Welcome to Ellen Page Dump-and-Run Week, when even today's news that America's ambiguously-persuasioned sweetheart is attached to star in yet another adaptation of Jane Eyre is slightly overshadowed by the two "new" Page releases you may not have known to look for. Like An American Crime? You know this one? No? Page stars as Sylvia Likens, the Indianapolis teen who was beaten, tortured and murdered by her caretaker (played by Catherine Keener) in one of the most notorious homicides in American history. We saw it at the Sundance Film Festival in 2007, when someone reportedly passed out at the premiere — probably the producer who realized his high-caliber drama (starring two Oscar nominees!) was headed straight to Showtime oblivion this Saturday at 10 p.m. We feel him, but that's not the half of it.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

A torrent of emotion flooded Harpo studios today: Raw! Real! Emotion! as Barbara Walters laid herself open for all to see on The Oprah Winfrey Show. Oprah, having gotten the distinct whiff of platelet-deficient blood, went directly in for the kill, insisting the 78-year-old sexual diarist divulge all the backstabbing goings-on at The View during the tumultuous period beginning with Star Jones's expulsion via medieval catapult, through to Rosie O'Donnell's Infamous Reign of Bipolar Terror. Walters goes on to paint a fascinating psychological portrait of the latter, who, robbed at a young age of her own mother, was cursed to a never-ending, Jungian search for her replacement. Anything could have set this emotional house of cards tumbling; in this case, it ended up being Donald Trump's "fat ugly face" material and Elisabeth Hasselbeck's unflappable patriotism that eventually snuffed the illusion that, all these years later, Rosie had found home. [Oprah.com]

Guardian reporter Sean Michaels has discovered a sort of epistolary parallel universe in which A Clockwork Orange is a late-'60s time capsule from hell: A recently unearthed letter from the period propositioned director John Schlesinger — presumably between his Oscar-winning films Darling and Midnight Cowboy — to helm the film with Mick Jagger in the lead. It gets better: The Beatles were reportedly interested in contributing songs. Alas, Schlesinger evidently had a problem with novelist Anthony Burgess's infamous ultraviolence; "the film's extreme delinquency wasn't 'the sort of subject I particularly want to tackle,' " the director told executive producer Si Litvinoff, thus opening the door for Stanley Kubrick's dystopic 1971 masterwork starring Malcolm McDowell. Michaels spends a few minutes fancying the alternate Jagger/Beatles version, but really, we'd rather not imagine this at all unless... no. Just no. Sorry we even brought it up. No. [The Guardian]

· Dat Phan, who you may or may not recall as the Season 1 winner of Last Comic Standing, will be performing his stand-up set at The Improv tonight.
· AFI's Music Documentary Series is nearing the end of its six week run at the ArcLight tonight. We'd love to tell you what they're showing, but alas, the ArcLight's website contains no info. Anyway, what would life be if we never took any chances?
· And if it's music that you're looking for (or, as Molly McAleer describes, a night out with your "homies" and a few "brewskis"), might we suggest checking out The Heavy at Cinespace?

Attention peace-loving residents of Franklin Village! Do you enjoy the speed and convenience with which you park your vehicles along nearby Canyon Drive? The fate of your parking now hangs in the balance—and do-gooding supercouple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are likely to blame. Two upcoming meetings—one at Hollywood Presbyterian Church and one at City Hall—will address the transformation of this once restriction-free parking Eden into a dreaded TPPD, or Temporary Preferential Parking District. Translation: Give up all hope ye who park here, you're going to come back to a ticket. The reason? According to grassroots parking activists franklinvillage.org, the TPPD is the direct result of a UMP, or Unusual Media Presence. Translation: Lets prevent those dirty paps from camping out outside the home of our gorgeous new neighbors, the Pitt-Jolies!

They say nobody in Hollywood knows anything, which is true in just about every situation but the one facing DreamWorks and its partners at Paramount — a pair about as likely to split in acrimony within the year as Nikki Finke is to wheeze "TOLDJA!" when it happens. Patrick Goldstein today offers a rough primer for the 'Works/'Mount divorce, with enough oversights and elisions to make it dispensable (for starters, whither UA in the potential coupling of DreamWorks and MGM?) but thought-provoking enough to ask: Where will the 'Works wind up?

Jack Jordan is the lovelorn and deeply misunderstood man currently on trial for having developed—and who hasn't!—an irrationally obsessive crush on screen siren Uma Thurman. This in turn led him to perform such deeply unsettling, yet oddly touching, gestures as presenting Thurman with samples of his own stick-figure art—which we've reproduced according to trial testimony's exacting specifications. The AP now reports that a jury has found Jordan guilty. The conviction—one count of stalking and one count of aggravated harassment—means Jordan could face up to one year in jail.

Going through a tough breakup is never easy, but the subsequent tendency to canoodle with every available bachelor in town on a weekly basis rarely helps ease the pain. Case in point: Cameron Diaz, who has most recently been spotted "holding hands" with Entourage star and professional party-goer Kevin Connolly. And it seems like only yesterday when Diaz made out with Jason Patric on a beach, and only last week when Diaz was linked to 300 star Gerard Butler. And the list has gone on and on — Criss Angel! Djimon Hounsou! — ever since long-term boyfriend Justin Timberlake headed for curvier pastures last year. We take a closer look at the self-professed "boy-crazy" Cameron's evening with E after the jump.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Lindsay Lohan may be headed to the slammer yet again, but this time her crime has nothing to do with cokepants, crashed cars or "adequite" Blackberry manifestos. A Columbia student named Masha Markova has come forward accusing the stunt castette of stealing her $11,000 mink coat during a private party back in January. Before automatically assuming the co-ed is just another crazy kid trying to get their name in the papers, consider her story, as told to the NY Post:

Sorry boys, It appears as if Scarlett Johansson really is taken. As we noted yesterday, 2006's Sexiest Woman Alive got engaged to equally easy-on-the-eyes boyfriend Ryan Reynolds, and judging from ScarJo's behavior last night at the Costume Institute Gala, the soon-to-be-bride appears incapable of hiding her joy. All smiles as she walked the carpet, Johansson even did the paparazzi a favor by flashing her new rock, and her choice to wear an off-white demure dress helped us paint some mental images of her upcoming walk down the aisle. But how does her ring compare to infamous engagement rings of the past (J. Lo's sad pink diamond monster mid-Bennifer trainwreck) and rings recently sported by newly engaged stars like Mariah Carey and Ashlee Simpson? We compare and contrast after the jump.

There are rumors afoot that Ugly Betty, the ABC dramedy set inside a gay person's head, will shoot its next season on location in New York. This makes perfect sense. An insider at the show says it's cheaper to shoot on location (really?), but here's our theory: these days, what with the internet at all, it's also a great marketing strategy. Look at a show like Gossip Girl, which is constantly showing up in tabloids and on, um, gossip blogs when they're filming around town. Free publicity! A cigar-chomping network executive's dream! Even a show like 30 Rock, which isn't exactly tabloid fodder, surely benefits from a few sightings once in a while. Shooting on location also offers a sense of immediacy just that isn't there on a studio backdrop (or green screen) or in a script written in a faraway writer's room.

· Common has joined the cast of the PG-13-rated Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins, as a "freedom fighter and member of [John] Connor's inner circle," who lends the future world savior the much-needed dose of hip-hop cred he'll require in battling the rising machine army. [Variety]
· Paul Dano and Joseph Gordon-Levitt's agent Warren Zavala has left Gersh for CAA's Death Starry embrace, where the new agency is planning on drinking up his client list. They drink it up! Along with babyshakes. But that's nothing new. [THR]

Ever since our first viewing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, we have adored and idolized Susan Sarandon as both an actress and an icon. And her recent decision to get the mature woman's version of a tramp stamp on her upper back only serves to heighten our girl crush. Despite being located on her back, the tattoo in question is far from trampy: Sarandon decided to intertwine the first letters of each of her three children's names in sky blue script. As for her reasoning behind the spontaneous ink, "Why not? I turned 60 and after a while you think, 'Well I've only got my body for a few more years anyway'." A closer look at the new tat, and why Susan chose body art over "that burn victim" look other stars go mad for these days, after the jump.

With the buzz of The Dark Knight clearly audible a month-and-a-half behind it, this week's Speed Racer isn't a make-or-break summer tentpole for the gang at Warner Bros. That said, it's not really in the market for embarrassment, either, and the long-circulating word-on-the-street got a bit of trade-paper legitimization today in The Hollywood Reporter. To wit: The Wachowski Brothers' first non-Matrix film in 12 years is currently tracking in second place for the weekend behind defending box-office champ Iron Man:

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Last night brought us the always anticipated The Bachelor reunion show, and while it didn't come close to reaching the dramatic heights of last season's stunning confrontation between hunky-faced Brad Womack and the shunted women he so callously tossed aside like used bedside facial tissue, it did feature some satisfying moments. Absent from the proceedings was finalist Shayne Lamas, scion of the Lamas Family Acting Dynasty, who, despite what her father might tell you, is truly, madly, deeply in love with What's-His-Face from London Town.

WHEREAS, Walt Disney Pictures has made available online this week its trailer for the animated/live-action film Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and

Here's how we picture Jeremy Piven spent his weekend: Seated in a darkened theater, two attractive brunettes on either side, staring up at Robert Downey Jr. engaged in a delightful bit of business involving not-yet-perfected booster-boot technology, and thinking to himself, "I can do that." That said, here's your latest Piv update, courtesy of Rush & Molloy: