Style.com wants to tell you who the cool kids are. They've compiled a field guide to "2008's Coolest Cliques" using the following six dubious categories: The New (New) Bohemian, The European Union, The Swans 2.0, The Catwalk Queens and The New Kids on the Blog. Julia Allison is mentioned three times! The whole thing is rather irritatingly in ad-maximizing slideshow form and the commentary is anodyne, so here's a condensed and snarkier version. Buckle in, kids. We'll get through this together.

Apparently Lindsay Lohan had such a great time stripping down and showcasing her talents in the pages of New York Magazine that she's overly eager to display the full monty in her next role. Set to play a sex-addicted waitress in the upcoming Florence, Lohan allegedly wanted to turn a topless scene into an opportunity to disprove all the Firecrotch rumors for good. Unfortunately for Lindsay and the rest of the world, producers "nixed that idea." Adding insult to injury, the freshly rehabbed star is reportedly only making $75,000 to take her clothes off prove her acting chops in this role. So why did Lohan decide to take this part at all? As a source tells Star:

The breathtaking display of vindictive fanboy rage populist aesthetic taste that is the Stop Uwe Boll Petition has more than doubled its support since we last viewed it, edging the reviled German filmmaker within a mere 860,000 signatures of his million-hater promise to never direct again. While we're optimistic that democracy can take the day by, like, 2012, we're equally devastated by Boll's aggrieved video rebuke/promotional vehicle that appeared online Tuesday:

Finally, a good reason to shell out for tickets to a Broadway show: People reports this morning that Daniel Radcliffe and his treasure trail are set to make their stateside debut when Equus arrives in New York this September. Unlike all those rumors claiming tabloid favorites like Kevin Federline and Nicole Richie were ready to high-kick and lip sync their way through musicals, Radcliffe's smash hit in London was a far cry from stunt casting. But Harry Potter sounds a bit more nervous than he is excited:

We've been meta-ed to within an inch of our lives this morning by news that upstart producer Tobey Maguire and resurgent Warner Independent Pictures have optioned rights to Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, Lori Gottlieb's controversial article from last month's Atlantic Monthly. A 40-year-old single mother's admonition to take whatever you can get on the romance front (soon to be a book, natch, which won't likely please our sisters-in-blog over at Jezebel), the story vaguely reminds us of a certain actor's escalation to marquee status — a milquetoast, smoldering dork opposite A-listers like Kirsten Dunst, Charlize Theron and Cate Blanchett. Any guesses?

An overexcited Perez Hilton fan released a banshee-like shriek that could reportedly be heard all the way in Pacoima after his first major celebrity sighting, Lindsay Lohan. The time that he saw Danny Masterson outside of a Johnny Rocket's didn't count. The man quickly called his friend and asked him if he could e-mail Perez the news of his latest sighting; much to his dismay, the man had very little dish to dish on Lohan other than the fact she wasn't her tights and was with Samantha Ronson. The man quietly realized that it wasn't much of a celebrity sighting after all.

Of course we always enjoy seeing celebrities abandon their red carpet personas and let loose, but when they start emerging from nightclubs barely standing and sporting lipstick marks on their collarbone, we start to worry. After obediently posing for pictures at last night's premiere of Leatherheads in London, Renee Zellweger dove bob first into the party scene alongside a better-behaved George Clooney. And, as these pictures show, Zellweger may have downed one too many pricey cocktails across the pond.

I don't quite know where to begin. Last night's penultimate episode of Real Housewives of New York City was at turns so vile, appalling, oddly likable, and deeply hilarious that I'm again tempted to just post the whole damn episode without comment. This grand opera of vanity and inanity needs very little introduction or analysis. It simply is. But! That's not what I get paid for, so here goes. Maybe it's best to do this by character, as each had their own little arc.

Landing somewhere between her "slutty college journalist" from Scoop and her "miscast blond enabler" from The Black Dahlia, photos of Scarlett Johansson's "sexy nurse" get-up in The Spirit leaked online late Tuesday to a bit of mixed industry reaction. Featuring Johansson as femme fatale Silken Floss, the shots appear culled from a wardrobe/hair/make-up test for Frank Miller's upcoming adaptation of the classic comic; as such, distributor Lionsgate (and its lawyers) are up in arms while the rest of us worry about the long-term setbacks to sexy nurses everywhere.

The Hollywood Reporter posted the first scene of the widely-leaked script to Oliver Stone's George W. Bush biopic, W, which is about to start filming. Reading it, it's easy to see why some historians are calling the film an inaccurate caricature. It's hard to imagine even Bush, not to mention Dick Cheney, seeming like as much of a strutting fraternity brother as he does at the end of this White House scene:

· First there was Ninja Warrior. Then came Unbeatable Banzuke. Now, we are holding our collective breath in hopes that the G4 Network brings Screaming Japanese Man to these fine shores. Until then, this will have to do. [YouTube]
· Hey you guys, do you like popular culture? How about the internet? If you answered "Yes" to both of these questions, we'd like to wholeheartedly recommend that you pay Videogum a visit. Co-written by longtime friends of Defamer Gabe Delahaye and Lindsay "Lindsayism" Robertson, we think it will make for a nice addition to your daily routine. Give it a whirl, wontcha? [Videogum]
· For those of you who enjoy both chocolate products and cannibalism equally (and frankly, who doesn't?), we're fairly certain you're gonna get a kick out of this: Newborns made of chocolate! [Pravda]
· We like Tay Zonday and "Chocolate Rain" quite plenty, but we would never get him tattoed on our arms. Nope, his face deserves Tramp Stamp placement all the way. [Blogger]
· And lastly, while we're not generally the type to toot our own horn, it's worth noting that the impossibly shiny-haired Olivia Munn gave us a shout-out on Attack Of The Show last night. The video clip appears, as things often do here, after the jump.

Every girl wants to look like Paris Hilton. Well, probably not, but she certainly thinks they do. The - what are we calling her these days? Actress? Singer? Socialite? - is now also the "designer" of her own hideous line of shoes. With names like "Fierce" and "Hamptons," the shoes are just another step in Hilton's devious master plan to turn women everywhere into her. This comes not long after Paris launched her own line of hair extensions, DreamCatcher. It remains unclear who told the heiress that her own fake hair looked good, let alone encouraged her to sell a cheaper version to the public. As Tina Fey said of Hilton's week at the SNL studio back in 2006, "You would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle." Certainly a ringing endorsement for her line!

Anyone who saw his appearance on Ellen today knows that Thomas Haden Church is a real laugh riot. Just ask Thomas Haden Church. His favorite joke? Showing his dick to people. After flashing his junk on the set of Sideways — not exactly the indie version of Porky's — the numbnuts mechanic from Wings decided the best way to keep his second chance at success going was to flash another cast and crew. On the set of his new film Smart People (which, judging from the preview, looks too dumb for smart people and too boring for dumb people) Church once again showed off his junk. "Dennis and the cameraman enjoyed that... Dennis whirled in disgust and left the set." Perhaps it is the belief that a successful joke clears the room which makes Church leave his "sticky fruits flopping around" all the time. Or maybe a better explanation can be found in the actor's own initials, THC. We're just saying... [Contact Music]

· Legendary comedienne Paula Poundstone and less legendary comedian Bobby Collins aim to make people laugh tonight in order to benefit McKinley School at Shutters on the Beach. For the low low price of $40 you get access to the after-party with dinner buffet and live music, which includes your chance to chat up both Paula and Bobby (if you are into that sort of thing).
· As part of the The Egyptian Theatre's 85th Anniversary, they will be screening the The Unsinkable Molly Brown tonight, which stars the spunky and funky Debbie Reynolds. We're pretty sure Carrie Fisher won't be there.
· Shake your hipster groove thang at Living Legends at Amoeba, Rocco DeLuca at Spaceland or The Meemies at the Silverlake Lounge.

Further accelerating his apparent collapse from coveted leading man to salt-and-pepper has-been, revised opening weekend figures for George Clooney's Leatherheads put the screwball gridiron comedy at a lackluster $12.6 million — a full million below Universal's original report and only enough for a third-place finish behind 21 and Nim's Island. While we maintain our original suspicion that no film can withstand a Reel Geezers pan, we don't actually think this portends the catastrophe foretold by more dedicated skeptics. We also appreciate Steven Zeitchik's moral support on Clooney's behalf at his Risky Biz blog: "Clooney hasn't opened a movie in a decade. Apart from the Ocean's pics — which the presence of Damon and Pitt render useless as evidence — no Clooney-anchored movie in recent memory has cracked $13 million in its first weekend of wide release. The Good German? Michael Clayton? Intolerable Cruelty? ... Box office just isn't his thing." Yessir, color us reassured. [Reuters]

Playwright/filmmaker David Mamet warned the press line at the premiere of his latest film Redbelt to refrain from making references to his prior work. Mamet told the studio's publicist to be on the watch for some wise ass from one of those "Extra Inside Access Entertainment" show who always does a horrible rendition of Alec Baldwin's monologue from Glengary Glen Ross. Mamet said that every time I hear the guy, it makes me feel as if I'm in a community college acting class; what did I ever do deserve this degree of a personal hell?

If film critics are in fact a dying breed, we at Defamer would like to urge them to get on with it. It's a little cruel, we know; some of our best friends are critics, and we'll miss them terribly. But if we have to read another motherfucking article like the one Patrick Goldstein wrote today about the Demise of the Print Film Critic, we'll suck it up, go door-to-door and whack every reviewer we know our own selves just to make it stop.

Last night's double dose of The Hills was so jam-packed with Words of Wisdom that Intrepid Defamer Videographer Molly McAleer feels, like, one thousand percent smarter after putting this piece together. And you'll feel similarly after watching, we promise. From Friendship 101 to deep discussions on ancient British proverbs ("It's just water under the bridge. Wait, is 'water under the bridge' an expression, right?"), Lauren, Heidi, Whitney and Methanie Pratt were dishing out more stellar advice than Dr. Phil. And, as usual, one of our favorite gems came from nudie photo scandal subject Audrina, who pretty much summed up everything we're going to learn from our blonde life professors this season: "That's weird how the world works." So. True. [MTV]

It's a story as old as Hollywood itself: An attractive actor who's done everything he can to get himself into the spotlight just can't get the roles he wants. Is it because his acting isn't quite up to par? Of course not... It's because his agent sucks!

Can you believe it's been eight years since Mrs. Frank Gifford "left" her post as co-host of Regis & Kathie Lee? (Yes kids, before there was Kelly, there was Kathie Lee.) It seems like just yesterday that the former pageant queen was smothering us with her cackling chatter and inane stories. But that was yesterday; this is Today.