Nothing says "I'm just doing this out of the goodness of my gentle heart" than throwing a temper tantrum over someone allegedly walking off with your charity idea. Such is the tangled, twisted web Geena Davis seems to be weaving; the details are admittedly a little confusing, but according to USA Today, Davis appears to be suing two Minnesota residents for selfishly hogging all her philanthropic glory:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted The Office's Toby exactly the way he should always be seen—nearly naked and sopping wet.

· We don't even know where to begin with this one: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is set to star in Disney's Witch Mountain, a follow-up to one of the most formative moviegoing experiences of our distant youth, Escape to Witch Mountain. Don't mess with Tony and Tia, Rock: They fuck you up good. [Variety]
· Tim Burton's "could you turn the human-intestinal-pudding shots down a smidge?" Sweeney Todd gets a December 21st release date. [Variety]
· George Lucas hired white-hot screenwriter John Ridley to write the script for Red Tails, a WWII drama about the color-barrier-shattering Tuskegee Airmen, feared by the Germans for their deadly, X-wing-mounted laser rifles. [Variety]
· Social networking websites gone public! Analysts suspect sites like Classmates.com could do well on the stock market, backed by irresistible marketing campaigns like, "Can you believe SHE married HIM?" [THR]
· Innovative agents Michael McConnell and Ben Press are suing the agency for being "unfairly chained to their jobs." Both suits cite the heavy, iron chains soldered to their ankles and tethered to their desks as irrefutable proof. [THR]

ABC is like totally pissed at TMZ for leaking the names of the contestants on the next season of Dancing with the Stars! And we could care less! (Well, except for Lou Ferrigno. We care about him a little.) [TMZ]

A: Nab Carlos Mencia for the Creative Arts Emmys: "Carlos will keep everyone in the audience on the edge of his or her seat — especially the censor. We're thrilled to work with him." [AP]

We suspected strange things were afoot at the Circle K when Larry Birkhead awkwardly shuffled down the Teen Choice Awards red carpet. Somehow, we doubted girls of age 13-17 gleefully taped up posters of Anna Nicole's sperminator next to shots of Zac Efron's hair. Turns out our Spidey Sense was right—Birkhead had been nominated alongside such crackpot luminaries as Lindsay, Britney, and Sanjaya for a category that was abruptly scrapped when certain crazy bitches put on panties just so they could get them in a wad:

The upsetting news dominating the headlines makes us long for the playful and carefree days of yesterweek, when the frolicsome exploits of Naked Leopard Man tickled us to our very core. Forgive us, then, for resorting to posting this photo of a naked leopard man of a very different stripe, sent to us by a reader who stumbled upon it in on a British bodypainting site. We realize, despite his meek attempts at relaying ferocity, that this feline exhibitionist doesn't quite possess the magic of the original; at the very least, however, one glimpse of his spotted nutsack should wipe away every other thought from your mind, if only temporarily.

If you count yourself among the slim minority of party poopers hurling hysterical and irresponsible accusations of child abuse at the producers of one of the most important social experiments of our time—i.e. the reality TV dystopia known as Kid Nation—then we refer you to the impassioned testimony of a participant's mother on yesterday's Access Hollywood. Having apparently helped herself to some of the bleach-tinged Kool-Aid made readily available in a large barrel in Nation's town square, the CBS-sanctioned mouthpiece compellingly argues how not even the occasional burning or poisoning could detract from the good times being had at this adult-free "summer camp environment," at the end of which anyone over the age of 15 is disposed of in a fun, fiery ritual known as Carousel.

We've now had two nights to fully absorb the catastrophic news that gifted actor, talented screenwriter, and inspiration to legions of aspiring Polaroid Beach House A-list party guests the world over Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson attempted suicide at his Santa Monica home on Sunday; while the shock subsides, only questions remain. A round-up of the latest developments:

Lauren Caitlin Upton, the Miss Teen USA contestant whose fumbling inarticulacies in response to a question about American ignorance captivated a nation (and if you haven't seen the clip, go now), showed up on the "Today Show" this morning to explain that she "misunderstood" and "drew a blank." Matt Lauer and Ann Curry give the plucky youngster a second chance to respond to the query, but, frankly, we prefer the original response. (Clip courtesy of Slut Machine.)

Of course we can. Here's a detailed account of what two of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors did on their night on the town. Art galleries, In-N-Out burgers, Kinkos, and a pair of smiling stars, enjoying their charmed lives to the fullest. Now that's more like it! [WOW Report]

As we vowed this morning, we are committed to bringing you every minor and major development in the ongoing Owen Wilson existential/medical crisis. (Did that actually happen? It still hasn't quite sunk in that one of the world's most powerful poonanny-magnets just inexplicably attempted to off himself.) While we await the inevitable Access Hollywood report alerting the world that, "Owen is now resting more comfortably than he was before, because our Tony Potts smuggled him in some bourbon," we bring you this Extra update, in which much of the same information, plus a tiny bit of new, is rearranged into an Extra! Suicide! Exclusive!

In yet another discouraging development for accused murderer/avowed bitch-hater Phil Spector, lead defense attorney Bruce Cutler—who so famously got things started with a bang by hammering the phrase "murder on their minds" approximately 17,000 times into the jurors' skulls, then became a rarer and rarer courtroom presence as he attended to his daytime-TV-starring commitments—has officially stepped down from the case as of today. From the AP report:

We were curious about the Fuck Yeah Fest the second we heard of it, imagining an orgy of hipsters joyously screaming — a la Team America's famous anthem — their blue approval of everything from skinny jeans on dudes (FUCK YEAH!) to t-shirts with ironic slogans about how stupid t-shirts with ironic slogans are (FUCK YEAH!). So Defamer videographer Molly McAleer vowed to get to the bottom of the Fuck Yeah ethos, and here's what she found: a disconsolate fanboy crushed that he didn't get a warm embrace by the band leader he is stalking traveled hours to see, and two dudes discussing not only their feelings... but their feelings about Kathy Griffin. For an underground fest that allegedly makes Sunset Junction look like Wango Tango, that's pretty fucking disappointing, actually.

· We think Defamer intern/To Do compiler Kerry McGovern's impassioned plea for why you should attend tonight's show at Largo really says it better than we ever could, so take it away, Kerry: "Sarah Silverman and Patton Oswalt are at Largo. I know it seems like they live there, and I know we recommend this show incessantly, but the reason is this show is amazing and doesn't happen in NYC or anywhere else regular for that matter. Just because Los Angeles is spoiled doesn't mean we should ever start ignoring such an event." That brought a tear to our jaded eye.
· Music round-up: Joss Stone is at The Greek, Low Vs. Diamond are at Spaceland, and, finally, your dream to finally see Spinal Tap live becomes a reality when the legendary band performs at the Avalon for Concert for a Cause.
· We realize that something called The Open Fist Theater mounting a production called Do Do Love conjures all sorts of messy and disturbing Folsom Street Fair imagery, but it's actually the quite benign story of "four eccentric characters who find camaraderie in make-up makeovers, musical dreams, cupcakes and one-night stands."

In a stunning turn of Hollywood events, John Singleton was totally sober and waited responsibly at the scene after he accidentally struck and killed a jaywalker with his car in Jefferson Park on Thursday night, leading authorities to find the director completely without fault. [E! Online]

A paparazzi concern published photos on their website of Sam Jackson reportedly paying Owen a visit today at his Cedars-Sinai hospital room. We look to our celebrities for guidance in times of crisis, and the 1408 star seems to be telling us that comfortable, loose-fitting clothing is your best bet for a bedside visit to a friend in need. [Splash]

Figures. Just when the Jolie-Pitt Army of Uber-Moppets had us convinced we could kill time on a slow Monday by cheerfully hand-picking any adorable foreign-born tyke we want and raising it as our own, Madonna has to come along and rain on our parade. Apparently, the good people of Malawi can't decide if she's a wicked, rapacious hellion or a serious(ly rich) potential parent for Malawian quasi-orphan David Banda; finally, per Reuters, they've apparently chosen Door No. 2, but not without totally removing the possibility of more thrilling, head-shaking indecision:

We could think of nary a better way to spend a Saturday evening than watching a bevy of our city's most brutal, rollerskate-clad Amazonian warriors battle to the death (well, at least to the debilitating ankle injury) in a makeshift Thunderdome—aka the Industry Hills Expo Center in the City of Industry. We therefore dispatched Defamer Partywatcher Ann and guest photographer Maggie Serrano to the L.A. Derby Dolls Fight Crew vs. Sirens game. They returned, exhausted, exhilarated, and bearing a slew of memorable photographs. Ann's play-by-play and our full image gallery are after the jump: