Oh dear. After weeks spent learning about ancient proverbs and analyzing the relationship between women and fashion, the cast of The Hills has gotten their manicured hands dirty. Moving on from worldly life lessons, the girls dove highlights first into Relationships 101. McCain endorsette Heidi raised a good question last night: "How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?" And her sort-of boyfriend Spencer provided some guidance. As his Adderall eyes flickered and his surfer boy voice reached shrieky heights, he attempted to explain something "everyone on the planet" knows: the difference between "Relationship-acation" and breaking up. But no matter how totally profound Spencer may have appeared, queen bee Lauren drowsily piped in with a brief lesson on boys who are "scum." Enjoy this video, crafted with loving care by Molly McAleer. [MTV]

Cynthia Nixon is living proof that bad things happen to good actresses. Speaking openly for the first time about her 2006 diagnosis with breast cancer on Good Morning America today, the happily outed actress demonstrated exactly how a public figure maintains grace under fire. And even after telling us how one goes about telling their kids they sorta have to undergo an operation, and how to deal with the public's response to her coming out, one of the most intriguing lessons the Sex And The City star shared had to do with which half of a lesbian couple is called "Mom" and which is called "Mommy." Nixon's life lessons, after the jump.

Even though she's only 28 and has already spawned one mini-me, Kate Hudson has baby fever. In an interview with London's Sunday Times, the smiley actress unloaded some very Cameron Diaz-esque baggage, including the fact that she's oh-so-ready to get knocked up as soon as possible. And apparently, Hudson has figured out the elusive secret to determining whether a potential suitor is a "man" or a "boy." But when it comes to dating, Hudson just needs a pretty pair of lips:

Actor/King of Malibu Mel Gibson expressed his dismay with escalating gas prices while filling up in the 'Bu yesterday afternoon. Gibson asked the gentleman at the pump across from him if he knew why the prices are so high and the man blurted out, "Cause Bush is a dick." Gibson shook his head and muttered, "No, that can't be it."

Let's play word association for a moment. When you think of Amy Winehouse, what other fun images come to mind? Needles, empty bottles of gin, trash-strewn apartments, maybe? If you're in a particularly imaginative mood, perhaps stashes of white powder hidden in sweaters? Us too. But among the drug paraphernalia and gravity-defying hairdos we normally associate with the troubled songstress, cute chubby-cheeked babies do not spring into our heads. Putting Amy in the same room as an infant doesn't seem like the wisest of moves, but the Brits like to live dangerously. And as this picture shows, they just don't see any harm in letting the music industry's most notorious addict down shots while singing drunken lullabies to their newborns.

Some days we're so full of love for Harvey Weinstein that our weak, arrhythmic blogger hearts nearly explode. It was one thing last week when he brazenly moved Project Runway to Lifetime, pulling the rug out from a supposedly unwitting NBC. It was another thing entirely on Monday when Harvey rolled the rug up and started whacking NBC boss Jeff Zucker over the head with it:

Katherine Heigl struck a gangster lean as she lit up another cigarette on the set of her new movie. Despite numerous tearful outbursts from her emasculated rocker hubby Joshua Kelley and the support of her Grey's co star TR Knight, she has not been able to kick the filthy habit. As Heigl reached for the nearest pack of American Spirits, she explained to an extra that if TR couldn't get her to quit, then what's the point?

The heavily-reported decline of the American movie critic hasn't touched New York Times first-stringer A.O. Scott, who has gradually outgrown and stabilized our wildly fluctuating regard for him over the years. After a long period of wondering where he might have found all this new maturity and gravitas, a perceptive Scott reader points out today that like Pauline Kael, Andrew Sarris, James Agee and all the greats who preceded him, he simply stole from his kids:

A story in Sunday's LAT did the unthinkable by finally pointing out the big Botoxed elephant in the room: no matter how painfully obvious it is to viewers, many stars who get nipped and tucked insist on denying it. But as the Times argues, just how many episodes of this season's Dancing With The Stars or Desperate Housewives can we sit through before drawing our own conclusions? Have you seen Priscilla Presley lately? And if celebrities are going so far as to undergo actual "head transplants," when will they finally start fessing up? We took a look at a few of the stars in question, such as Teri Hatcher and Carrie Fisher, to innocently throw some visual evidence into the mix.

As we learned last week, Brat Pack alum Rob Lowe's method of dealing with a pesky sexual harrassment charge made by his nanny includes letting the world know just how angry he is via blog. And coining our favorite new entry into the celebrity lexicon by calling the nanny's claims "false terribles." But as we saw on the Today Show this morning, nanny Jessica Gibson isn't letting catchy phrases stop her from standing by her accusations. And she's got one heck of a pit bull for an attorney to say that for her. Though Gibson could barely get a word in this morning, People reveals the lascivious nature of what exactly qualifies as a false terrible. The gory details and video of her interview, after the jump.

You've seen the stress tests on the street; the Church of Scientology gives people "e-meter" tests to show that their personalities are broken and can only be fixed by the Church. But a 20-year-old daughter of a Norwegian Parliament member killed herself after getting a bad score on the Church's personality test, says tabloid Verdens Gang (English translation here). The story's iffy — the main evidence seems to be a copy of the test results, which Kaja Bordevich Ballo's family found in her apartment. The results are dated hours before she died; the Church "has rooms just a few meters from the place where Kaja lived." But it was enough for Norway's leading paper to run on the front page, now that Tom Cruise has made Scientology news so popular.

Woman In Hat: So, are you going to read that book the whole time?
Adrian Grenier: Yeah-uh.
W.I.H.: Then why did you invite me out to lunch if you just wanted to read your book?
AG: So, I won't look like this generation's Howard Hughes for once.
W.I.H.: I think we already know that.
AG: I know that we know that, but they don't know that.
W.I.H.: What? That you piss into jars and take dumps in a big hole in your backyard?
AG: Got to be green by any means necessary.

Just last year, the magic of MySpace brought us news that Lindsay Lohan wanted to marry lesbian wingwoman Sam Ronson and have her children. And what better way to begin that fairy tale than by shacking up together? Sources tell the NY Post that Ronson is so dedicated to making sure Lindsay stays clean, that she's taken to spending every night at the underpaid flesh-baring actress' LA abode. But this isn't the first time a ladies-loving girlfriend has checked in for a long-term stay at Casa Lohan, and as you'll learn, that arrangement didn't exactly lead to a sober future.

The story of former Page Six scribe Jared Paul Stern and creepy supermarket billionaire/attempted modelizer Ron Burkle is being ripped from the headlines of two years ago for an upcoming episode of Law & Order. Daily News gossiper Ben Widdicombe reports that The Daily Show's Mo Rocca will play Stern. In real life, Burkle (who secretly owns Radar magazine and is a constant embarrassment to his bestest bud Bill Clinton) never did back up his claim that Stern had extorted him for $100 grand in exchange for powder-puff coverage, ended up the subject of even more bad press, and is now a defendant in a defamation suit brought by Stern that may well add to his humiliations. On TV, Stern will be dispatched with extreme prejudice.

If Robert De Niro's appearance at last night's Meryl Streep tribute in New York is any indication, all those haters who ridiculed the actor's agency switch last week might have another thing coming. To wit: De Niro killed. In a cruise-ship comic kind of way, perhaps, and filing through a fistful of index-carded one-liners, but still. This guy may yet pull down $20 million a picture if his timing keeps up, and he wasted no time soliciting his former co-star Streep to join him — if only someone at CAA would return his calls. Zing! Catch our exclusive video and a few more outtakes from De Niro's repertoire after the jump.

Out of consideration for another boring-ass, unkillable civic ritual, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will push back its 2008 Oscar nomination announcement to Jan. 22, 2009 — two days after the presidential inauguration in Washington, D.C. The quadrennial event apparently has a century-and-a-half of media seniority over the Oscars, thus giving the Academy little choice but to bump its usual Tuesday press conference to Thursday. But wait — it gets worse.

FROM EMBRACEYOURGRACE.COM: As bloggers, we try to avoid face-to-face contact with our co-workers as much as possible, but what about you? Head on over to confess your filth and see just how guilty the rest of the workforce is.

· Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer watches a LOT of TV during the course of her day. Unfortunately, she sees a lot of funny moments that, for one reason or another, we don't get around to covering. She found herself with a few spare minutes this weekend and cut together this outtake reel of hilarious moments that we didn't manage to feature last week (save for KTLA's Jessica Holmes; her act is worth a second look). With that intro, please enjoy this feature that we haven't quite gotten around to naming yet. Enjoy and, if you have any suggestions for what we should call this, leave your suggestions in the comments! [Molls She Wrote]
· Proving that that they aren't going to let a little thing like a self-imposed "family hour" get in the way of making a buck (particularly after GE's atrocious first quarter earnings), it's NBC's officially licensed "MILF Island" t-shirt. [NBC.com]
· Nobody has more fun than Miley Cyrus. Nobody. [YouTube]
· Noted political heavyweight Brody Jenner has just released his official presidential endorsement. The resident beefcake of The Hills is voting for ... wait for it ... Obama! If you're wondering why, the answer is simple: "He's just cool!" Word. [Us Magazine]
· And just when you thought things were going bad for the State of California comes this news: California in for a devastating quake within 30 years. [SF Gate]

If you're wondering why you're not seeing as much of popular SNL featured players like Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader and Andy Samberg these days, there's one simple reason why: Kristen Wiig. Since she made her debut on the show back in late 2005, Wiig has quickly established herself as one of the most gifted and versatile performers to ever grace the stage at Studio 8H, not to mention one of the funniest. In this short time, she's quickly become Lorne Michaels' MVP of the show, often appearing in 4-5 sketches per episode. While it's debatable as to whether or not she'll ever reach breakout superstar status of SNL alums like Bill Murray, Eddie Murphy or Mike Myers, she is, for our money, the single most talented sketch comedian the show has seen since fellow Groundlings alum Will Ferrell retired. After the jump, we feature two sketches that she knocked out of the park this weekend. The first features a spot-on impression of Jamie Lee Curtis filming a commercial for Activia yogurt; the latter, a virtuoso turn as a haggard and worn down travel writer named Judy Grimes who, for the life of her, can't stop kidding around.

Hayden Christensen attempted to use "The Force" to make sure his American Airlines flight was not cancelled this weekend. Unfortunately for Hayden, each time the airline employee checked on the status of the flight, it still showed up as being cancelled. Christian explained to the woman that he had booked the flight roughly three months ago. To which the woman simply shrugged her shoulders and said, "Maybe you shouldn't have made that Attack of the Clones movie and ruined Star Wars." Then she yelled for the next passenger in line.