Who could forget that disconsolate look on Carson Daly's face when we caught up with him at CES in Las Vegas, lamenting the absence of the beloved staff of gag writers that make each and every episode of Total Late Night Live a journey worth taking (if you can't afford cable, and CBS comes in really fuzzy regardless of where you point your bunny ears). But news of the strike's resolution isn't likely to do much to raise the spirits of the crestfallen talk show host, as the network has celebrated their return with a hearty round of axings. Deadline Hollywood Daily reports:

The gays can be particularly tedious when they question the sexuality of every boyish actor. Which is why one has some sympathy for Hayden Christensen, who's been fending off rumors of a relationship with Trevor Blumas, a fellow Canadian actor, for years. (Here was one effort: "To me, masculinity is the ability to flirt with the effeminate.") Whatever. But the fevered yearning of gay Hayden fans is sweet and innocent beside the promotion by the marketers of Jumper of an official rumor: that the delicate boy-actor is again, just in time for the movie's release, heterosexually dating Rachel Bilson. His cute co-star wears a bracelet engraved with an H; coyly avoids confirmation or denial of a relationship; and the two of them wandered romantically around Downtown Manhattan locations, like paparazzi bait, for Valentine's Day. "To all the ladies who I'm sure would like to know," Rachel told one of the morning shows. "He was a good kisser!" Blech! Anyway, aside from such cynical efforts to draw female fans, and what critics say is a thin plot, Doug Liman's camerawork looks typically stylish, and Christensen's ability to teleport is a special power every teenager has yearned for. Jumper opens today. The trailer, after the jump.

· Things Michael Bay considers awesome: Blowing shit up, tigers in his living room, fiber-optic internet access. Especially the first one.
· We completely forgot to watch The Moment of Truth last night, but thanks to Fox's handy YouTube recaps, we got all caught up in just two minutes. We'll never suffer through another drawn out pause between the lie-detecting robot lady's "The answer is..." and an anticlimactic "TRUE!" again!
· Here's a handy guide to how some celebrities are spending their Valentine's Day. It's interesting because they're famous!
· Incarcerated former Prison Break star Lane Garrison and Access Hollywood are pen pals! Tomorrow: Dr. Drew reads aloud from Pat O'Brien's sobriety diary on Celebrity Rehab.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! We feel a little guilty about not having gotten you anything since that Law & Order card two years ago, so we made sure to get an early start this year combing the internets for just the right, costless gesture to show you how much you mean to us. Luckily, ABC's website had plenty of Valentine's options. Some of us gravitated to the sensual mystery of their Lost series, but for our money, nothing said romance like the horny doctors of Grey's Anatomy. Above, we've placed Seattle Grace's attending physicians side by side, in a McMindblowing battle for your affections. But for Grey's purists who like their cast Valentine's Day card collections complete, we've mocked one up featuring the second season's most conspicuously absent member. It's after the jump—and remember, everyone: We choo-choo-choose you!

We can't say we know much about Bai Ling, save that she's ubiquitous (watch her ghostly apparition suddenly appear and start signing autographs next to Larry King in this paparazzi video), gave some of the most brain-meltingly awful (in the good way) musical performances in TV history on But Can They Sing?, could safely be classified as "fashion forward," and generally enjoys being the center of attention. In fact, now that we really think about it, she's done nothing but bring us joy, however obliquely. So we'll refrain from passing judgment on her arrest yesterday for swiping two magazines and a pack of batteries at an LAX magazine stand, or snickering at her mugshot, in which she just looks kind of sad. We're sure that after the proper shopliftinghab treatment, Ling will back to her old self in no time, full of vitality and grabbing Santa by the balls.

· Music round-up: Mellowdrone at Spaceland; The Black Lips at the El Rey; Aretha "Call Me the Queen" Franklin at the Nokia Theatre; Was (Not Was) with Brian Wilson and Kris Kristofferson at the Orpheum Theatre.
· The Silent Movie Theatre offers a Valentine's Day double-feature of Casablanca and The Love Tapes, Wendy Clarke's collection of three-minute videos of people sharing their personal experiences of love (awwww!), some of which will be freshly recorded in a kiosk at the event.
· The WordTheatre presents Hot Flicks: Love Scenes From the Silver Screen at Social Hollywood, where actors like Illeana Douglas, Robert Amanda Seyfried and Kevin Weisman perform "classic and contemporary love scenes from the best movies of all time."

One of our favorite Oscar traditions is the menu of original cocktails inspired by the five Best Picture nominees, as devised by the clever bartending staff of The Polo Lounge. We gave them a call to see what they came up with this year (yes, these are all real):
· To honor No Country for Old Men, they have Blood and Sand: Johnny Walker Red, cherry brandy, sweet vermout, and a splash of OJ served strained in martini glass. Enough of those should give you a hangover that feels like a bolt-stunner to the melon.
· The Juno drink is a Blue Slushee, named for the frozen treat our hero upchucks into her stepmother's urn: Stoli raspberry, blue curacao, and lemonade, blended with ice.

While some writers mused about taking minimum-wage gigs to help them make ends meet or alleviate their boredom during the strike, My Name is Earl creator Greg Garcia actually followed through on the idea, hoping to reconnect with the people a sitcom showrunner tends not to encounter while locked in a writers room with a dozen former Harvard Lampoon writers for 14 hours a day. According to THR, Garcia quietly took a month-long job at an undisclosed fast food joint, careful not to reveal to his new coworkers that he was actually a millionaire TV producer patiently waiting around for some kind of deep-fryer mishap he could possibly work into a future Earl. Not unexpectedly, Garcia experienced some amusing plot complications during his high-concept adventure, which ended with the kind of feel-good, hugging-and-learning resolution we all expect from our Hollywood-produced comedies:

An otherwise perfect Indy 4 trailer premiere day has been sullied by yet another verbal pipe bomb launched in the ongoing Spielberg vs. Beijing Summer Olympics incident. This time, its the Chinese who have retaliated, with Foreign Ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao saying, "Linking the Darfur issue to the Olympic Games will not help to resolve this issue and is not in line with the Olympic Spirit that separates sports from politics. It is understandable if some people do not understand the Chinese government policy on Darfur. But I am afraid that some people may have ulterior motives, and this we cannot accept." Pressed to expound, Jianchao wouldn't specify who those people are or what their motives were, save to add, "Well....LET'S just say that SOMEbody—and I'm not mentioning any names, but it rhymes with Rett Batner—would stop at virtually nothing to get Spielberg pull out the project, so that he could sweep in at the last minute and save the opening ceremonies with his hacky vision." [ABCNews]

That's according to The Hollywood Reporter's review of Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom. And they're not the only reviewers struggling to find a silver lining for the Berlin Film Fest flop. The story revolves around three bohemians living together in London: one's a pervy musician, one's a ballet dancer/pole dancer, and the other wants to go to Africa and save dying babies or something. Clunky plot line aside, Variety managed to drum up a positive aspect as well; the soundtrack features "cracky little numbers"!

After seeing photos of Lindsay Lohan at last night's Fendi party, we couldn't help but feel proud of our girl. For the first time in years, that freckled face showed no signs of alcohol poisoning, septum damage, hangover bloat or conspicuous white dust at all. Lindsay's new Sober Face makes all her previous public appearances look like a dismal collage of (fun-filled!) disaster-laced evenings. Speaking of said evenings, we put together a little sampling of some of our favorite past instances of LiLo sporting her Tipsy Face. We think you'll all agree that she looks much better when she avoids the booze. All the dizzying "before" shots after the jump!

And then there were five. Last night's Project Runway was the last before next week's catty reunion episode. (Apparently the African-American girl we have no absolutely no recollection of was really upset about certain things someone said about her!)

· Paramount breaks the hearts of the millions of Trekkies who thought they'd be spending Christmas at the multiplex with Kirk, Spock and Uhura, delaying their J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek from this December 25 until May 8, 2009 in hopes that they can wring more money from the franchise during the summer blockbuster season. Also, DreamWorks is moving Ben Stiller's Tropic Thunder from this July 11 to August 15, a change that Stiller's fans will endure without complaint. [Variety]
· We knew that Tom Cruise parody video was going to put some sizzle back into his career: Jerry O'Connell joins the cast of indie romantic comedy Baby on Board, which will also includes Heather Graham, John Corbett and Ian Ziering. [THR]

Via Craigslist's Missed Connections, our humble attempt to help one anonymous lonelyheart find her briefly encountered soulmate on this Valentine's Day: "Dark Hair, Striped Sweater, Clean Cut at The Griffin - w4m - 23
I saw you across the bar and couldn't believe my eyes. I was drinking a Guinness and you were talking to two friends. I stood near you, hoping you'd notice me. Did you? Me: dark hair, ponytail, gray jacket, glasses. You: Joseph Gordon-Levitt." [Craigslist]

With just weeks to go before Diablo Cody graduates from obscure screenwriter to global household name among Oscar's billion-man viewing audience, we thought we'd take another look at what lies just beyond her blinding horizon. Having already stolen a peek at Jennifer's Body, the horror project all but guaranteed to usher the expression "Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped," into the popular lexicon, Something Awful has just stumbled upon the first three pages of her next script, replete with Cody-authored margin notes. Quotey (a Diablo Cody Parody™), is a "dramedy about a brilliant-yet-spunky screenwriter who says what we all think but still faces persecution for her quirky ways." Will Quotey and boyfriend Braniel make love work? Will the Mountain Goats still be cool by the release date? Is "Spill the beans, you bean-factory worker with Parkinson's," too edgy for Diablo's newfound mass audience? Not to worry: Throw a skinny-legged high school track team jogging in the background of every third shot, and everything else will fall into place. The full page containing the excerpt above is after the jump.

An appalling four months after the brave Deal Or No Deal model-slave known only as Briefcase Number Two took to basic cable to expose the show's inhumane working conditions (particularly chilling was Two's showcasing of the scars Howie Mandel inflicted with a cat o' nine tails for her unacceptable fumbling with a lock on her assigned Zero Halliburton during a crucial moment), the mainstream media has decided to finally take up the mistreated mannequins' cause.

Whether or not Gil Cates is able to pull any tricks from his rumpled sleeves to make this year's Oscar ceremony watchable, there'll be at least one event next weekend guaranteed to get the town buzzing. Us Weekly is reporting that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will be attending a pre-Oscar bash that sworn enemy Jennifer Aniston has also RSVP'd to. You know what this means, people. We're talking catfights, Hills-like confrontations and revenge tattoos galore. At least that's what we're hoping for.

MENSA International, the V.I.I.Q. club who claims amongst its brainy members such luminaries as Steve Martin, Geena Davis, Jodie Foster, Sharon Stone and Jimmy "180" Woods, has issued a list of what they deem to be the Top Ten Smartest TV Shows of all Time. It's a highly subjective topic sure to provoke debate, as much as for who made MENSA chair Jim Werdell's list (CSI, Boston Legal, Mad About You) as for who didn't (The Sopranos, Quantum Leap, Passions). The full list after the jump:

Yesterday, Variety reported that several Big Name Actors were about to kick off a public campaign to shame convince SAG's leadership and the studios to pick up a phone and arrange the kind of pleasant little rap session with moguls like News Corps' Peter Chernin, Disney's Bob Iger and CBS's Les "Negotiations Are Fun! Let's Do One Every Week at My Place! I'll Even Spring for the Bagels!" Moonves that helped to end the writers strike, hoping that getting a jump on things before their Guild's contract expires at the end of June might help to avoid another one of those mildly inconvenient, 100-day shutdowns of the industry that seem wildly passé at this point. The first of these exhortations are appearing in the trades today, with the initial installment authored by George Clooney, Robert De Niro, Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep, a line-up so laden with Oscar hardware that Hollywood has no choice but to take notice of their plea.

We have a vivid memory of attending opening day of The Phantom Menace back in 1999: As the lights dimmed, one Darth Maul groupie—who appeared to achieve his ornate facial markings through the liberal application of drugstore lipstick and black shoe polish—shouted "16 years!!!" to appreciative cheers. What followed, of course, was not just unworthy of the 16 year wait since the previous Star Wars installment, but probably not even worth the two hours it took to sit through the movie itself. You could read it on the disappointed faces of each and every man, woman, and Ewok filing out of the theater that night, some of whom are to this day traumatized by the patois-spouting duck-ape called Jar Jar Binks.