Endeavor's Ari Emanuel, so publicly appalled by the media's digging up of 16-year-old dirt on buddy Chris Albrecht after his much-publicized Vegas domestic violence arrest, played matchmaker in the meeting that led to Albrecht's new gig at IMG. Also, Albrecht's received the Sarah Jessica Parker Seal of "I'd Work With Him Again" Approval: "It's a town of second, third and fourth chances... I would never be reluctant to work with him again. Maybe I'm being Pollyanna-ish, but people want to work with people who have been successful." [NY Times]

We're still in a mild state of shock, having learned that someone—anyone—would want Kevin Federline snuffed. But that appears to be the case, as Entertainment Tonight is reporting that a price has been put on K-Fed's head:

· Last night's Emmys drew the second-smallest TV audience in the awards show's history with an anemic average of 13.1 million viewers. No one, it seems, was tantalized by the sketchy possibility of Britney Spears showing up to apologize for destroying her career, or by the prospect of emergency host Ryan Seacrest breaking into song. Congratulations, America: you saved yourself over three hours of torture. (We were not so lucky.) [Variety]
· Tina Fey hopes 30 Rock's big win for Best Comedy Series will bring viewers to her show—obviously, she wasn't privy to the preliminary Emmy Nielsens when she made that crazy wish. [THR]
· AMC has an Emmy coming-out party, capturing four awards for Broken Trail. [Variety]
· Remember Pop-Up Video, the show that provided you with amusing, if useless, factoids about the "music videos" one used to be able to watch on VH1? It's coming back in a mobile format, allowing you to learn everything you ever wanted to know about "Hollaback Girl" by staring at your cellphone's tiny screen while stopped at a red light. [THR]
· Internet-creating former VP Al Gore doesn't even know the URL of his interactive TV network's website. [Update: Whoops, yes he does!] [variety]

Sad news: Brett Somers, whose countless Match Game PM showdowns with flamboyant game-show foil Charles Nelson Reilly (here's a taste via YouTube) are remembered fondly at Defamer HQ, has passed. [ [BrettSomers.com]

It's telling that seemingly the only thing worth discussing following last night's Emmys—an exercise in show business self-gratification only marginally more entertaining than watching a Lassie stand-in lick its genitals between camera set-ups—are the three words we weren't allowed to hear (to review: "screwing," "[shit]," and "goddamn") during the telecast.

In time to find himself the subject of Emmy acceptance speeches delivered by extremely grateful late night talk show monologue writers, itinerant golfer and bestselling confessional co-author O.J. Simpson was arrested late yesterday morning for his alleged armed robbery of a sports memorabilia dealer in a Vegas hotel room Thursday night. A round-up of the latest developments:

We're still (pretty unsuccessfully) trying to shake off our Emmys hangover—drinking was really the only way to make it through all three-plus hours of last night's telecast without going insane from boredom—but we're now lucid enough to tackle the "mystery" of that trio of perplexing cuts (compiled in the above clip) from Ray Romano, Katherine "If You Call Me Hi-Jel I Will Fucking Cut You" Heigl, and Sally Field to the giant, profanity-erasing Sphere of Censorship hanging in the rafters of the Shrine.

Even though most domestic entertainment consumers chose to spend the entire weekend researching their Emmy pool picks, the multiplexes remained open, hoping to lure those fatigued from the demanding intellectual exercise with pleasant, air-conditioned places in which to take study breaks. These are the weekend numbers:

We're well aware that "spoilers" for virtually every award handed out during tonight's Emmys telecast are readily available on these internets, but we've avoided ruining what we're sure will be a evening of amazing surprises by checking news sites or watching the east coast feed. Join us, if you will, in submitting to the Fox network's tape-delay illusion that we're experiencing Emmy magic as it happens.

After much soul-searching and the realization that we really have nothing better to do on Sunday night, we decided we'll probably* be liveblogging the Emmys. If watching the show with a computer on your lap is the sort of thing that interests you, check back here at 5pm PST (or if we can't find someone with the east coast satellite feed, come by at 8pm PST for a tape-delayblog). See you then, maybe!

· Britney Spears: The performance of her career. The critical consensus. Sympathy comes from the least likely of places. The post-mortem. An Emmy apology?
· All it takes is some HGH and a dream.
· Ben Silverman: The perfect TV suit storm.
· Rosie Lit: Donald the Slug, breaking her own fingers.
· Amy Pascal enjoys cake and Rye.
· The Creative Arts Emmy is Kathy Griffin's god now.
· Nothing is Private is apparently even more disturbing than Kevin Spacey masturbating in a shower.
· Dannielynn gets a party fit for a princess, a reality show fit for a Smith, and a father who grieves for dollars.
· Hoboken Beach Diet man is ready for a representation upgrade.
· Jake Gyllenhaal weighs the torture pros and cons.
· Kiefer Sutherland restores order to a holy Romanian movie set.
· If you want him to yell, "Victory!" that's extra.
· Behold, the Rubyfruit Mafia.

"emmy tix $550 or discount for job lead - $550 work in the industry? smart, attractive, hard working, computer-savvy chick with spotty tv writing career needs a job that could lead to something. hook me up and I'll drop the price. two emmy tix w/parking and limo pass - 3rd balcony, but easy access to the 2nd balcony after show begins. email your number and offer" [Craigslist]

"Due to circumstances beyond our control, the conference call with Steve-O and Trishelle has been cancelled."

Because we like to leave you to your weekend with uplifting stories of celebrity good deeds, we now bring you this story about roguish leading man and sex tape veteran Colin Farrell—whom, despite reports of being a dark twisted puppy, came off more of like a warm friendly one when he took a Toronto homeless man (apparently they have them!) on a shopping spree he wouldn't soon forget:

At first Jamie Foxx's Hollywood Walk of Fame induction ceremony proceeded classily enough, with Foxx noting the pride his deceased grandmother must be feeling over the honor in no way sponsored by Universal's The Kingdom, in a theater near you September 28th. Eventually, though, Foxx's famously irrepressible naughty side took over, and the actor dropped to the sidewalk, dry-humping his slice of Hollywood immortality until his moans of ecstasy drove away most of the tourist crowd that had gathered to watch the event. [Breitbart/Photo: Getty]

Friday
· Music round-up: The Bravery at the Wiltern; Built to Spill at the Henry Fonda; Naughty by Nature at the Roxy.
· The Egyptian hosts a Riot on the Sunset Strip weekend, kicking it off tonight with a double feature of the aforementioned Riot and You Are What You Eat, an "insanely-rare 60's artifact is a stream-of-acidness portrait of Los Angeles and Haight Ashbury in the Summer of Love."

It will come as little comfort to anyone to learn that double jeopardy-exploiting If I Did It author O.J. Simpson has decided to take the law into his own hands—having, as best as we can surmise, entered a hotel room at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last night accompanied by several armed men, who then proceeded to reappropriate a wide variety of mementos that once belonged to the former running back, including the suit he wore the day of his acquittal.

Jake Gyllenhaal - Showbiz Tonight [YouTube]

Interactive Media Producer - Second Story Interactive Studios, Portland, OR / New Media Marketing Director - Epitaph, Los Angeles, CA / Your Job Here! [Defamer Jobs]