The Hollywood Reporter calls it "one of the biggest agent migrations in years." Nikki Finke screamed "Shocker!" We'll wait until the dust settles before determining exactly how to characterize the moves of UTA talent kingpin and co-owner Nick Stevens and partners Sharon Sheinwold and Lisa Hallerman over to Endeavor, a relocation that has already cost UTA its relationship with Stevens' client Ben Stiller, looks ready to claim Jack Black and could continue to draw a sizable chunk of UTA's deep comedy base — including Judd Apatow, Owen Wilson, Jason Lee and half the cast of Saturday Night Live — in the days and weeks to come.

Charlton Heston, whose turns in epics including The Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur reset the leading-man standard in Hollywood and who later won all of our hearts as the president of the National Rifle Association, died Saturday in Beverly Hills. He was 83. A family spokesman declined to specify a cause of death, but Heston had been suffering from "symptoms similar to those of Alzheimer's disease" since 2002.

What did we learn about our favorite celebrities this week? Glad you asked!
· Katie Holmes: She got sheared (next up, tannis root?) and, when it comes to meals, she's half a person.
· George Clooney: He's a late night charmer (possibly in more ways than one) but fussy when it comes to being credited.
· Jessica Simpson: She was hospitalized for having too much sex (allegedly).
· David Letterman: Doesn't mind giving audiences his sloppy seconds.
· Harvey Levin: Was an idealistic young rabble rouser and a foul-mouthed C-Word dropper.
· Dan Waters: He proved the old maxim that writers are best heard and not seen.
· Lara Flynn Boyle: Her jowls are melting (and not in a good way).
· Jennifer Aniston: She taught us that the best way to assure that your roles don't begin drying up is to form your own production company. Also, is possibly schtupping Orlando Bloom.
· Diablo Cody: Isn't just a screenwriter, she's also a songwriter!
· Ben Stiller: Is vain enough to dye his hair.
· Brangelina: Had difficulty containing the hostilities between their multicultural brood.
· The Real World Cast: They're all older but by no means wiser.
· Katherine Heigl: Wants a baby whether or not her "rocker" hubby Joshua is ready, thinks gay men want her. Also, not opposed to wearing hideous jackets in public.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you catch John Krasinski cutting ahead of you in line at the airport.

FRIDAY
· Adam Carolla will be hosting what is sure to be an uproarious Q+A after the 7:30 screening of his film The Hammer at the Regency Fairfax 3. The Hammer is definitely worth checking out, as our own guest-blogger Nick Malis says it's one of the best sports comedies of the decade.
· King Britt at the Getty, The Watson Twins at the Natural History Museum, Les Claypool at the Wiltern.
· The G2 Gallery hosts an opening reception for Tom Mangelsen's wildlife photos.

Looking for a quick snack that won't spoil your dinner? Might we suggest tearing into a Dirt Sandwich? Make sure to grab yourself a placemat and a handful of napkins, for this week's double decker supreme is stacked to the ceiling with this week's messiest infotainment offerings. Compiled with care by Defamer's resident culinary expert, Molly McAleer, we think you'll find this to be the tastiest sammy you've noshed on all week. Join us as we find out how Amy Winehouse's face looks these days (answer: better than Harvey Levin thinks), what a teary Hayden Panettiere did immediately after receiving an award for Saving The Whales (or some such nonsense) and what Harrison Ford thinks of being slimed. Pay close attention, lest you miss the revelation of whether or not Dancing With The Stars' Priscilla Presley spray tans or not ... a special CoJo investigate report! Enjoy, kids, enjoy!

It took long enough, but the release date of Scarlett Johansson's highly anticipated debut album is near. The LP, titled Anywhere I Lay My Head, features album cover art of Scarlett looking like an introspective earth mother and showcases her trademark fiery red lips and oft-victimized bosom. And what are we to expect from the music itself? As People reports, her long-awaited covers of famous Tom Waits tunes will include vocals from David Bowie and one original track by Scarlett herself, which sounds like it could be promising. But we took a look back at some of her past performances to get a better sense of what Scarlett's presumably sexy vocals sound like, and aren't entirely convinced Grammys lie in her future.

Sometimes a celebrity marriage rumor comes along that you simply can't ignore. Photo agencies bombard you with visual proof, New York State court legislation is involved, and the very fact that the starry couple in question seems destined to stay together begin to haunt you throughout the day until you just can't stay quiet anymore. Today's are-they-or-aren't-they couple, of course, is Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z. Rumors surfaced on Tuesday that the pair had filed for a marriage license upstate, and construction on the rapper's rooftop coupled with reports that floral arrangements and standard wedding gear chandeliers had been shipped to his penthouse are beginning to convince us that the longtime couple is finally tying the knot. We sort through all the fishy and not-so-fishy details after the jump, and leave it to you to tell us whether or not we should "bite the hook," as Bobby Brown would say.

Last night's Office rerun brought a tear to our eye, and not because of the hilarious antics of that wacky Dwight Schrute. In case you missed it, at the end of the episode they showed an incredibly sweet video of a 15-year-old boy playing The Office theme on his piano, followed by an "In Memoriam" note. That boy was Nathan Alden Robinson, who died last month of complications from the flu.

Mere days after the news of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure 3 flared a fresh ulcer in our cultural digestive tract, news over the wire says Bob Weinstein is planning his own Apocalypse Pre-Game Show with a remake of the 1986 hit Short Circuit. The original featured Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy in top form as the annoying flesh-and-blood foils of a stupid fucking wise-cracking government robot named Johnny Five, who gets struck by goddamned lightning and finds Gadget Jesus or some bullshit that changes his whole global perspective to pro-peace/disarmament/"fuck you Ronald Reagan." But wait — it gets worse.

Renee Zellweger may have brought the va va voom factor to Letterman last night in her body-hugging red Old Hollywood dress, but one of her talking points was far from glamorous. While chatting with Dave about shooting Chilled In Miami in temperatures she claimed reached 57 below, Renee delves deep into the physical effects that kind of weather can have on the body, particularly the ways in which bodily fluids react to icy weather. And those effects do not look pretty in close-ups. But thanks to her sugary Southern accent and last-minute decision to impersonate her own snot for Dave, we're ready to forgive her for all that twitchy Hitchcock-inspired emoting she slaughtered us with last month. [CBS]

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and Kate Bosworth's party guests learned that the hard way over the weekend. At a little soirée to celebrate the success of her new crapfest movie 21, Bosworth's dog bit co-star Aaron Yoo square in the face!

Nicolas Cage's long, excruciating nightmare on the International Chihuahua-Thief Blacklist ended today in a British court, where his solicitor acknowledged a settlement between the Oscar-winner and rumor-slinging memoirist Kathleen Turner. The actress wrote of several newly disproven Cage exploits in her recent book Send Yourself Roses, including being "arrested twice for drunk-driving" and renting-to-own a Chihuahua on the set of Peggy Sue Got Married. Cage took his beef to court after the Daily Mail published the offending excerpt. Sadly, we've learned that the resolution will deprive us of some of our favorite apocrypha of contemporary literature:

Poor Frank Darabont. The much-loved(ish) writer/director of The Shawshank Redemption has had a rough few days. First, in a stroke of George Clooney-esqe fate, he found that he would not be getting screenplay credit on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. As he says, "I know there are some common elements to what I gave Steven [Spielberg] and what was eventually shot, but I guess not enough to warrant credit. It's clearly a disappointment, especially after Steven loved my script." Notice that Darabont goes out of his way to not mention George Lucas. Apparently there's some tension between the two. When asked if he'd ever work with Lucas again, Darabont coldly replied:

At the premiere for the upcoming film, Street Kings, Keanu Reeves and his powerful phermones caused a woman to pass out from her heightened state of excitement. The unidentified woman told near by fans that she couldn't believe she was able to get so close to the Bill & Ted star, let alone have him say something to her. She thought at the most she was going to see the top of his head, but the woman instead was able to say "Hey" before passing out cold.

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The always-surprising, always-annoying David Blaine plans on staying awake for 13 days for his next "stunt," and Keith Richards has some anecdotal advice for him. As Richards' latest bout of playing Dr. Phil proves, Blaine's newest idea isn't so original; Keef already decided to see what would happen by forcing himself not to sleep for 9 consecutive days back in the '70s. As Richards told the SF Gate, "On the ninth day...I fell asleep and crashed headfirst into a JVC speaker, smashing my nose apart. I just lay there and let it bleed. It was a chemical thing." While we're sure these rocker words of wisdom won't deter Blaine's masterful and magical plans, we do suggest he avoids snorting ashes and takes Keith's advice to nose-proof whatever fish tank he envisions pulling this off inside of. [SF Gate]

Click to viewOur poor, blog-addled attention spans are often too fried to catch TV hosts recycling other people's material, let alone their own. But a quick-witted tipster pointed out how David Letterman made it easy over the last two nights, setting a remarkable new joke-recycling standard almost too good to be true. Which is to say: This can't possibly have happened on a major late-night talk show, could it? It's not as though they're verbatim plagiarizations — at least the one-word punchlines to his identical Eliot Spitzer gags were changed — but with an overlap of about 90 percent and a facial-expression redundancy rate near 100, we're wondering who Letterman's rehashed joke is actually on. Moreover, with rain today in New York, will it "feel like spring" yet again tonight? [CBS, video by Molly McAleer]

Remember yesterday when we posted about how incorrigibly charming George Clooney is? Well, according to Variety, the WGA might not agree. After an arbitration hearing where the Guild failed to give Clooney a writing credit for Leatherheads, he decided to become a Financial Core member. That means he can't vote, run for office, or attend meetings, yet he still has to pay dues. But as Hollywood's most rakish bachelor explains,

The salacious details of Chris Rock's model-smearing exploits with Anthony Pellicano were front-and-center at the disgraced PI's wiretapping trial this morning, when the comic took the stand for less than an hour. It was barely the most appealing Pellicano morsel in Variety today, in fact, with arguably the year's greatest headline — Weiner Gets Served in Pellicano Case — announcing the Huffington Post reporter Allison Hope Weiner's temporary restraining order yesterday outside the courtroom.