While we've previously confessed that we've been watching fucking-crazed HBO melodrama Tell Me You Love just to see the different sexual positions into which the producers will twist their neurotic, anatomically correct mannequins each week, there are some viewers who are so affected by the show's profound insights into the whiny-human condition that they're moved to examine their own dysfunctional relationships. ABC News sought out some horny yuppies who recognize themselves in Tell Me's characters, asking them to elaborate on the complex feelings the series stirs up:

"He-vage," as we learned just moments ago, is "male cleavage," and not to be confused with "he-vag," the visible result of the "penile tuck" maneuver. The story that follows compliments George Clooney on the way he tastefully rocks one of the aforementioned terms, but we've already forgetten if it's the chest or the genital variety [Daily Mail]

The producers of Valkyrie claim that damage done to the footage they shot in the difficult-to-secure Benderblock location was caused by a development problem, denying that it was the nefarious work of the same fart-happy saboteur who's hellbent on destroying Tom Cruise's movie. [AFP/Yahoo]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Kirstie Alley grocery shopping.

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· Universal is pushing the release of George Clooney's Leatherheads from December to April, so that Clooney can "incorporate additional footage and honor previous commitments," hoping that the extra four months will be more than enough time for the director/star to fix all the things they can't publicly admit they don't like about the film. [Variety]
· 30 Rock's season premiere Jerry Seinfeld stunt-cameo pays off, as the show set its series record for 18-49 viewers. CBS, however, won the night over ABC behind CSI and Survivor. [THR]
· Fox makes a series commitment to spooky, X-Files-ish, Twilight Zone-y J.J. Abrams show Fringe, which he plans to kick off with a $10 million, two-hour pilot. [Variety]
· About $20 million worth of people who were entertained by There's Something About Mary are expected to turn out to be disappointed by the Farrelly brothers' reunion with Ben Stiller in The Heartbreak Kid. [THR]
· Warner Bros. shells out $2 million for the bachelor party spec script Hangover (logline: Dude, Where's My Groom?), which they hope director Todd Phillips can crank out before the strike that may or may not be on its way. [Variety]

Nikki Finke reports that Warner Bros. production president Jeff Robinov is putting out word that his studio is shifting to a completely phallocentric development slate, apparently blaming underperforming, lady-based entertainments like The Brave One and The Invasion for his studio's recent slump. The beginning of "World War III" over the impolitic strategy is anticipated, though it's possible that the Rubyfruit Mafia might rub him out first, obviating the need for an official declaration of hosilities. [DeadlineHollywood]

Even after his departure from a 35-year tenure hosting the Price is Right, cat-sterilization fanatic Bob Barker still finds himself party to yet another in a long string of harassment lawsuits from disgruntled female employees: nine in 13 years, to be exact, with all plaintiffs represented by the same guy—attorney and mutesmodels' rights advocate, Nick Alden. The latest complainant suggests she was demoted from P.A. to the far more demeaning rope-and-pulley-tugging duty after she testified against Barker in an earlier lawsuit:

In today's Variety Youth Impact Report, a special section in which the trade publication spotlights the precocious performers who will one day either rise to Fanningesque domination of the industry or challenge Lindsay Lohan's Herbie: Fully Loaded record for most hangover-induced missed call times, experts from Hollywood's various child-exploitation vocations suggest that their cherubic moneymaking machines might more effectively generate commissions if kept tuned-up with some preventative maintenance. Call it "prehab":

When Rosie O'Donnell joined Roseanne Barr on the stage of a New York comedy club last night, she stunned audiences when she abandoned her regular prop-comedy act involving a cardboard standee of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and a black Sharpee with which to scrawl Hitler moustaches. Instead she revealed yet more stunning insights into her abrupt departure from The View, and into her tangled, beyond icky relationship with Barbara Walters:

Because we're sure there's nothing you'd find more pleasant on a Friday morning than the further discussion of the filming of a juvenile rape scene so culturally inflammatory that a studio may now find itself responsible for the welfare of the movie's displaced child actors until they reach adulthood, we turn to Slate's Kim Masters' ongoing coverage of the dilemma now faced by Paramount and The Kite Runner's filmmakers, who, of course, say they never could have foreseen that their commitment to staying true to their source material would put the kids in jeopardy. But what exactly is in the controversial scene that Paramount's Afghan-culture consultants now fear may not foster the open and honest dialogue they'd hoped for? Reports Masters:

Like a butterscotch foal taking his initial, wobbly steps outside of the womb, Owen Wilson turned up at last night's The Darjeeling Limited premiere last night, putting in one of his first public appearances since, you know, the situation. We'll have our Stallion back soon, it seems. [CNN.com]

Now that we've gotten a look at the official video for Britney Spears' "Gimme More" being unleashed on the world today (all of those de facto "making of" clips documenting the conditions under which it was created really whetted our appetite for the finished product), we think we better understand what was going on in her disastrous™ VMAs performance: when Britney wandered that MTV stage like a tranquilized stripper, she was just trying to remember the moves presented to her in a five-minute crash course in gentleman's club choreography she largely ignored on the "Gimme More" shoot, becoming disoriented by the presence of background dancers and the vexing absence of a pole. In any event, enjoy the latest video evidence that Spears' career comeback is proceeding about as successfully as her family life.

· After what he did to Paris Hilton the other night, we were expecting David Letterman to lead off his Alec Baldwin interview with, "So, you had a little trouble with some voicemail or something a few months ago, eh?" Instead, we got a story about a boat. But we suppose the Hilton segment earned Letterman a night off.
· Chuck Zito generously offers to referee the theoretical, $5 million grudge match between Pam Anderson exes Kid Rock and Tommy Lee, or failing that, just beat the shit out of them both.
· Metromix divides the town into LC and Heidi-friendly zones, helping fans of The Hills stay on turf where they'll feel safe.
· We always knew that tramp Chairy was going to wind up on the street. All Pee Wee's bitches do.
· Here's hoping the proprietor of the Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians blogspot doesn't give up before the premise is thoroughly exhausted. There are still some places to take it, even after hitting Bruce Jenner.

Accused serial rapist/fashion designer Anand Jon Alexander —a hyphenate we hope we don't start seeing more of on the celebrity-styling landscape in the months to come—has been indicting by a grand jury for having allegedly lured 20 girls and young women to Los Angeles with promises of modeling opportunities. (That's an impressive gain of 8 more victims and 22 separate counts since he was charged last April.) From the KNBC report:

As Britney Spears waves goodbye to happier days of electively supervised visits with her children to the harsh new reality of court-ordered supervised visits, we offer by way of support a round-up of sympathetic celebrity sentiments from around the web:
· Tatum O'Neal advises that Spears "needs to think she needs some help; no one can tell her. She can get better ... but it's going to be hard, and she'll do it publicly, and that sucks," before looking directly into the camera and letting the singer know that if she needs someone to blame, her father Ryan is always available. [ETOnline]
· Syndicated fulfillment guru Mr. Phil addressed the topic on today's episode, saying the singer suffers from a "toxic brain," that mom Lynn Spears is a "solid asset," and if the two would be willing to have 24-hour surveillance cameras placed in their homes, he'd be more than happy to offer his therapy services in front of a national audience gratis. [OK!]

· Music round-up: She Wants Revenge at the Troubadour; Mighty Six Ninety at the Silverlake Lounge; Black Label Society at the House of Blues.
· The Hollywood Hell House returns to Los Angeles, offering the city's millions of heathens a glimpse of the eternal damnation they've got coming to them if they don't repent their sinful ways.
· Filter magazine and the Hammer are offering another event that extends late into the night, starting with a screening The Darjeeling Limited and continuing on with booze, art, and music in the courtyard and galleries.

Good news, everybody! As it turns out, those "death photos" of a "vomit-covered" Anna Nicole Smith aren't soul-chilling depictions of her corpse at all! In fact, not only is Anna Nicole still alive in them, she's partaking of one of her favorite activities: snacking on a fish sandwich slathered in tartar sauce. While topless. [The Insider]

In response to a small item we posted two months ago wondering about whether there was any connection between adultery-facilitating dating site AshleyMadison.com and the early-twentysomething Ashley Madison sometimes romantically linked to father-figure/actor James Woods, a helpful publicist has just informed us of the site's new campaign to retain the real-life Madison's endorsement services, hoping that attaching the name of such a well-known celebrity to their product will cause millions of new fornicators to subscribe.

If you worship at the Church of Family Guy, you're undoubtedly familiar with the ditty "I Need a Jew," sung at the precise moment of episode "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein" when Griffin patriarch Peter realizes he's helpless to manage his finances without the aid of an arithmetically-astute Member of the Tribe. A full four years after the episode first aired, the copyright owner of Pinocchio classic "When You Wish Upon a Star" is now suing "Fox Broadcasting Co., the Cartoon Network and others" for infringement. A Fox spokesperson had "no comment," and its suspected their lawyers are currently mapping their strategy: They've already eliminated playing the "fair Jew-use" card, as the song-parody managed to be penned by the single goyische comedy-writer named Seth currently working in Hollywood.