· Warner Bros. snapped up the rights to South Korean hit The Chaser, with The Departed writer William Monahan set to write the adaption, and Leonardo DiCaprio and the Really Obvious Departed Rat "circling to star." [Variety]
· John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph will star in an untitled "relationship comedy" written by Dave Eggers and his wife Vendela Vida, bringing Eggers one terrifying step closer to writing a Matthew McConaughey-Kate Hudson vehicle. [Variety]

First John Mayer started to grow on us (a little bit) with his skills handling the TMZ paparazzi and voracious autograph seekers, then he won us over (okay, a lot) when we saw him jogging on a yacht wearing green Borat butt floss tightly wound across his nearly perfect buttocks. And now, having penned a giant Fuck You to one of his exes online, he's officially convinced us that we were correct in falling head over heels for the guy after witnessing his rendition of "Chocolate Rain" on Best Week Ever. But back to the story at hand! Earlier this week, John had the following to say to Jessica Simpson one of his anonymous ex-girlfriends:

One of the juicier blind items off the transom lately involves an A-list actress, a bold-faced female mag editor, and unkempt pubic hair. Asks the NY Daily News, "Which female A-lister's Sapphic relationship with a top editrix came to a crashing halt when the wordsmith saw her 'wildly' unkempt nether regions?" While memories of former Jane editor-in-chief Jane Pratt's claims that she dabbled in the Land of Lesbianism with Drew Barrymore delightfully resurface in our minds, Pratt is now a full-time radio chick. Recently departed Interview EIC Ingrid Sischy (not so delightfully) is another possibility, but somehow we can't see her gasping at the sight of an imperfect wax, considering her signature Bob Dylan-esque 'do. We leave it up to you, our faithful readers, to out the thwarted thespian in need of a pronto Brazilian in the comments. [NYDN]

While AOL has put together a rosy list of the "hottest on-set hookups," complete with lusty make-out pictures and lovey-dovey tales from between the sheets, we feel obligated to point out that not every "hot" and heavy on-set romance leads to a fairy tale ending. In fact, a few of these couples' choices to get busy in between scenes wreaked havoc on both their personal and professional lives, leading some to lose their spouses, their reps and, in Angelina Jolie's case, a tattoo or two. We put together our own list of the top five most ill-fated on-set hookups, mainly to remind these bed-hopping stars that sometimes it's best to just say no to illicit trailer sex.

Dustin Hoffman may actually be America's oldest teenager (or at least America's oldest twentysomething) just on the verge of really making something happen.

Poised to overtake Semi-Pro as the #1 comedy in America this weekend, 10,000 B.C., Roland Emmerich's hilariously bombastic homage to the dawn of CGI-man, officially opens today. Along the way, it has inspired film critics to some of their best movie-panning in recent memory, with the NY Times's A.O. Scott having dubbed this tale of a "tribe of snuffleupagus hunters" a "sublimely dunderheaded excursion into human prehistory." Here's a sampling of some of the caveman-themed headlines that contributed to its 9% Tomato-Meter score:

Another day, another star lost to the more-popular-than-ever VIP club that is the Church of Scientology. But unlike Tom and Katie's previous predatory attacks on Jennifer Lopez and the Beckhams, this one really hurts. On Wednesday night, the Knights of Hubbard went on a double date with Oscar winner Forrest Whitaker and his wife Keisha, right on the heels of last Wednesday's double date with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith (long-term victims of TomKat's proselytizing ways). Savvy observers will recall that this isn't Whitaker's first brush with the wily ways of Scientologists; back in 1999, he spent months on end on the set of Battlefield Earth with John Travolta. So, the question is this — does he have enough willpower left to resist yet another call from Xenu's sworn enemies?

Blogging on the election (presidential, not Idol) for the Huffington Post, Larry David admits he's lost a bit of confidence in the increasingly histrionic Hillary Clinton: "There have been times in this campaign when she seemed so unhinged that I worried she'd actually kill herself if she lost...I don't care if it's 3 a.m. or 10 p.m. or any other time. I don't want her talking to Putin, I don't want her talking to Kim Jong Il, I don't want her talking to my nephew. She needs a long rest. She needs to put on a sarong and some sun block and get away from things for a while, a nice beach somewhere." We're looking forward to Jerry Seinfeld's own op-ed on the race, in which he asks, "What is with this Hillary Rodham Clinton? The woman's totally a woodwork wacko! And she's a three-name woman...and many of the three-named people do become assassins." [HuffPo]

A Seinfeld sitcom denial! "NBC and Jerry Seinfeld shot down a New York Post report Friday that the comic was in talks with the network about a new sitcom. 'There's nothing to it,' said NBC spokeswoman Rebecca Marks." Pressed if there was even an outside chance of a special Seinfeld-themed Deal or No Deal, in which Newman, Uncle Leo, Soup Nazi, Susan, and the rest of the supporting players hoisted aluminum briefcases in place of the regular models, Marks simply pressed her lips tightly, turned an imaginary key at the corner of her mouth, and tossed it away. [Yahoo/AP]

300 director Zack Snyder understands and appreciates the fanboy brain. Realizing that Watchmen, the sacred graphic-novel text he's been entrusted to adapt for Warner Bros. (and that Fox is suing to desist), is now "officially one year and counting" from its premiere, he's posted a series of high-quality photographs of the major characters in costume to tide them over until then. One glimpse at the attention to detail (check out those heavy-duty codpieces!) paid to the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), Nite-Owl (Patrick Wilson), and Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) is sure to send the legions of fanboys who waited 22 years for this day running directly into their bathrooms, with strict orders to their moms that they aren't to be disturbed.

Haven't you heard? Stripping is back en vogue again (again)! Partly thanks to Ms. Busey-Hunt herself, the IdolStripperGate nonsense, and all those former strippers blogging away in support of the feminist cause that is taking your clothes off for money, our slideshow-happy friends at Us Magazine have dredged up the secret pasts of some other former private dancers. And though some may not surprise you (Courtney Love? NO! WAY!), there are also some Hollywood A-listers on their list. Find out after the jump which three Oscar nominees have, at one time or another, had to pull crumpled George Washingtons from their crotches after a long night of hustling.

Jerry Seinfeld hasn't had a whole lot to do since his seminal sitcom left the airwaves (completely voluntarily, despite what Larry King might have thought); his surfeit of downtime has been primarily filled slandering his wife's plagiarism accuser and shitting CGI honey-pats on the Oscars podium. It turns out, however, that Seinfeld will not sit idle much longer:

· We meant to get to this earlier, but alas, we never did. This morning brought news that slow-core indie auteur David Gordon Green is planning on remaking Suspiria, Dario Argento's late '70s giallo masterwork. While we think the world of DGG, we're not sure his talents are best suited to remaking Argento's candy-colored classic. That said, here's hoping he doesn't try to pull a Gus Van Sant and try to go shot-for-shot with his remake. Warning, this video of the climax of one of the most terrifying (yet also most perfectly art-directed) scenes in cinema history is NSFW. [MTV Movie Blog]
· Wondering what the controlled substance was that got Gummi Bear Davis in hot water? Would you believe us if we told you it was heroin? Shocking, we know. [TMZ]
· Leave it to the Latvian Symphony Orchestra to out-do Europe's triumphant "The Final Countdown." We always knew they had it in 'em. [I Heart Chaos via Gorilla Mask]
· As SXSW approaches, we can think of no person that better represents the plight of indie musicians these days than Rachael Ray. [The Hater]
· There Will Be Bud! [Funny Or Die]

Like a desperate terrorist handcuffed to a suitcase nuke and eyeing a nearby hacksaw, shooting on the new season of 24 found itself barbarically cleaved in two by the writers strike. Since Season 7 won't now premiere until January 2009, producers have announced the filming of a 24 TV movie to tide audiences over until then. Whether audiences even bother returning after the series's last predictable and outlandish season remains to be seen. By the time the movie airs in the fall, however, we'll at least have a better idea of whether they should have stuck with the African American-president template, or were wise in switching it up to the Cherry Jones model instead. [THR]

If you've ever spent more than eight consecutive hours in an edit bay, you understand that it's quite easy to lose your grasp on reality. And when that happens, sometimes the only way to cut the tension and spring yourself back to life is to drop an easter egg into what you're working on. Maybe it's inserting a random shot into a scene, maybe it's an unnecessary cut, it all depends on what the editor has available to work with. 99% of the time, those jokes get left on the cutting room floor by those humorless, good-for-nothing producers. But every so often, one of those easter eggs manages to sneak its way into the final product.

We turn now to the toiling assistant underclass, thanklessly shoveling call-rolling coal into the giant furnaces of the majestic agenting ships that dominate the Hollywood seas. (Forgive us. We're tired and all we can manage are Titanic-inspired metaphors right now.) Sadly, it's news of yet another dehumanizing blow to their ranks, as UTA higher-ups circulated a memo today informing assistants they would no longer have e-mail addresses using their own names. Instead, their new e-mail addresses would reflect their parasitic dependency on their desk-lamp-launching host-agents. The memo:

Being an actor is just such a tough job. Finding and reading the right scripts, then working on the project for a couple of months. Then there's the long hours and stretches away from your family. But then it's followed a month and half long vacation to Mexico. Whereas the writer, the lucky one, sits hunched over a laptop racking his or her brain to come up with the next great American catchphrase (let's be honest, will anyone ever top "Your eggo is preggo"?) and then coming home with his or her clothes smelling like Starbucks. And if one is lucky enough to sell the script, there are the endless rounds of notes and rewrites and notes on the rewrite and another round of rewrites. Man, it's so tough to be an actor.

Via LAist: An admirer of Marion Cotillard has mounted the ultimate L.A.-tribute to the Oscar-winner: A mural, located on La Brea just north of San Vincente, quoting the French actress's Oscar speech shout-out to her La Vie en Rose director Olivier Dahan, and written with the blood on the hands of shady Ground Zero contractors. There truly are angels in this city!

It seems clear that when an actress' career is going nowhere fast, there is only one place to turn: commercials for over-the-hill underwear! Following Jennifer Love Hewitt's sizable lead, Sarah Chalke will be the new face (and butt) of the Hanes No Ride Up Panty line, a collection which appears to be inspired by everyone's grandmother's undergarments. They're big, they're thick, and they're targeted for every gal out there who suffers from too frequent wedgies. Though Sarah does look lovely (and "wedgie-free"!) in the Hanes print ad, we're a little nervous to view the commercial spot scheduled during March 11's American Idol. As much as we adore Sarah and the Hanes marketing team's dedication to pulling an idea out of their asses (pun most definitely intended), we feel obligated to remind them of the world's long-ago-discovered antidote to the panty slip-n-slide: thongs. [ONTD]

· J. Michael Walker, who has researched every street in L.A. named for a saint, now has a collection of paintings titled "All the Saints of the City of the Angels" currently showing at the Autry National Center. He also has a book of the same name, which is full of portraits of these saints and their stories; he'll be presenting his work at Book Soup tonight.
· Sing. Sing a song. Sing out loud. Sing out strong. Or, if that's not your speed, you can just listen to Nicole Atkins at the Troubadour, Rooney and The Whigs at the Roxy or The Foo Fighters at the Forum.
· AFI's Directors Screenings at the Arclight (Hollywood) screens The Wonder of It All, followed by Q&A with director Jeffrey Roth and astronaut Buzz Aldrin. The evening will be moderated by chief CNN technology and environment correspondent Miles O'Brien. If you're reading this, Marion Cotillard, you're not invited!