While we never expected Kid Nation's pioneers to succumb to the siren song of virgin sasparilla this quickly, it was inevitable that residents of CBS Bonanza City would eventually turn to drink to blunt the pain of their workaday lives; after all, there are only so many filthy, overflowing outhouses a ten-year-old can scrub before she needs a little help forgetting she's trapped in the Laborer class for at least another week.
· Comedy Central decides not to renew The Showbiz Show for a fourth season, officially freeing David Spade from the conflict-inviting hosting duties that sometimes put him in the uncomfortable position of having to use puppets to explain how Heather Locklear's marriage was already over by the time he was banging her. [Variety]
· APA signs Graham Greene, Chris Kattan and Heather Matarazzo, a trio of "gets" that should help the agency to finally put the days of having to endure dismissive "Who the fuck invited APA?!" jokes on Entourage behind them. [THR]
· Pushing Daisies—which we enjoyed quite a bit despite the crushing hype—posts the best debut numbers of any new 8 pm timeslot show this season. (Can't ABC just funnel the entire Cavemen budget into Daises to keep that expensive, Burtonesque look?) Meanwhile, NBC's Bionic Woman pumps-and-dumps, falling off 30 percent from its first-week ratings. [Variety]
· Ehren Kruger joins Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci in writing the screenplay that director Michael Bay will use as a rough guide for where to place his giant fucking robots on Transformers 2. [THR]
· DreamWorks is wisely trying to keep their Norbit dream team of Eddie Murphy and critic-proof producer Brain Robbins intact, entering final negotiations to reunite them for the comedy A Thousand Words, the story of a guy who "only has 1,000 words left to speak before he dies." [Variety]
Isaiah Washington, now a member of Bionic Woman's big happy family, is never too busy to shatter the deafening, one-day silence that followed his ouster from Grey's Anatomy at the hands of a shadowy cabal of moustache-twirling gay foes. Speaking to Extra, the actor delivered a curiously roundabout answer to a question about whether or not potential Bionic viewers might be turned off by his year of very bad press:
Remember Bearforce1, the world's first all-bear Dutch synth-disco boi-band? Of course you do! Well, they're in New York for their big American appearances, and our Rod Townsend and Nick McGlynn sat down with the bears last night for an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW (as they say in the tabloids) that includes a live a cappella performance from the band.
Whether or not Leave Britney Alone Guy's reality TV show ever finds its way onto a basic cable network schedule, his impact on our culture has been profound. In this post-LBAG world, people now realize that the appearance of a video camera represents their own shot at Spears-derived fame and fortune, even if the That Wasn't Right What You Said About Britney Spears' Kids 'Cause They Were Not Bastards She Was Married To That Man Gal project they're pitching is probably too close to the one already in development to merit serious consideration.
Just in case Alyssa Milano's recent HuffPo guest-blog about NTDs left you unconvinced about the depth of her understanding of the issue, this quote from Details should set your mind at ease: "The fact that these diseases can be eradicated was like, well, this is a no-brainer,' she says. 'It's like a sale in global health!'" [Men.Style.Com]
According to a report in today's NY Times, Paramount Vantage is delaying the release of its adaptation of the Khalid Hosseini novel The Kite Runner until December, an attempt to buy itself some time while it tries to smuggle three child actors involved in "a culturally inflammatory rape scene" out of Kabul, hoping to shield the boys from violent reprisals that could result once the movie opens. Reports the Times on how Paramount is dealing with the unexpectedly complicated extraction and custodial plans stemming from the project:
No baby bump, no problem! Disappointed that photos of a healthier-seeming Angelina Jolie might not support their speculation about the orphan-collecting actress's gestation of a second biological offspring, InTouch did some creative cropping and claimed that she's carrying the extra 10 lbs. of baby weight in her rack. [Page Six]
Guessing incorrectly that Filipino Desperate Housewives fans would find a tossed-off reference about the inadequacy of medical education in the Philippines* uproarious good fun, ABC was forced to apologize for its insensitivity in airing the joke after outraged viewers lit up the network's switchboards and an online petition (internet activism really does work, even if it failed to free Paris Hilton from her unjust imprisonment) drew the e-signatures of 30,000 individuals better informed about the quality of the nation's health care system. The offending dialogue and commentary from the man who started the petition follow:
· In addition to Barbara Walters' harrowing tale of bathroom stall imprisonment, The View also featured Sarah Silverman's explanation of why she murdered her parents.
· Casey Affleck dashes your Ocean's 14 dreams.
· Once Britney Spears slows the rate of her weekly meltdowns, the glossies can always rely on Jennifer Aniston's lucrative image to move checkout stand product.
· The revived Jericho hopes to feed off the carcass of whatever new CBS series fails first.
· Spoiler alert: Even when it seems like the Chipmunks aren't going to overcome their greatest challenge, career disaster will be averted at the last minute, and they'll share a round of celebratory high-fives while taking in a stunning view of the Los Angeles skyline.
Having within a span of 48 hours been subjected to the humiliating loss of her children, the cruel indifference of DMV employees, and extremely uncomfortable small-talk with Dave Matthews on the Peninsula's breakfast buffet line, Britney Spears struggles to maintain composure through what is arguably her rock-bottomest moment yet. In court today, however, came a small ray of hope, as Commissioner Scott Gordon softened his initial ruling :
The corporate mothership has extended the contract of Sony Pictures CEO/chairman/Showman of the Year Michael Lynton through 2012. If you're thinking of sending over the perfect kiss-up gift to celebrate this happy occasion and get your project jammed into the pre-strike production pipeline, we suggest a basket of ham-and-cheese sandwiches. [THR, Var]
· Music round-up: Datarock at the Echo; They Might Be Giants at Avalon; Mark Ronson at the El Rey.
· The John Varvatos store on Melrose hosts an exhibit of the work of rock n' roll photographer Jim Marshall, featuring shots of Keith Richards, Janis Joplin, and other, somewhat less drug-ravaged music legends.
· The Booze Clues pub quiz at Rudolpho's in Silver Lake finally gives eastsiders the chance to see how difficult it is recall the answers to trivia questions while under the influence of alcohol.
A fittingly anticlimactic coda to the Phil Spector mistrial came today, as the members of his defense team—who by now should have been sitting in adjoining hammocks in a tropical locale, clinking coconut cups over never having to deal with their mushroom-headed client again—have decided to move on from the case entirely:
With a controversy-shy ABC having retooled all of the potentially inflammatory, racial-allegory material out of the version of Cavemen that finally debuted last night, the show was forced to generate edgy laughs by having its put-upon Neanderthals participate in activities for which primitive Man would seem hilariously ill-suited, like selling futons at a fictionalized Ikea, participating in a round of Wii golf following a shopping spree, and playing squash in country club-quality outfits that would cause them to surrender whatever small amount of cave-cred they had left. We'll let you be the judge of how effective they were in the squash scene, but we'll admit that by the fifth or so time we had to listen to the Andy and Joel characters whine about their relationships, we thought we were just watching a version of Tell Me You Love Me with more unsightly body hair and less fucking.
Apparently, IESB.net broke the news of the stolen Indy 4 items yesterday, complete with details that went unreported in LAT story we noted earlier, like that the thief was shopping around $2000 worth of the goodies to places like TMZ, and that an LAPD/FBI sting operation at the Standard nabbed the thief before any more of Lucas and Spielberg's secrets could leak out: "A meeting between the alleged thief and the unnamed online reporter was set up for 4:00pm at the Standard Hotel on Sunset Blvd. The sting went as planned and the arrest was made. The IESB has been told that the alleged thief was in possession of the stolen property." [IESB.net via The Hot Blog]
