Page Six today brings news of a faaabulous bash in St. Tropez on the yacht of Denise Rich, the Clinton pal and wife of disgraced financier Marc Rich. And to help her bring out the real stars to her party, Denise has teamed up with Erik Wachtmeister, who runs A Small World, the much-hyped "Myspace for Millionaires" social networking site for the rich. How symbolic! Two years ago, fading mogul Harvey Weinstein invested in ASW, which got a bunch of press casting both of them as the vanguard of the Next Big Thing. Now, they're more like a coalition of the washed-up.

· When did they let this moaning, twitching, four-legged freak-creature (two white legs, two black with socks on) into the Big Brother 10 house? Look away! It's positively monstrous! [Arguably NSFW.] [B-Side Blog]
· Ben Silverman told TCA today that the Amy Poehler is actually starring in a completely separate project from that Office spinoff. In other Poehler news, Lorne Michaels said that her departure from SNL will be a "big loss." (Rifling around frantically for our Kristen Wiig doll...There you are. Hugggies.) [THR, LAT]
· Patrick Swayze looking surprisingly hunky for someone with inoperable pancreatic cancer. Go get 'em, Bodhi! [Daily Mail]
· The poster for Alan Ball's True Blood makes us quiver with antici. (Count to three.) Pation. [Slashfilm via AICN]
· Remember that time you were thinking to yourself, "If only I had a visual dictionary of a wide variety of baby animals." Well, today is your lucky day. Even Four-Legged BJ Monsters are cute when they're babies! [Baby Animal Alphabet]

Perhaps to our discredit, we had long ago relegated disgraced fashion designer/tacky Web-site proprietor Anand Jon Alexander to the quiet corners of our minds where accused serial rapists like him (59 counts, at last check) await trial. Sharon Waxman, meanwhile — who extensively interviewed AJ and pored over eight volumes of grand jury transcripts for an article in the new issue of Los Angeles — acknowledges that the testimony of the aspiring models he allegedly assaulted is both "damning" and "extremely weak in places," implying that Alexander's case may not be as open-and-closed as we'd suspected once it goes to trial in September. "Anand Jon does not appear to be a nice guy," she writes. "But that is not a crime in any state."

Just two weeks after Matthew McConaughey had his first child, he's already lost the pregnancy weight. If that's not reason enough to hate him, there's also this trailer for Surfer, Dude (if you're confused by that comma, just wait until you watch the the video!), a stoner comedy for people turned off by Pineapple Express's high production values and ability to elicit laughter. What's going on here? Well, several famous weed-enthusiasts (Woody Harrelson, Willie Nelson) have contributed their talents to a project seemingly conceived not to send up McConaughey's reputation, but rather to enable it: The entire thing seems like it was shot in short bursts between surfing runs and rent-a-car hotboxing opportunities, by the very same P.A.s who sauntered up to McConaughey in Malibu with tar-stained outline in hand, pledging, "We'd throw paparazzi down for you, brah."

It seems as if nary a day has gone by in the last few months where we haven't gotten an update on the new CW re-envisioning of Beverly Hills 90210. Up to now, there have been a frenzy of rumors suggesting which original castmembers will be returning (Donna Martin, Kelly Taylor, Nat) and which wouldn't (Dylan McKay, Steve Sanders, Andrea Zuckerman). However, there is one person whose name has never entered the rumor mill. That name is Brandon Walsh. And you know what? We're glad. It's not because we have anything against Jason Priestley as an actor, it's more because Brandon Walsh was one of the most sanctimoniously asshole-ish characters to ever appear on network TV. In tonight's edition of Defamer To Do's, Molly McAleer finally gets the opportunity to showcase her utter disdain for the eldest child of Jim and Cindy Walsh. Enjoy!

At long last, Dina Lohan has figured out a way to put all those rumors about her fictional former career as a Rockette to rest. In a clever and trademark bout of not-so-subtle child manipulation, Dina arranges for the always-bored Cody to publicize her very own Vegas show starring Dina, her jazz hands, and a pair of leggings that look suspiciously like a knock-off of Lindsay's blow job-ready version. With Ali’s career at its inevitable standstill, Dina decided to show her little ones how a real stage star gets the job done: con your child into playing PR boy for your otherwise blip on glitter-dusted Vegas' star-studded radar, and feign shock and scorn for the cameras after Cody's adorable promotional fliers are hung all over town. And still, amidst all the excitement of Dina’s return to solo stardom, we viewers learned yet another essential trifecta of lessons on how to belittle your son, blow off pony-tailed Carlos Leon-wannabes who just want a piece of your delicious ass and, of course, dance like it’s 1989:

Tireless, chin-mole-free multi-hyphenate Sarah Jessica Parker is donning yet another hat, and this one you'll be pleased to hear contains not a single twig-sculpture or lepidoptera specimen. Rather, she'll be executive producing a new Bravo reality competition from Project Runway/Top Chef studio Magical Elves. The discipline? Like, art:

Paul Thomas Anderson enthusiasts, take note: Word from the Largo mailing list (via /Film) has a PTA-scripted performance by Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen going off Aug. 5-6 at the club's new space at the Coronet Theater. Organizers are keeping mum about everything but the price — $25 — and that tickets are available now. As the second home of Anderson's frequent composer Jon Brion (who maintains a regular Friday gig) and other collaborators including Michael Penn and Aimee Mann, Largo seems a reasonable stopover for the filmmaker, though it hardly seems right that Fred Fucking Armisen unofficially inherits Daniel Day-Lewis's leading-man mantle in the "mad, beautiful" continuum that is the PTA canon. Rudolph though? OK, sure, we can see it. [Largo via /Film]

Whenever a long-standing couple like Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel hit the skids, we feel the need to play Emma and set the lovelorn kids up with someone new ASAP. And since we were the ones who debunked the news that Jimmy had already rebounded with one of his writers, we feel like we should continue our tradition of suggesting a few paramours for the pair of funny people. See our suggestions after the jump.

All those of hours of practice and hard work finally paid off for Reese Witherspoon and her bulldog as they successfully struck a similar pose on their way to Fred Segal. Witherspoon was inspired by the CBS reality series Greatest American Dog and wanted to have a symbiotic relationship with the pup. Witherspoon didn't want to become a crazy dog lady, but she realized that her bulldog was just too cute to not pal around with while in Hollywood.

· Fergie has joined the ever-growing cast of the Weinstein Co.'s Nine. In her first role in a major motion picture, she'll play "Saraghina, a lusty woman who introduces [Daniel Day-Lewis's character] to the world of sexuality" by lowering her drawbridge, extending a long straw, and sucking down the frothy contents of his simmering desire. In some ways you could almost say that she'll drink his manshake—she'll drink it up! (Forgive us.) [Variety]
· Mad Men endured another critic-derived facial, being named TCA's program of the year, best new program, and best drama. [Variety]
· British actor James Purefoy close to signing on as the lead in The Philanthropist, an NBC series about "a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth to help people in need no matter the risks or costs" that's loosely based on Donald Trump's life. [THR]
· Selma Blair's new sitcom Kath & Kim will take 30 Rock's 8:30 p.m. Thursday slot, with 30 Rock pitching camp in the far MILF-friendlier environment of 9:30. [THR]
· High School Musical: Get in the Picture underperformed for ABC, curtailing that network's plans for spinoffs High School Musical: My First Internet Photoscandal and Being Miley: The Search for America's Next Virgin Slut. [Variety]

One of the most stirringly batshit films we've seen this year, Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam of Crystal debuts on HBO tonight after a successful premiere run at last month's Los Angeles Film Festival. We've tipped you previously to some of the harrowing dynamics herein: Ex-madam Heidi Fleiss nabs a land deal in Pahrump, Nev., where she'll attempt to make her comeback with an all-male brothel for women. Civic outrage, meth relapses and an inheritance of tropical birds conspire to scuttle her dream. Hilarity decidedly does not ensue.

A movie set can often be a busy place—so many people! Doing so many different things!—so a hardworking actress like Rosie Perez can be forgiven if she occasionally slips up on a makeup girl or AD's name. But what about, say, shitting the bed when crediting the star of her current movie, who also happens to be to the writer, on a national TV appearance? Wait—we're not done yet. Now, let's say she doesn't just mispronounce it, but replaces it entirely with a popular men's hair-restoration product. What then? We're torn, ourselves. On the one hand, Perez is just about cute enough to get away with it. On the other, did you really think his name is Seth Rogaine, Rosie? Like, really? Are we next to hear about your exciting guest arc on The Bad Mother's Handbook starring Propecia Silverstone?

Fedora enthusiast Samantha Ronson had trouble focusing on her job at a party in the Hamptons over the weekend. Ronson was constantly checking over to her shoulder to see what her gal pal, Lindsay Lohan, was up to. Ronson placed one ear bud over her left ear while using the other ear to keep up with Lohan's conversation. Unfortunately, Ronson was still not able to hear over the din of the crowd and her next musical selection. Ronson managed to catch the tail end of Lohan's epic story about how she spilled various sodas to test out the power of her recently purchased Shamwow. Lohan comforted Ronson after her set and apologized for telling stories about their favorite new infomercial purchase without Sam being there to join in on the conversation.

In light of some breaking hair-related news involving future fugitive Katie Holmes, we must admit that we’ve underestimated the Scientology prisoner. As the Daily Mail reported over the weekend, Broadway’s least-alluring celebrity rookie recently chopped off even more of her already chin-grazing bob, and even dared to pull out those hair curlers in what could be the beginning move in a new strategy to finally flee the Knights of Hubbard. Though Kate’s "boyish" cut may backfire, it’s a clever plan nonetheless. Below, we provide five of the best examples of drastic 'do-caused catastrophes directly linked to highly publicized breakups, from Jennifer Aniston’s self-conscious bob that led to Brangelina, to Cameron Diaz’s unfortunate goth dye job that failed to inspire any future sex or love sounds from Justin Timberlake:

We bring sad news from the ongoing Film Critic Death March: In a broken-down negotiation that we like to imagine at one point contained the exchange, "You're asking for how much money?! You think you two are the only Ebert and Roeper out there? Someone get me a Chicago phone book and I bet I'll find you an Ebert and Roeper with an opinion about movies. Even a monkey (who happens to be named Ebert and/or Roeper) could do your job!" the two star critics have pulled out of their show At The Movies With Ebert & Roeper, with legendary opinion-haver Roger Ebert hinting at disastrous creative changes to come:

In a landmark decision for bodice rippers and the networks who love them, a trio of federal judges today threw out the FCC's $550,000 fine against CBS for the Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed Janet Jackson's right breast in 2004. The damning decision resulted in a miserable spoof by Justin Timberlake at last night's ESPY Awards and, worse yet for the FCC, essentially wiped out the upgraded decency standards implemented after the broadcast — at least for live shows, which required the judges to buy CBS's defense that the nip slip was an "accident."

We now have a better idea of how long Jimmy Fallon will be made to spin in an NBC.com hamster wheel before his big network debut: The Leno/O'Brien passing of the not-entirely-thought-out-torch will occur at the end of May 2009: "Jay Leno will sign off as host of The Tonight Show on May 29, 2009, with Conan O'Brien taking over the storied franchise on Monday, June 1, 2009." Asked for comment on this Jeff Zucker-hunch gone awry (that comes with a reported $40 million penalty fee to O'Brien should they pull out), NBC co-chair Marc Graboff told the TCA, "We made our decision and I'm happy with it. NBC will continue to dominate late-night." [TV Week]

Maybe it came out of concerns over his tepidly reviewed performance at Just For Laughs, where the straight-faced-challenged former SNL star delivered on the audience's darkest fears with groaner ditties like "You Spit When You Talk" and "Car Wash For Peace." In any case, the strange talent-shuffle scheduled at NBC late night —ratings-leader Jay Leno ejected from his Tonight Show job, Conan O'Brien shuffled in to take his place, and Jimmy Fallon ushered into the post vacated by O'Brien—has become just that much stranger. Dark Canadian comedy overlord Lorne Michaels announced Fallon would cut his teeth with a web-based mini-show leading up to his big gig:

Relief swept Defamer HQ today as we can finally close the book on the long, tortured saga of Fanboys, the terminal-cancer by-way-of-Skywalker-Ranch buddy comedy whose scissoring (and presumed dumping) at the hands of Harvey Weinstein provoked such authentic fanboy outrage last spring. But now a press release from Darth Weinstein himself announced that Fanboys will receive a second premiere this week at San Diego ComicCon — now with fans' "extensive feedback" added to the final cut.