That's according to The Hollywood Reporter's review of Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom. And they're not the only reviewers struggling to find a silver lining for the Berlin Film Fest flop. The story revolves around three bohemians living together in London: one's a pervy musician, one's a ballet dancer/pole dancer, and the other wants to go to Africa and save dying babies or something. Clunky plot line aside, Variety managed to drum up a positive aspect as well; the soundtrack features "cracky little numbers"!

As for the cinematography, Var chides Madonna for staying stuck in the 80s: "It's as if she's taken her video for 'Papa Don't Preach' as her main dramaturgical template." But despite all the Madonna-hatin', we're somewhat tempted to sneak into a theater incognito and watch it based solely on the description of leading man Eugene Hutz. Var claims he's got "rock-star charisma" and is the only actor since Daniel Day-Lewis to make a handlebar moustache look sexy. Though we beg to differ with that last assertion (Sascha Baron Cohen in Sweeney Todd, hello!), we'd sit down for a reading session of Erotica with Hutz any day.