A new kind of crisis recently befell the Church of Scientology, accusations serious enough to reduce those Suri-sippy-cup and Will Smith Brainwash Academy rumors to mere enturbulatory afterthoughts: An ex-member has filed a $250 million suit against the Church in Florida, invoking federal racketeering statutes generally reserved for the Mafia and other crime syndicates. Even more ambitiously, the suit reportedly names Tom Cruise as a primary conspirator in Scientology's global scheme, which plaintiff Peter Letterese claims to have encompassed threats and harassment of himself and his attorney. It's a devastating charge that stands to upend celebrity religion as we know it — more details and a brief analysis by the Defamer Legal Team follow after the jump.We know, we know: Racketeering? Scientologists? But they seem so modest! Nevertheless, as we're learning today, it's not just the Catholics who allegedly have ethics-challenged leeches dangling from the flock's soft flesh:

· And now for some non-earthquake-related Big Brother rumbles: In one corner, we have 75-year-old contestant (and the oldest person on CBS since Murder, She Wrote), Jerry. In the other, we have professional "mixologist" Memphis, precisely one-third Jerry's age. We won't tell you how it plays out, except to say so long as you're glimpsing three-quarters-of-a-century-old armpit, Jerry's winning. [Big Brother] · A fourth Austin Powers is reportedly being written by Mike Myers. It's a "very personal [take] with a father and son theme loosely based on his own life," meaning it's sure to feature a scene in which the old Mini Me is tossed around in the backyard. [Deadline Hollywood] · In honor of Discovery Channel's Shark Week, a chat with a Great White. [edithzimmerman.com] · Hitting every stop on the Interactive Ben Kingsley Accent Map would wear out even the sturdiest Amazing Race contestants. [bestweekever.tv] · Hey—bear running around a track in high heels! [Jezebel]

During Monday's installment of Defamer To Do's, Molls was paid a visit by her old friend Gina (who, eerily, may have predicted yesterday's earthquake). Keeping with the spirit of revisiting familiar faces, our old friend Lindsay Lohan is back to recommend some things for lovers To Do in Los Angeles tonight. Enjoy!· The Hold Steady at Avalon. · Ambrosia at Pershing Square Park. · Wicked at the Pantages Theater.

Perhaps inspired by the Britney-prompted downturn in paparazzi profits, former commercial photographer Tania Cowher has come up with a novel (yet terrible) solution: allowing non-celebrities to hire their own personal paparazzi via her service Celeb 4 a Day. After all, who among us hasn't yearned to be stalked by a loudmouthed photographer screaming, "Over here! Look over here, you bitch!" on the way to Walgreens? The answer is "almost everyone," at least if this clip from Rachael Ray is the judge. After grilling Cowher, Ray asks the audience to raise their hand if they'd use the service themselves, soliciting a feeble response. Next time, Tania, try Oprah: the audience will scream in pleasure when O yells "You get Getty Images! You get an X17 subscription! EVERYONE GETS A BAUER-GRIFFIN LOGIN!"

As if we weren't soiling our pants enough already in anticipation of Disney's Beverly Hills Chihuahua and its high-kicking chorus of furry Mexican slurs, now comes a short teaser from the upcoming The Princess and The Frog—a return to hand-drawn animation for the studio, and the first to feature an African-American princess in the lead. Set in New Orleans, the jazz-era musical is written and directed by the team who brought us classics like Aladdin and The Little Mermaid, features songs by Randy Newman, and—if this teaser is any indication—stars a toothless firefly that seems to have fluttered in accidentally from the set of Song of the South 2: Cajun Vacation. Unfortunately, the feature won't be in theaters until Christmas 2009. Haw-haw! Id looks like dis could take some TAHM!

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Courtney Love pawing through Benjamin Moore paint samples in Santa Monica.

Seth Rogen's recent mellow-harshing bust notwithstanding, there has arguably never been a better time to be a pot aficionado in the movies. Or at the movies. Or returning to the movies — or to the road, anyway, as evinced by new reports of Cheech and Chong's cannabis comeback. Basically anyone who can approximate stoner bliss is ready for prime time these days, from the principals of Harold and Kumar to Pineapple Express to Smiley Face (to say nothing of Hall of Famers The Big Lebowski and Up in Smoke), notes a pot-film scholar who miraculously focused long enough to taxonomize and rate them:

A while back, those savvy kids over at New York magazine's Vulture posed the provocative question: "Is Ryan on The Office a thinly veiled Ben Silverman?" In a case of life imitating art imitating life, it looks like Silverman may follow in his fictional wunderkind's footsteps: rumors are flying that the NBC co-chairman is about to be fired. Says Page Six:

Disconcerting news: Patron Saint of Eastside Good-Time Drunkenness Kiefer Sutherland has put his bachelor's paradise up for sale, the Real Estalker blog informs us. Located in a converted foundry on N. Madison (that's Melrose just west of Virgil—hey, we can spit there!), the 14,400 sq. foot warehouse space cost him $700,000 to purchase, and—outfitted with "three bedrooms and four bathrooms...25 foot ceilings and polished concrete floor...[and] curtained off areas that function as an art/painting studio and a home gym set up"—it's now available to you, the Kiefer-Stalking Person or Persons of Means, for a mere $4,895,000. Did we mention it's walking distance to Ye Rustic? Look: We've even Google Mapped it for you! Take a photo tour after the jump:Before you begin sobbing between self-pitying bites of Myrtle Burger—positive the listing means we'll see a reduction in Kiefer's legendary pub-crawling exploits in the area—we'll leave you with this thought: You can take Kiefer out of Silver Lake, but you can never take the Silver Lake out of Kiefer. Whoever buys this property, perhaps some Arabian sultan seriously obsessed with 24, we hereby commission you to erect a wonky-looking-Kiefer mural on its facade. Enjoy the tour.

As we noted at the Los Angeles Film Festival, Animal House is turning 30 this year. Thankfully, this is one of the few pop culture movies that I can say I was too young too truly remember. Vague images of John Belushi and togas linger in my waterlogged, alcohol-soaked brain, but I'd never experienced the phenomenon that is the John Landis-directed flick first-hand. With promises of beer and babes, I headed to the Bergamot Station Arts Colony, a 16,000 square foot facility where the Writer's Boot Camp is located. Founded by Jeffrey Gordon, Writer's Boot Camp, besides drilling in the basics of Structure and Exciting Incidents into the minds of many aspiring screenwriters, also hosts parties. This one delivered on its promise to bring together members of the cast and crew, including Landis himself, to a panel discussion. Also: did you know that it's possible to talk about Animal House for TWO HOURS?Making my way through the gargantuan Colony, I stopped and took a picture of a "Junker Garden," an art project by Farmlab. A Mercedes filled with dirt and plants. Très cool.

With the hazy, nut-hugging memory of Comic-Con thankfully behind it, the world has begun to take stock of the actual news that came out of San Diego last weekend. But perhaps the biggest story broke today as an erstwhile fanboy overcame his quivering long enough to capture this preview of The Wolfman, Benicio Del Toro's riff on the hairy horror classic. The (mildly spoiling) touchstones are all there for a hit in the making: tortured brooder Del Toro slashing top-hatted limeys; Anthony Hopkins's furrowed, torch-lit brow; Hugo Weaving getting out of a carriage; Emily Blunt in soft-focus peril; and surprisingly grisly flashes of the title character's prey. Seriously, this looks pretty good (the movie, not the video) but don't get us wrong — it's no Red Sonja. Really, though, what is? Judge for yourself after the jump. [TrailerAddict via /Film]

Next time you see a paparazzo camped out on the sidewalk outside of Hyde, won't you toss him a nickel? Times are tough all over, and the recession that swallowed America is now threatening to put Hollywood's most aggressive celebrity photographers out of business — only, the blame for this financial crunch falls squarely on a newly sane (and thus unphotographable) Britney Spears. Says the L.A. Times:

Whether gathering the family 'round to marvel at the sheer Coors-can-devastating force of Busty Heart's exercise-ball-sized melons, or simply gasping in amazement as octuple-jointed youngster Victoria braids her limbs into a human challah bread, you never quite know what form America's talent will take on America's Got Talent. On last night's show, for example, we were treated to that Las Vegas showroom mainstay—the celebrity impersonator—effecting the guise of addled Godfather of Metal, Ozzy Osbourne. So chillingly spot-on was the performance that Ozzy's own wife, Talent judge Sharon Osbourne, admitted not even she could tell the impostor from her own husband. She then insisted he drop his pants and proceeded to examine the contestant thoroughly; satisfied he bore none of Ozzy's distinguishing cigarette burns or The Catheter Bag of Darkness, she was happy to move the doppelganger onto the next round of competition.

Love Guru star Verne Troyer was the person to hang out with at the ESPN X Games Celebrity Golf torment on Tuesday afternoon. Troyer's audience at the tournament included reality TV mavens Brody Jenner and Frankie Delgado, the latter of whom compared the pint size actor's golfing skills to Phil Mickelson. Jenner said, "He's good, but he's nowhere as awesome as K-Fed. He's like the Tiger Woods of celebrity golfers, but Verne is kind of cooler cause he has that sex tape."

Ask Don: Confused? Conflicted? Lingering regrets? Maybe everyone's favorite Madison Ave. iceberg—10% cool exterior, the other 90% lurking beneath the surface—can help you at What Would Don Draper Do: "Dear Don Draper, I was thinking about getting the 3G iPhone. Thoughts?: Stop thinking about it as a phone with a touch screen. Start thinking about it as a way to touch each other." [What Would Don Draper Do?]

It's hard to place a value on irreplaceable Project Runway mentor Tim Gunn, and once upon a time, the Weinstein Company didn't even try. According to testimony this month from beleaguered mogul Harvey Weinstein (who's currently being sued by Bravo in the wake of Runway's network hop), Gunn was reimbursed during the first season of Project Runway for the low, low price of $0 per episode:

While we refuse to believe Nielsen actually spent money to discover that R-ratings hinder comedies more than horror films, the results of its recent survey dovetail interestingly today with a companion piece about Tropic Thunder's potential for August domination. We've seen Tropic and can vouch for it living up to most of its hype, from Tom Cruise's sociopath studio boss to Robert Downey Jr.'s otherworldly, meta-Method blackface turn. But rating and timing are everything, as always, prompting The Hollywood Reporter to foretell a relatively floppy future:

For anyone who had a sneaking suspicion that yesterday's earthquake was just the beginning of the end, we offer you more proof: marginally recognizable drunk driver Khloe Kardashian has taken it upon herself to give advice to accident-plagued Shia LaBeouf ... and she suggests exactly what countless Defamer commenters have already recommended (namely, why don't these rich kids have drivers already)? Says Us Magazine:

· Oh, goody! Eight-ball-faced (literally, not in the Andy Dick sense) Looney Tunes character Marvin The Martian will get his own Warner Bros. feature, in which he shall finally be reunited with his beloved eludium pu36 explosive space modulator. [Variety]
· HBO secured rights to Liza Palmer's chunk lit classic, Conversations With the Fat Girl. [Variety]
· In more HBO news—these guys are desperate for a hit! Everyone's tuning over to AMC! FUCKING AMC!!!—they've returned to executive producer Mark Wahlberg's muscled embrace, greenlighting his pilot How to Make It in America. It's about "three enterprising downtown twentysomethings who hustle their way through New York City determined to achieve the American dream," aka NYCtourage. [THR]
· ABC purchased French sitcom Fais pas ci, fais pas ca for Americanization by Samantha Who? co-EP Bob Kushell. [THR]
· Josh Lucas will star in Tim Robbins's Showtime pilot Possible Side Effects, about a pharmaceutical dynasty. The title is a humorous play on the common warnings you find on prescription drug literature. [THR]

A fretful Reese Witherspoon asked the women at a Brentwood nail salon if it would be okay for her to drive home with wet nails. The Little Nicky star has had numerous manicures in the past, but seemed unsure if her nails were completely dry yet. The nail technicians assured Witherspoon that her fingernails were dry and completely safe for driving. Witherspoon looked at her manicure one more time and asked if they could run a hair dryer over them before heading she got behind the wheel.