It will come as little comfort to anyone to learn that double jeopardy-exploiting If I Did It author O.J. Simpson has decided to take the law into his own hands—having, as best as we can surmise, entered a hotel room at the Palace Station Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last night accompanied by several armed men, who then proceeded to reappropriate a wide variety of mementos that once belonged to the former running back, including the suit he wore the day of his acquittal.

Simpson has yet to be arrested, but doesn't deny the incident took place, having told the AP it was a "sting operation" to recover personal items he claimed were stolen. We're certain this entire incident will prove to be little more than a misunderstanding between memorabilia dealer and a beloved sports hero, with the hunt for the real sociopathic thief and Glock-toting henchmen about to begin.