Having (so far) failed to entice British power duo Posh 'n Becks into their ever-growing nest of celebrity Scientologists, Tom Cruise and Co. have apparently decided that their next best approach to conquering Great Britain is to aim a few notches lower on the celebrity totem pole. The Sun is reporting that 2007 tabloid fixture Pete Doherty is "is hooked on the barmy religion which believes humans are an exiled race from outer space" [Ed. Note - Barmy?] and that he "has bought a pile of books on the subject" ever since falling into the sack with a Scientologist DJ (presumably not Danny Masterson, but you never know). But if we were running the CoS, we'd be a wee bit nervous about inducting Doherty into the clan; despite having killed more brain cells than Ozzy Osbourne, Pete's not exactly the kind of guy one should entrust with keeping secrets.

In a rumored attempt at brokering the type of fragile, public peace not seen since the Camp David accords 30 years ago, Tom Cruise and Sumner Redstone apparently had lunch together Thursday at the Beverly Hills Hotel's Polo Lounge. Or so report spies for The Wall Street Journal and Page Six, alluding to the star's blockbuster drought since leaving Paramount. We didn't believe it at first, but when you think about it, wouldn't those soon-to-be-vacated DreamWorks offices at the 'Mount make a decent home for Cruise's fledgling United Artists revival?

· Yesterday, we promised you a brainmeltingly awesome new thing, and dare we say, you got it. We only wished the entire episode could have existed inside the cat-pee-induced, hallucinatory world of Heavy South Metal Park [South Park]
· HuffPo's Allison Hope Weiner, who's dutifully provided us with every juicy tidbit to emerge from the Pellicano trial thusfar, may be subpoenaed by the defense. That could transform her into the Hollywood Wiretapping Trial of the Century's own Judith Miller, Patron Saint of Source Protection. [THR ESQ.]
· Will Paul Giamatti's next role as a U.S politician require him to wipe his ass with the historical document John Adams helped create? [Vulture]
· As Kate Bosworth giggled with Paul Shaffer, UTA wept. [DHD]
· If you live in the Hills, a blog called The Daily Coyote isn't something you'd likely need or want. For everyone else: Look! Coyotes! Daily! [The Daily Coyote]

Lindsay Lohan will return to the feel-good realm of cold-blooded murderers she's already explored in such previous cinematic outings as Chapter 27, I Know Who Killed Me, and Confessions of a Teenage Homicidal Maniac, as E! News is reporting the actress has signed on to play Manson Family member Nancy Pitman in Manson Girls. So invested is the actress in getting the details just right, expect to see her on red carpets and at area hot spots in the coming weeks sporting styles from the period, with the word "PIG" smeared across her forehead in what we hope will only be pig's blood. [E Online]

Judy Greer has been orbiting around stardom for the better part of the last 10 years. And although she's had a couple of delicious supporting turns over the years (13 Going On 30, Adaptation, Jawbreaker), she's never quite broken through into the leading lady category ... until now. Ashton Kutcher picked her to be the lead of his new ABC comedy, Miss Guided, and now the lovely and talented Miss Greer is getting her first taste of hitting the promotional circuit as a star. And guess what? She's eating it up. She was as giddy as a school girl during her appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman last night, but also managed to rein in her emotions enough to tell Dave a funny story about how she's still forced to endure some of the humilities that the Hollywood machine puts second fiddles through.

This may shock many of you, but we've been hearing rumors for years that giving girls a few drinks can make them feel more romantically adventurous. And, according to People, this very rumor was put into action when 21 star Kate Bosworth shot her love scenes with co-star Jim Sturgess. As she recently admitted at a New York screening, "We were both so drunk...Jim and I became such good friends, we decided to have a couple of drinks, loosen up and go for it." Which got us thinking: seeing as how Kate's been required to do the whole sex scene thing with quite a few actors over they years, what other combination of sedatives, drugs and drinks must she have had to pop and sip in order to get down and dirty with the likes of James Van Der Beek and (gulp) Kevin Spacey?

Hollywood's highest-paid scab Jay Leno's recent solicitation of Ryan Phillippe's "gayest look" for his cameras, part of a longer, excruciatingly unfunny and offensive bit about the actor's role as TV's first gay teen on One Life To Live, has now spawned a website, called My Gayest Look For Jay Leno: It invites people to send in their gayest looks, which seem to involve a great deal of creative bird-flipping. The site was co-created by Avenue Q playwright Jeff Whitty, who previously penned an open letter beseeching The Tonight Show host to stop making homophobic jokes in his monologues. Leno apparently called him up for a half-hour talk about Whitty's concerns, but has since returned to his egregious ways. We fear it's time to call in Ross the Intern to mediate what is quickly growing into an ugly and contentious affair between Jay and the Gays.

· A screening of Here Is What Is w/ Daniel Lanois and Brian Blade at the Vista Theater chronicles music producer Lanois' collaborations with U2, Brian Eno and Brian Blade through concert footage, interviews, and behind-the-scenes glimpses. Note: Blade performs live with Lanois after each screening.
· The Datsuns at Spaceland, another opportunity to see the Tokyo Police Club at the Troubadour, Pennywise celebrates a CD release at the Key Club.
· Radio personality Dayna Steele presents and signs Rock to the Top - "a collection of lessons about the importance of passion, confidence, organization, networking, knowledge, the need for appreciation and the power of a brand" - at Book Soup.
· This little known formula comes from comedienne Beth Littleford: Bad Sex + Time = Comedy. This formula provides the basis for tonight's show at the UCB Theater called Worst Laid Plans.

Little Miss Sunshine herself, Abigail Breslin, made a pledge in a ceremony yesterday afternoon that she will not become another Lindsay Lohan, nor will she write and perform weird poems like Leelee Sobieski. She also explained that she would avoid getting Gary Busey-esque caps on her teeth like Hannah Montana, and that she would do her best to avoid becoming whatever Tatum O'Neal became. Breslin then promised that she'd at least try to make the successful transition from child actor to adulthood like Jodie Foster, but was overheard admitting to close friends afterwards that there's a good chance that she could become the next Kristy McNichol.

Sometimes, two seemingly mismatched things from disparate backgrounds and decades can come together in unlikely harmony. Just tap Catherine Zeta-Jones on the shoulder the next time you spot her sucking face with Michael Douglas and ask her. Or, alternately, you can watch the video above:

Is Ali Lohan's new look just a matter of spiffing up her hair and makeup for the Living Lohan camera crew, or could she be the latest victim of Ashlee Simpson Syndrome? As you'll recall, Ashlee wasn't able to escape the shadow of her big sister until she went under the knife, and now it appears that lil' Lohan might be following her lead. Some recent shots of her out and about on the red carpet show a nearly unrecognizable version of her former clean-faced, mousy-haired, age-appropriate self. After the jump, we took a look at a few before and after shots to try and figure out if Ali's new hotness is the result of a knife or if she just found herself one hell of a hairdresser.

Our day just wouldn't feel complete without an update from the spittle-streaked slapfight surrounding Fanboys, the geek-world equivalent of a cuddly endangered panda being shepherded to its unwitting demise through the dark reaches of Harvey's Ye Olde Butchery and Movie Co. The pimpled purists still plan to boycott Friday's release of Superhero Movie if the Weinstein Company doesn't promise to leave Fanboys' critical cancer subplot intact, but a series of e-mail dialogues published Wednesday on /film indicates that Harvey's designated re-shooter, Steven Brill, has a thin skin that itches like crazy:

When it comes to celebrity endorsements, Harrison Ford isn't exactly known for splashing his chiseled face across billboards shilling for shower gels and cell phones (Japanese beer, as you'll see after the jump, is whole 'nother story). But according to Mediabistro, Ford recently agreed to partner with powerhouse advertising agency BBDO to develop a series of environmentally angled ads. And, apparently, Ford's developed a case of the Nortons:

Defamer hears that Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek today accepted Turner Classic Movies' offer to "guest program" a small slate of films airing April 14. The budding hyphenate — whose fledgling shingle comprises titles like Wuthering Heights, Lonely are the Brave, The Professionals and Little Big Man — fills the gap left behind by March programmer Evander Holyfield. Neither Trebek not TCM host Robert Osborne was available for comment, although a Turner source confirmed today that Trebek's deal requires Osborne to phrase his share of their discussion in the form of a question. What's next, Pat Sajak developing an original drama for Showtime? Or, perhaps, Chuck Woolery closing a four-picture deal (with final-cut privileges, natch) for The Weinstein Co? [TCM]

After billing The Moment of Truth as a brilliant Frankenshow combining the most intriguing aspects of F. Lee Bailey's Lie Detector, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and Cheaters, the culmination of a life's work for Fox's President of Apocalypse-Expediting Alternative Entertainments Mike Darnell failed to really deliver on its life-destroying promise. Not even a desperate casting stunt that replaced the show's evil robot voice with a string of celebrity she-bots (Small Wonder, Rosie from The Jetsons, Richie Rich's Irona) managed to really hook viewers.

Instead of gawking at Kristen Bell and talking about how you and your kids loved her on Heroes, why not help her out? It's neither too forward nor too rude to speak up and say, "Hey, let me hold that ticket for you." Then again, maybe Kristen Bell has too much pride to take a helping hand.

· Most Powerful Tween on the Planet Miley Cyrus manages to finagle her way out her billion-year Disney contract for one magical evening, headlining their blood rival Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards. Still, she must return to Cinderella's Castle* in Anaheim by midnight, or her career will be turned into "a fucking Debbie Gibson state-fair-touring pumpkin, mark my words," said her fairy Bob Iger-mother. [Variety]
· Tobey Maguire is attached to produce Afterburn, an adaptation of a futuristic comic about treasure hunters who venture into the half of the planet scorched by a solar flare to retrieve valuable surviving artifacts, like the Venus de Milo and Cher. [Variety]
· After the story about the kid who lived at his parents' house who sold his first script to Ridley Scott for $650,000 vs. $1.1 million with Leo D. attached to star, we thought God had doled out all the screenwriter miracles for the month. Wrong! "A Staten Island tollbooth worker in desperate need of a car wrote a crime thriller spec titled Brooklyn's Finest last year. Now he finds himself rubbing shoulders with some of Hollywood's finest, including Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, Ethan Hawke and Antoine Fuqua." Why do we get a feeling the next time our mom calls us at work, it'll be to tell us she just sold her first spec to Sony "for mid-sixes?" [THR]

Occasionally, when the planets align just so and the sun strikes the Earth at the exact right location, we witness that rarest of phenomena known as Disney Ads on Smut Sites. Or at least that's what gutter-minded rabblerouser Drunken Stepfather calls it, having caught as many as six different instances of Walt Disney World Web ads aligned beside Egotastic's recent coverage of sex tapes, flashings and other NSFW (and definitely NSFDW) mini-scandals.

It's been nearly six months since CompletelyImmaterialGate rocked the industry, and no amount of conciliatory gestures has yet managed to heal the wounds inflicted by Viacom CEO Phillippe Dauman's callous verbal flip-off of national directing treasure Steven Spielberg. With the expiration date on the frequently uncomfortable arranged marriage between Viacom-owned Paramount and DreamWorks nearing, the NY Times takes a hard look at the pretzled logistics of what becomes two powerhouse studios going their separate ways:

The first New Line refugee has officially landed at MGM, where new president Mary Parent hired ex-NL development exec Cale Boyter to help iron out the resurgent studio's forthcoming production slate. The move signaled the latest hint that MGM chief operating officer Rick Sands — whose short-lived emphasis on library outsourcing and new media development was made essentially irrelevant by Parent's own recruitment two weeks ago — is himself looking for a new gig.