Trophy Case: Four-time Suspenders Aficionado magazine coverboy Larry King is on the offensive after rumors surfaced that he will leave his current wife, Shawn Southwick, after she finishes a stint in rehab. "His PR spokesman told AOL Television exclusively that those stories are not true; King tells us, 'I love her.'" [AOL Television]

It seemed too good to be true, and indeed, it was: after rumors surfaced that Amy Winehouse had been tapped to sing the theme song for the upcoming James Bond film Quantum of Solace, the troubled songstress fell out of the project (having recorded nothing but confused shrieks of "Oi! Blaaaake" over a propulsive string quartet). Now, Bond producers have turned to an unlikely pair to record the series' first duet:

Having stared into the vacant black eyes of The Beast more times than he'd care to remember, veteran movie producer Art Linson (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fight Club, and Into the Wild, to name just a few) had amassed so many "That's Hollywood, baby!" stories over the years, he strung them together into a memoir—What Just Happened? Bitter Hollywood Tales from the Front Line—and then a screenplay. And surprise! The project found a producer, who convinced Barry Levinson to direct, and Robert DeNiro to take the lead.

Freeze, Motherfucker: Sometimes Defamer just has to take a stand, as we hope our recent efforts on behalf of Victims of George Lucas reflects. And such crusades are always made easier by the knowledge we're not alone. For instance, take the kindred spirit who enacted the fantasy of beleaguered Star Wars and Indiana Jones fans everywhere with this model of Lucas encased in carbonite — a riff on Han Solo's mode of transport following his enemy capture in The Empire Strikes Back. We can probably conjure lesser penalties for Lucas, but click the image for a more detailed rendering of the short-term fix that suits us just fine. [/Film]

Theories abound in the NY Times recently as to why Steven Spielberg had to go all the way to India for a new and improved DreamWorks deal: Wall Street is skittish! DVD revenue is slipping! Spielberg is overpriced! So on and so forth — all and none of which are true at the same time. What's buried waaay at the end of Brooks Barnes's users guide to Spielberg 2.0, however, is the key chapter explaining his quest for the one backer in the world who will just give him a half-billion dollars already and leave him alone:

Following a 5.4 earthquake that dealt most of its damage to people's Facebook status updates ("Jim is: EARTHQUAKE!"), it was only natural to wonder how the tremor might have affected the city's old, its infirm, and its Big Brother 10 residents. Fortunately, the Hollywood Reporter can help us out on at least one of those fronts: its video update reveals that the Big Brother houseguests bypassed the "Is that a truck? Oh, wait..." stage experienced by most Los Angelenos, instead rushing out into the backyard to doff their clothes and trade "Omigawds." Video after the jump.Click to view

We'd like to interrupt your regular Wednesday morning Defamer reading activities to introduce you to the newest member of our editorial team. Taking a cue from our dog-eared copy of the Brangelina playbook, we are thrilled to announce that Kyle Buchanan —who was recently declared malaria-free— is joining our ranks in the position of Associate Editor, where he will be helping us stir the pop culture pot each and every day. You may remember Kyle from his guest blogging stint late last month, but you'll certainly recognize his byline from his work in magazines like Flaunt and The Advocate, not to mention the beloved (and much missed) LA-based webzine Ostrich Ink. We are confident that you will quickly become as enamored with his keen cultural observations and love for movies and television as we already are. So, with that, everyone please give a warm welcome to Kyle (*cough* let the hazing begin! *cough*). Now, on with the show...

When last we left Harry Potter, the post-pubescent sorceror was learning to control a host of newly acquired wand-wielding tricks, while grappling with the stunning news that trusted headmaster Dumbledore enjoyed the company of fellow wizards. After the blustery torment of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, star Daniel Radcliffe hinted that even darker things were to come, noting Half-Blood Prince would incorporate "a fair amount of sexual energy and drug parallels. We have a couple of Trainspotting moments." Now comes our first glimpse of the movie's trailer:

Seeking an escape from the wall-to-wall coverage of the Great Earthquake, Grey's Anatomy amigos T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl engaged in a bit of retail therapy at the Americana in Glendale. Knight and Heigl felt that new shopping center was a lot like the Grove, but with fewer tourists. Sensing a lull in their conversation, Knight asked if Heigl had sent an apology bouquet from Edible Arrangements to the writers yet. Heigl shook her head and said that she couldn't decide on which one to send. Knight thought the right approach would probably be to just send all of the arrangements.

We're not sure how much we can rely on the trustworthiness of an item in Page Six about Seth Rogen's Pineapple Express-party toking habits when the gossip sheet manages to misspell the popular actor's surname three separate times—toppling previous record-holder Rosie "Rogaine" Perez as the world's most formidable Seth Rogen name-mangler. That said, take it away Page Six:

We're sorry to note this morning that the laff-a-minute presidential opus W. has earned its first negative review, and it's one from which the film may have difficulty recovering: Elisabeth Hasselbeck needed only the trailer to swear off Oliver Stone's all-star romp through the life and times of George W. Bush, citing the filmmaker's "bias" and critical treatment of a sitting Commander in Chief. Her outraged View co-hosts Sherri Shepherd and Whoopi Goldberg — the latter still stung by the crippling backlash to trailers for her 2006 classic Homie Spumoni — warned of the implications of judging too harshly before seeing the film, but it was no use. Damage control is on at Lionsgate, meanwhile, where desperate marketing kingpin Tim Palen reportedly earmarked up to a third of his studio's new $340 million credit line for an early, spoilerrific David Letterman rave. Alas, some bells just can't be unrung. [AOL]

Celebrity publicists are definitely busy. They're often liars. Sometimes they try to control media coverage. But are they really a "dark breed of fixers, stuntsters and arch media manipulators"? Do Hollywood flacks count as "an invisible army of Machiavellian schemers"? No, they're more like a very visible army of bumbling media whores and hustlers. But the Times UK has several even more exaggerated descriptions of the prowess of idiot flacks. This story's hyperbole makes it the stupidest article ever written about PR, which threatens to destroy the media forever:

Your All-Earthquake Special Edition: · A shared traumatic experience provides thousands of deeply moving stories: This one, about the crew of an online horoscope show comforting each other in their not-quite-darkest hour, is one of them. [theCosmosGal's YouTube page] · LAist has some great security footage of a bicycle store in San Dimas doing the earthquake shuffle. We'd probably be tossing kids and grandmas out of the way to get the hell out of there, too. [LAist] · "Where was I when it hit? Oh, I was in stirrups with my gynecologist's hands in my vagina. What about you?" [Twitter] · We must commend the LAT for being so quick on their slideshow-compiling feet: Here's a tribute to Earthquakes in the Movies. Ah yes, who could forget NBC's 10.5, and its sequel 10.5 Apocalypse—both of which registered about a 10.5 in the scientifically-shaky-ground department. [LAT] · CEILING TILE DOWN. WE REPEAT: CEILING TILE DOWN. [Curbed LA]

At one time or another, we've all found ourselves mindlessly chattering away with clenched jaws to people we barely know as the clock approaches 6am. And while the impending sunrise is usually a good sign that it's time to go home, sometimes you just want to keep the party going a little bit longer. So you run to the corner and pick up another package. Before you get back to the party where your friends are, you can't resist the urge to open up the packet and have a little taste for yourself. So there you stand, sweaty and excited, as you tear open the package, quickly licking your finger and dipping it into the good stuff. You then give your gums a good rub, and that familiar feeling washes all over you once again. Ah yes, nothing beats a Saturday night on the town with an unlimited supply of Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip! Won't you join along as our own Molly McAleer presents this evening's To Do's while experiencing the ultimate (sugar) high with Willy Wonka's finest marching powder? Enjoy!· Black Kids at the El Rey. · James Taylor at the Greek Theater. · LA Craft Mafia Craft Up! at Saints and Sinners bar. · Christian Lander, author of Stuff White People Like, at Book Soup.

It’s always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you’re just trying out for another straight-to-DVD horror remake, only to find out afterwards that you just emoted all your talents in front of a titan of the porn industry. In yet another display of complete parental ignorance, Dina Lohan’s decision to send Lindsay-wannabe Ali on a journey to score a part in Troll in this weekend’s season finale of Living Lohan was kind of equivalent to sending your 14-year old daughter on a read-through of Bun Busters 13 or Breast Wishes 15. Yes, Ali’s eager efforts to make it big in showbiz has officially included a smiley “nerve-wracking” experience reciting classic lines like “Ratburgers!” in front of the multi-colored hair piece-topped Peter Davy, responsible for discovering gangbang queen Houston, among many other hardcore accomplishments. The clip, including Ali's stomach-tightening attempt to impress the porn industry professionals, after the jump.We, just like most of you, watched the Sunday finale of Dina’s pet project somewhat naïvely, unsuspecting of any cameos by canonized porn producers or guest spots made by directors intending on using Ali’s potential role into a “private instruction” on how to turn an otherwise innocuous ‘80s film remake into a “delicious” and sexy flick made magical by “people in China.” While the Troll director’s instructions guide Ali through much of the embarrassing audition, we have a sneaking suspicion that Davy’s presence is to blame for the wee Lohan’s need to imitate the “acrobatic” lead’s performance as Eunice, the “guardian against dark magic,” by imagining the casting room’s crew of greasy-haired Skinematic and Blowtime veterans are “really big movie people.” Typically, we await tomorrow, when Dina releases a statement denying Ali was ever in such a room whatsoever, and that any footage documenting the fact that she was were created by vicious haters is pure “bull doodie.”

A disturbing revelation has come to light today about Swing Vote, Kevin Costner's election-year opus about the alcoholic schlub on whose shoulders the entirety of presidential politics rests via some fluke of electoral nature. It's about as disappointing as its midsummer dumping implies, writes NY Post critic Lou Lumenick, but that hardly seems as unexpected as his observation that the whole film rips off is an "uncredited remake" of a 1939 John Barrymore film called The Great Man Votes:

Ah, the buzz cut: that sometimes-risky, sometimes-successful ‘do usually sported by male celebrities when it's required for a role in a military/secret agent/futuristic film or because they need a quick way to change their public image. But no matter what their reasons are for taking the razor to the scalp, the look has roughly a 50/50 chance of working. Two of the most recent stars to shave it all off are Jennifer Aniston arm candy John Mayer and new member of the Movie Press-Generating Lawbreakers’ Club Josh Brolin, and while Mayer irritatingly manages to pull the look off despite his big head ego, Brolin’s close cut reveals a bit too much skin. Which immediately made us reminisce on buzz cuts of the past, both the bad (Hey, Jude), the good (pre-Scientology Tommy C.), and the very ugly (Attack Of The Killer Umbrella-Bearers):

And our Concealed Weapon Charge of the Day award goes to foreign comedy treasure Jerry Lewis, 82, who was found to be carrying an unregistered handgun at the Detroit airport today. Lewis's manager Claudia Marghilano later explained it was a "a hollowed-out prop gun" that Lewis "sometimes twirls" before weepy dollar-store runs. [AP]

Nicita Has Left the Building: Not a day too soon, it appears, 42-year agency veteran and CAA partner Rick Nicita is ditching his Death Star digs for the co-chairman spot at Morgan Creek. Nicita joins a distinguished list of CAA defectors to studio front offices, led by Michael Ovitz's spectacular Disney flame job and Ron Meyer's decidedly improved turn heading up Universal. The latter studio's distribution partnership with Morgan Creek will come in handy for Nicita, who will be charged with restoring the Creek to its late-'80s/early-'90s golden years after a string of recent underachievers including The Good Shepherd and Man of the Year. We admit we're a little surprised; at a time when most of his old CAA contemporaries are slowing down and/or testifying in federal court, Nicita's move is that of a man with something to prove — most likely with wife Paula Wagner and client Tom Cruise looking on studiously from their own perches at UA. That's just the kind of mensch he is. Good luck, Rick! [LAT, Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Harry Potter film series star Emma Watson appeared to be the life of the afterparty in Windsor over the weekend. With the aid of what Watson referred to as her "Hermione Juice," Watson bounced around the party, serving as a makeshift hostess looking for an afterparty after the original afterparty. After searching for a few minutes, Watson discovered an after-after party in a dorm room at a nearby university.