In a candid interview befitting her 85 years of Earthly service, gossip matron Liz Smith holds forth in the Observer this week on subjects ranging from the good old docile days of entertainment reporting, her loyal ghostwriters "longtime assistants" Mary Jo and Dennis and the hippie scum that devastated her club-society utopia in the late '60s. Oh, and she's horny:
Back in October, the horny boys over at Maxim decided to morph into bitchy girls and rank their picks for the top five "unsexiest" women in Hollywood. And while some of their choices are semi-understandable (no offense to our troubled Britney Spears, but we would've ranked her higher than #5), their number one pick has responded to the listing in a very teary fashion. Sarah Jessica Parker was voted #1; as the struggling lad mag's editors put it, "How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with 'sex' in the title?" But after six months of stewing in her own misery, SJP is fighting back:
Upon close examination of the latest evidence, Eliot Spitzer's overpriced call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre appears to in fact be twins with—or possibly the same person as—overpriced hip hop producer Scott Storch. Have you ever seen them in the same place together at the same time? We haven't. Just think about it. The visuals really make the case; after the jump, a photographic lineup that says more than words ever could.
Your Dad will likely be thrilled to hear this morning that Paramount plans a Jack Ryan revival starting in 2010, while the rest of us are intrigued to see Sam Raimi recruited as the studio's go-to helmer for the reborn franchise. A glorified genre director if ever there was one, Raimi's stewardship of Sony's $2.5 billion Spider-Man empire reportedly impressed the 'Mount enough to lock him in for the fifth installment of the spy series for a 2010 release.
Immediately after our exclusive story that executives at Sony attempted to squash an MSNBC.com story about Will Smith's alleged involvement with Scientology ran last night, Defamer received an email from the MSNBC.com news team stating the following: "We have now heard from Sony - furious that someone at msnbc.com is claiming that they asked us to kill the piece." Shortly thereafter, they updated their original story to include a denial that they had ever been contacted by Sony. As any faithful entertainment news follower is well aware, it is standard practice for media big guns to play the denial card as soon as any poor press hits. However, it is important to note that we here at Defamer are standing by the accuracy of our item; we will not be pressured into pulling it down.
· The beauty of Jewno is in its attention to detail. To wit: a bagels, lox, & cream cheese phone. [YouTube]
· Prince at Coachella! [LAT]
· Today in sci-fi: First glimpses of the Starfleet Nerdcademy. Arthur C. Clarke dies in Sri Lanka at age 90. [aintitcool.com, Reuters]
· Watch Adam Carolla call Carrie Ann Inaba a "bitch" on last night's Dancing with the Stars premiere. [TMZ]
· CBS's godawful sitcoms post higher ratings than ever since returning from the strike. Seriously, though. Just the pits. That Christine one? And the Big Bang one? Ugh. [THR]
· Kirstie Alley has signed a deal with Harpo to develop "future television projects, including a possible daily strip format." We hope that just means a five-episode-per-week syndie, and not that Alley will be prancing around again on the Oprah stage in a bathing suit with any regularity. [ETOnline]
We have disappointing news, as Abraham Karpen (the adorable mensch plucked out of Hasidic anonymity and cast opposite Natalie Portman—one of the most famous, talented, and beautiful Jewesses on the planet!) has been ordered to stop filming on a segment of New York, I Love You by Hasidic elders who clearly want to ruin his LIFE FOREVER!!! (*Sound of scampering down a hallway and a bedroom door slamming shut.*) [ABC News]
If you're the average superstar, surrounding yourself with a dream-team of handlers is probably the single most important decision you'll make: Any weak link in the commission-claiming chain can result in the kinds of career missteps that result in disastrous tumbles down the Hollywood food chain, where you'll soon find yourself groveling for any elephant-voicing breadcrumbs the studios are still willing to toss your way. (Needless to say, with plenty of strings attached). Vince Vaughn knows this all too well, and he's reportedly disposed of his entire team in one phoned-in management massacre. From the Deadline Hollywood Daily exclusive:
Donald Trump is reportedly "appalled" that an uninvited promotional model crashed his Super Bowl party wearing nothing but his logo painted on her body. But we're confused; according to the event reps, they "hire[d] three promotional models, all over the age of 21 to be opaquely painted with logos for this event." So presumably, paint-adorned "waitresses" were par for the course at Trump's oh-so-classy liquor-sponsored party. So was it the fact that the crasher in question, one Chanell Elaine Hallett, was a youthful 17 years old, or is it her scandalous MySpace photo gallery that has Trump flustered? Photos from Miss Hallett's Ashley Alexandre Dupré-esque personal page follow after the jump.
· A whole mess of Jim Henson rarities, including shorts, commercials, and other experimental ditties, will screen at the Silent Movie Theatre.
· Kinky at the Mayan Theater, The Velvet Teen at the Knitting Factory, Rachael Yamagata at the Hotel Café, The Sword at the El Rey.
· NYC party promoter and nonprofit Charity:Water founder Scott Harrison will be at Theory for a thirst-quenching perspective on community service.
You know, I neither want to nor have to hang out with a bunch of kids all day. With their sticky hands, runny noses and always wanting to listen to The Wiggles. It'd be so overwhelming. Kids. Always needing to be entertained. Anyway, now I can just go to the beach and just hang out or shoot off to Greece for a month after a movie wraps and just zone out. The single life is where it's at. Now go fetch me a daiquiri, Mr. Vin Diesel lookalike. Mama's thirsty.
Defamer has learned that executives at Sony tried to have an MSNBC story outing Will Smith as a closeted Scientologist killed. With the Smith tentpole Hancock slated for a July release, execs are clearly worried their big summer blockbuster will turn into another Mission:Impossible 3 conundrum, when Tom Cruise's anything-but-glib antics spurred petitions against the film and damaged the film's B.O. on both the domestic and international fronts. In an effort to prevent a similar shitshow come July, our source claims Sony forced a denial statement out of Smith after MSNBC stuck by their original story:
The unrepentant bad boy we always knew was lurking inside Shia LeBeouf finally broke out for good today when, as TMZ reports, the actor failed to appear at a hearing for a pending unlawful smoking citation from Feb. 18. LeBeouf, whose previous, equally dire legal woes over trespassing at Walgreen's ended in dropped charges last December, didn't get off as easy this time; after neither LeBeouf nor his lawyer appeared for an 8:30 a.m. court date, a judge reportedly issued a $1,000 bench warrant for the young Transformers star's arrest. Alas, "unlawful smoking" does not connote the kinds of sordid techniques of our favorite underground smoking fetish videos. LeBeouf merely stood too close to the front door of a Burbank gift store with a lit cigarette — merely a gateway misdemeanor, we're sure, to the inevitable gas station, airplane and hospital puffery we know is on the way. [TMZ]
Yet another cache of still images from the alleged Kristin Davis sex tape (or perhaps it's just a dirty flipbook?) have emerged, sure to be pored over by a click-happy nation of Sex and the City devotees determined to know for certain whether or not the series's good-girl archetype was capable of performing unspeakably naughty things on camera. It's yet another example of the sort of unfolding visual story best told in the comic book format we first formulated for Paris Hilton's Super Bowl party humiliation. Without further ado, then, we offer six more action-packed panels to our Defamer Comics library, placing our unidentified heroine—we were careful not to jump to any hasty conclusions—in a sexy New Wave romance of her own. And though much thought was put into speech-bubble placement, it's still mildly NSFW, and it's after the jump:
After years of studios and exhibitors fighting like cats and dogs about everything from release windows to the ideal temperature for popcorn butter, there's a certain Zen calm in the détente symbolized by Regal Cinemas' announcement that it would begin running red-band trailers on its more than 6,000 screens nationwide. The restricted previews, featuring racier language and sexual content than their G-rated greenband counterparts, have historically been banished to the Web since 2000, when the FCC cracked down on studios it accused of marketing sex and violence to kids. Digital technology makes pre-programming easier these days, however, thus better targeting new releases and diminishing the likelihood of such hilarious trailer mishaps like those downplayed by Universal marketing boss Adam Fogelson:
If you're looking to get wasted on national television, look no further than cocktail expert Martha Stewart. On last night's Conan, sweet-as-sugar Stewart instructed Conan on how to mix his own cocktails as a nod to O'Brien's Irish heritage. Though the very highbrow (and very femme) clover-adorned fruity drinks looked just scrumptious, Conan preferred chugging some gold old-fashioned Guinness instead. While it takes more than a few beers to eradicate all of that loveable trademark nervous energy that he brings to the Late Night set five nights a week, Martha tried her best to get Conan tipsy.
With the way things are going in Hollywood these days, studio executives and movie producers should be treating this trio (okay, well maybe just Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow) like they are the two guys who know the secret formula for Coca-Cola. You know, don't put them in the same room at the same time (let alone fly together), just in case something happens. The impact that a Day The Music Died type of plane crash would have on the Los Angeles economy could be worse than the Writers' Strike and the potential Actors' strike combined. Let alone the crippling impact it would have on those clothing companies that sell t-shirts with quotes from Apatow produced films. Not to mention, all the dudebros and frat guys who would be left to their own devices to come up with something clever to say instead of quickly dispensing a zinger from one of their films. For all of our sakes, please travel separately from here on out, stoners!
After hearing that Billion Dollar Girl Miley Cyrus has added yet another name to her list of identities, we had to wonder how all this name-changing business is supposed to help an already-famous star's career. Cyrus, who was given the flashy title Destiny Hope Cyrus at birth, was nicknamed Smiley Miley as a kid by her achy breaky dad Billy and, guess what, it stuck. Now, AOL is reporting that Cyrus has officially changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus, just like dad Billy Ray. But how have the most memorable mid-career name games fared when it comes to a celebrity's career? We took a look at a few of the most famous quick switches, and discovered it takes more than a flashy press announcement (and even a flashy new symbol) to inject a falling star with newfound fame...
· One Tree Hill celebrates its 100th episode with a very special one in which Chad Michael Murray slips into autopilot while secretly fantasizing to himself about how nice it would be to break free of The CW ghetto for the feature movie career he so richly deserves. [Variety]
· Peter Berg signs on to direct Dune for Paramount, presumably righting whatever wrongs were committed against the sacred source material by David Lynch's Sting-in-a-licorice-thong version. [Variety]
· McLovin works! The voice talents of Christopher Mintz-Plasse, along with Superbad buddy and child insult comic Jonah Hill, will be employed to thrilling effect in Dreamworks's computer-animated fantasy, How to Train Your Dragon. [THR]
Details regarding director Anthony Minghella's sudden death early this morning are finally emerging, with the official cause of death now listed as a brain hemorrhage, which may have been a result of surgery he had several days ago to remove a growth in his neck. Harvey Weinstein, a longtime collaborator of Minghella's who distributed all five of his theatrical features in the States (ultimately handling his final film, No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, as a TV pilot with HBO and the BBC), issued a poignant remembrance to Variety:
