With its ear pressed firmly to the streets of middle American suburbs, Parade Magazine has released its 2007 Year-End Pop Culture Poll Results. Among the more notable results: 44% percent of poll-takers responded with "Rosie! Rosie O'Donnell! My answer is ROSIE O'DONNELL," when asked, "Who would you consider to be the most annoying — well calm down, let me finish asking the question —"

In a disastrous Hollywood disunion tantamount to a massive, tectonic fissure erupting at Nichols Canyon, splitting our fair city in half and sending the two distinctive, autonomous land masses, rechristened Los and Angeles, their separate ways, divided by a blocks-long body of water that will eventually come to be known as the MidWilshire Ocean, Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have announced that their love, it is no more:

· We bestow the Defamer Medal of Heroism upon Dr. Mark Lowe, who helped save the life of a man shot point blank in the middle of a crowded Colorado Blvd. in Old Town Pasadena last night, and whose clinical emphasis on the word "weed" we've now savored approximately two dozen times.
· For the love of God, we beg you not to click on this photo of Keith Richards Photoshopped to have two mouths where his eyes should be. Please! Don't! We beg of you!
· The LAT has a list about all the reasons they—gasp!—hate end-of-year lists.
· Well, whatever, LAT. We love lists. Particularly the AFI's annual Moments of Significance, which, uh...celebrate the significant moments of our lives? "The Hollywood writers strike, the iPhone and the 'hyper-tabloidization' of television news" top this year's list.
· Eddie Murphy is reportedly set to "wed any minute now in the South Pacific." That smashing sound is a hundred 4 a.m. Yukon Mining Co. patrons' hearts shattering.

Angelina Jolie can add another superlative feather in her cap: she's a poll-topper in the all-important Best Celebrity Humanitarian of 2007 caucus. Voters chose the adoptive mother of several Third World tykes specifically because they believe her charitable efforts not to be a calculated effort to land atop the very Best Celebrity Humanitarian poll. From the Reuters report:

· Music Round-Up: Adema, Crowned by Fire, and White Wizzard at are Safari Sam's,Mina Mauldin and Irene Carranza at Genghis Cohen, and Reverend Horton Heat is at the Wiltern.
· If you made it through the holidays alive (are they over already?), you might enjoy Lesley Wolff's I Made It Through the Holidays Alive Show, featuring comedy by Stephanie Escajeda, Pedro Hernandez, Ari Shaffir, Jessie Schneiderman, Tig Notaro, and Matt Braunger. At The Improv.
· In these trying times, isn't the American Cinematheque's Screwball Comedies series at the Aero Theatre just what we all need? Tonight's double feature screens 1937's Easy Living, and 1939's Midnight, "a Cinderella story starring Claudette Colbert as an American showgirl who transforms into hired bait for John Barrymore's wife's lover." Someone should snap this up for a remake starring Mo'nique.

Sean Connery isn't just a smooth and dashing Scot, he's also a compulsively litigious thorn in the side of New York State Supreme Court Justice Marcy Friedman. It seems the septuagenarian is engaged in an endless game of "Suit, Countersuit" with his neighbor, in an enmity-charged relationship not seen since Bond thwarted Dr. No. Appropriately, his neighbor's name is Mr. Sultan:

We can all breathe a little bit easier now that we know that the "narcotic" found on Mischa Barton during her DUI arrest was, in fact, marijuana. (To be honest, we thought California classifies that stuff as a "holistic food additive.") We also now have access to heartbreaking images of a babushka-wrapped Barton—accidentally, we're sure, evoking Benazir Bhutto—being led away from the the jail where she spent the night to her parents' waiting car. A sobering event for all involved, to be sure. [Page Six]

Celebrity DUI Christmas continues—sort of. Early Tom Cruise screen love interest Rebecca De Mornay, whom we mistakenly thought couldn't so much as get arrested in this town, was charged today for being picked up by police October 30, after the hand that rocked her steering wheel led them to suspect she might be driving under the influence. (She was: She blew a .09.) Her court date is December 31st, "but she does not have to appear." [TMZ]

Wonderful news everyone! In a Super! Duper! People! Alba! Shotgun! Wedding! Exclusive!, the subject of many a pubescent male self-love fantasy has been proposed to by Cash Warren, the man responsible for the expanding baby-bump soon to be defiantly bared on the cover of a fashion glossy. Finally, with Alba officially off the market, casting agents and directors will be able to consider her for the kinds of meaty roles she's long craved, only to see herself passed over for dowdier, less available actresses. [People]

While we've been slaving over a year's worth of Defamer hot links, plucking only the juiciest for our Year in Review series, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer has been hard at work too, cobbling together this countdown of Defamer's Top 10 Videos of 2007, with interstitials set to a delightful hip-hop soundtrack.

It's a little late, but the Jewish media titans controlling this site don't exactly know when the pagan holiday commemorating the birth of your false prophet falls on your calendar; what you call "Christmas," occuring on December 25th, is just regular ol' Tevet 16th, 5768 to us. Having said that, here's a video montage of Britney Spears set to one of her own Christmas songs, as compiled by Defamer's own Image Party Picasso, Molly McAleer.

Join us, won't you, as we continue to skip down the cobblestone, empty blow-baggie-strewn paths of 2007 Memory Lane:
April
· The Captivity billboard campaign. (Did those ever come down?)
· Keith Richards admits to snorting his pa.
· Defending the Cavemen.
· A smiley Joe Francis is put away for a very long time.
· Larry Birkhead hates to tell us he told us so, but he told us so.
· Don Imus is Moonves'd.
· A Mischaesque harbinger of things to come.
· Sanjaya, out.
· Alec Baldwin's "rude, thoughtless little pig" tirade.
· Foul-mouthed infant landlord Pearl becomes a sensation.
· Rosie announces her departure.
· Jack Valenti dies.
· Stephen Hawking flies.

That was quick! Aniston's flack is quashing the baby banter. "She is not pregnant," says she. Spies also tell the tab that Jen has been spotted drinking martinis and getting her hair dyed, both no-gos for the gravid. Another update since the last post: Brad and Angelina had ten more kids and a water horse. [Us Weekly]

· Steve Jobs and Rupert Murdoch emerge from their jacuzzi-bound tete-a-tete with a new deal in place that allows iTunes users to "rent" Fox movies. [Variety]
· The stock prices of major media conglomerates have "barely budged" in the eight weeks since the writers strike started, but investment experts warn that Howie Mandel getting so much as a splinter would result in dramatic fluctuations. [Variety]
· The WGA hired Democratic strategists Bill Carrick and Kam Kuwata. Carrick "oversaw the campaign of former Los Angeles mayor James Hahn against current Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and the gubernatorial campaign of Treasurer Phil Angelides against Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger." Um... [Variety]
· Meanwhile, networks who formerly seemed destined to never get along are mending fences like never before: For the first time in history, NBC and CBS will both be airing the same Patriots season finale game. [THR]
· The Kingdom director Peter Berg is in talks to join Edwin A. Salt, a movie about a CIA officer "fingered as a Russian sleeper spy." Tom Cruise is attached to play the fingered Russian. [THR]

The One Where Jennifer Aniston Might Be Pregnant is on the cover of the National Enquirer this week: Jen, whom you might remember as having had a little headline-hogging romance with a certain hunky actor (Tate Donovan) a few years back, has, in the past, been speculated to have put a baby on the backburner (not literally) so as to pursue a film career. Box office returns suggest that she might now try reproducing instead. [Enquirer]

It was with heavy heart that we learned of Benazir Bhutto's assassination today in Rawalpindi, Pakistan at the hands of a suicide bomber firing a gun while riding a motorbike into a crowded political rally (sheesh—they don't fool around there, do they?), and while we acknowledge such a monumentally tragic event has no place amongst the frivolous goings on at Defamer, we still feel compelled, as is our custom, to offer some casting suggestions for the inevitable CBS Movie of the Week depicting the events.

And you thought they wouldn't last. Actually, you probably haven't thought about them at all, but Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride star Brendan Fraser, and his wife, Afton Smith ("Ursala's Friend" in George of the Jungle) are splitting after nine years. Nine years of marriage. In Hollywood years, that's like not getting divorced at all. People reports:

Pencils down, everyone! We have the Official Mischa Barton 2007 Drugs-And-Alcohol, Not Just Alcohol, DUI Mugshot for you courtesy of TMZ—and it's a doozy. We can practically hear Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" playing over it. Those of you who guessed half-smile, you win. Those of you who guessed Nick Nolte hair, you win too. And to astute commenter Muzzy Van Hossmere, who went all in with the "'crying from one eye' technique she perfected on The O.C.," well—you've won big, our friend. Your wall-sized, Warholian lithograph of the image, suitable for framing, is in the mail.

Our mutation-identification-specialist siblings over at Gawker have discovered something truly disconcerting going on with Lindsay Lohan's right hand: Ten fingers! If ever there was a reason for expecting moms not to chug thalidomide-and-amaretto cocktails at fake-Rockette after-parties, this is it! [Gawker]

We knew the end of the year would net a far bigger DUI fish than Boy Meets World's Topanga, and Swervy Claus has come through once again, crashing his sleigh into the side of Defamer HQ-2 with a newly booked Mischa Barton to put under our twinkling Christmas stump. True to their names, the girls at Hollyscoop were first on the scene: