While some might find the "some of my favorite things" boxes featured in Variety's "Showmen of the Year" tribute to Sony heads Amy Pascal and Michael Lynton a feature that might be more at home in Mogul Fancy, the resourceful can always find some utility behind the whimsy: for example, knowing that Harold and Maude inspired Pascal to pursue her wildly successful career in "the biz" could lead a bold producer to begin a pitch by dousing himself in gas and lighting himself on fire or by chopping off his hand with a cleaver, creating an instant bonding moment over a shared love of the cult film. Or, you know, he could just bring along a slice of delicious cake, opting for a safer appeal to her decadent side. (For the record, Lynton's "favorite things" box indicates he's more of a ham-and-cheese sandwich guy, Plan your food bribes accordingly.)

· Music round-up: Spoon begin their three-night stand at the Henry Fonda; The Happy Hollows at the Echo; Gram Rabbit at Spaceland; Lucinda Williams at the El Rey.
· M*A*S*H* star Mike Farrell discusses and signs Just Call Me Mike: A Journey to Actor and Activist (a process now universally referred to as "begleyization") at the Santa Monica Public Library.
· Doug Benson, Patton "Rolling in Pixar Money" Oswalt, and Mr. Show immortal Bob Odenkirk will be dropping by Largo's Monday night comedy showcase.

• IT Crowd antipiracy ad [YouTube]

While our American audience can feel free to skip this post in lieu of ones favoring domestic gladiatorial work opportunities, we strongly felt the need to pass along this story to our Canadian readers—an editorial decision we reassure you was reached based entirely on its news merits alone, and not out of some deal made with their government to boost our Canadian content in exchange for an attractive array of bloggers' tax incentives.

"Joey Fatone translated a very successful run on 'Dancing with the Stars' to a hosting job on NBC's "The Singing Bee" and a second hosting spot for this year's red carpet arrival for the Emmy Awards for the TV Guide network. The multi-talented Fatone has the personality and recognition factor to make him the kind of person that executives want to host their shows."

After pummeling our readers with the endlessly depressing discussion of the ongoing, precipitous decline phase of a once-meteoric show business career, we suppose that it's time to offer them the uplifting stories of those whose dreams of one day having thousands of flashbulbs directed at their accidentally exposed genitalia are still very much alive.

And the official title of the project previously known as Fourth Installment of the Indiana Jones Adventures is...[drumroll, please] Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. [sound of crickets, the barely audible scratching of heads, and someone quietly muttering, "Well, they've still got time to change it. Maybe they can save face by saying they just found out it was the title of an Allan Quatermain project that was put into turnaround back in 1988."] [IndianaJones.com]

There was perhaps no better moment in capturing the wildly divergent career paths taken by former Mickey Mouse Club co-stars and lovers Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears than this weekend, when Timberlake not only swept the same MTV trophy ceremony on which Spears hammered the last press-on nail into her comeback coffin, but also managed to score an Emmy award for a boner-joke parody song done as a lark for a Saturday Night Live guest-hosting stint:

Perhaps moved by Sarah Silverman's unflattering impression of the clean-shaven vagina for which VMA trainwreck Britney Spears is infamous or by the tear-soaked exit from the ceremony they've exclusively captured on video, the producers of Extra have generously offered the disgraced pop star a chance at nationally televised redemption. From their press release:

With the flap fact-checking snafu now fully rectified, Rosie O'Donnell's Celebrity Detox is on course for its October 2 publication date, when celebrity memoir aficionados looking for something a little more substantial and less disclaimer-ridden than O.J. Simpson's If I Did It can curl up with a cup of tea and the angry musings of the disgruntled former co-host of The View. Page Six got their hands on a leaked copy, which contained a number of florid quotes about one of her favorite topics—l'affaire Trump:

• Bios Editor - Baseline StudioSystems, Los Angeles, CA

· Ang Lee takes home the Golden Lion for Lust, Caution at the Venice Film fest, the movie you may remember as the recent victim of the MPAA's dreaded NC-17 rating because of its "graphic, artsy-fartsy depiction of fucking." [Variety]
· Gus Van Sant attaches Sean Penn and Matt Damon to his long-in-development biopic of openly gay politician Harvey Milk, with Penn playing Milk and Damon taking the role of his suddenly likable assassin. Tomorrow, competing Milk project director Bryan Singer will escalate the casting arms race by announcing he's got Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt "this close" to signing on to his Mayor of Castro Street adaptation. [THR]
· The Creative Arts Emmys are topped by—surprise!—HBO, with 15 statues. [Variety]
· NBC destroys its Sunday night Nielsen competition with the season debut of Sunday Night Football. [THR]
· In other unsurprising, awards-related news, Gil Cates will be back to produce the Oscars a record-breaking 14th time, which he promises "will be just as overlong and filled with inscrutable interpretive-dance numbers as my 2006 triumph." [Variety]

In a shocking—just shocking!—development in the Vanessa Hudgens Nudie Photos Scandal, a "source close to the situation" says that the High School Musical libertine sent the racy images to Drake Bell...star of Nickelodeon's Josh and Drake. We know! Already-enraged Disney Channel execs will be additionally livid about Hudgens' disloyal decision to show her body to a direct competitor's horny talent. [People]

What is left to say when one of the most anticipated VMA performances in years bombs so badly, it causes Kid Rock and Tommy Lee to very nearly come to fisticuffs trying to one up each other trading "Yo Britney" jokes, while finally justifying Sean "Diddy" Combs's single, painfully confused facial expression? A round-up of what some of the world's (yes, the whole world was watching) critics thought about Britney Spears' comeback performance:

The weekly edition of Variety officially awards its Showmen of the Year honor, the most coveted recognition in all of showbiz trade journalism (and yes, that includes Var's Billion Dollar Director Day celebration), to Sony's Michael Lynton and Amy Pascal, an occasion necessitating the purchase of full-page tribute ads by any talent, producers, or agency ever hoping to get a movie made at their red-hot studio. While none of the ads make direct mention of Pascal's ceremonial bepenising by the publication, this minimalist, phoned-in-by-someone's-unimaginative-assistant offering by Spider-Man's trio of Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and Sam Raimi (really, couldn't someone have thrown some spider-related clip art on there?—click the thumbnail to enlarge) nods to the co-president's honorary gender reassignment, a little in-joke that only those who've generated billions in box office grosses can get away without fear of career reprisals.

In the end, there would be no baby dolls dropping from the rafters, giant Jacuzzis filled with writhing background dancers servicing a fading pop star's exhibitionistic sexual needs, or even a female albino python with which Britney Spears might share a same-sex, cross-species kiss to open last night's VMAs.

Following a slow weekend at the box office, we must ask: Have you abadoned Hollywood, or has Hollywood abandoned you? Ponder this question as you review the box office numbers:

· Were Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead caught on tape in a "compromising, intimate position?" We'd rather not think about it.
· When Bill Murray explains drunken Swedish golf cart joyriding, he makes it seem so darn logical.
· Bionic Woman to be built better, stronger, faster by some other showrunner.
· Tobey Maguire is excited to bring Robotech, about a giant dance palace for robots, to the big screen.
· Jerry Lewis begs illiterate faggos' forgiveness.
· The LAT comes up with a great way for anorexic starlets to indulge without ingesting calories, and get caught up on current events while they're at it.
· We are seriously considering dropping everything to become Mexican drag queen wrestlers.
· Jenna Fischer switches her MySpace relationship status to single.
· WachowskiWatch: Lana still Larry.
· Chinese Theater folk comment on Whoopi's first day at The View.
· Brad Pitt is nearly hugged to death by a crazed, touchy-feely fan.
· Don't worry, Ryan. You'll be swell. You'll be great.
· Fred Thompson, star of Law & Order and many crappy movies, is running for president. Just don't expect Hollywood to care.

· Maybe we spoke too soon about Vanessa Hudgens' fans forgiving her for those nudie pics.
· Mercifully, new graphic-fucking-positive HBO drama Tell Me You Love Me will go easy on the septuagenarian ugly-bumping: "Explicit scenes of young, lithe bodies having it in many places and in all manners, including solo, are plentiful in the first few episodes. Yet when it comes to a white-haired, elderly couple, the camera looks away, sparing viewers the shock of seeing sagging bellies and wrinkled limbs in the throes of carnal bliss."
· Jodie Foster says that The Brave One is more than just Death Wish. It's Death Wish with a chick.
· Aliens are keeping an eye on the president.
· Tonight's your last chance to see the Golden Girls go wild.

Because we know that you'd never forgive us if we neglected to inform you of the opportunity to possibly fulfill your childhood dream of battling intimidatingly muscled spandex-unitard models while encased in an enormous steel hamster ball, we want to make sure you know that the Gold's Gym in Venice will be holding an opening casting call tomorrow for NBC's recently announced American Gladiators revival. Excitingly, they'll be looking both for potential gladiators and their civilian quarry during the mass audition: