It's well-known that the conceptual period preceding The Dark Knight was an exceptionally fertile time for all involved — smooth Batsailing for a creative team responsible for reimagining the heroes and villains of Gotham City. Chief among those visions was The Joker, preliminary sketches of whom are now appearing in a new coffee-table book for the fanboy who has everything, The Art of The Dark Knight. An attentive reader points out today, however, how one of the early, nastier Joker mock-ups reminds him of an old friend of Defamer — a guy whose uncanny likeness would have no doubt stirred more controversy, trouble and tragedy than all the accursed Dark Knight infamy we've observed over the last year.

The gloomy state of print media can drive a man to do funny things and Los Angeles Times writer Bill Plaschke is no exception. In the face of layoffs and blog mandates, the sports columnist (currently in Beijing covering the Olympics) bravely took one for the team, eschewing a business dinner of prime rib and caviar for something a little cheaper: penis. Lucky for him, there's a restaurant in Beijing that only serves penis (both a la mode and with a soupçon of testicle), and lucky for us, the whole meal was captured for posterity. Hit up the video after the break. Hope you've already eaten lunch! [KTLA]

· New Line is developing a movie about Parkour—"a free-jumping extreme sport in which agile practitioners run and jump from rooftops." Set to star is Channing Tatum, who'll play a self-taught rooftop-jumper who falls for a beautiful, classically trained Parkourist from the other side of the tracks. Several thousand copycat deaths to follow. [Variety] · Maverick Films president Mark Morgan is splitting with partner Guy Oseary, and rebranding the studio under the new name Imprint Entertainment, though we prefer the sound of Pooped My Corset Productions. [Variety] · Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless have been hired to write the Flash Gordon remake no one has been clamoring for since Dino De Laurentiis's gay-acid-trip take on the material in 1980. [THR] · 24 EP Carlos Coto has paired with Brett Ratner for Wild Boys, an action-comedy pilot about Iraq war vets turned suburban dads. [Variety] · Russian bodybuilder and action star Alexander Nevsky—this man—will play Hercules in a $12 million production, eventually going on to become America's first completely incomprehensible Russian President. [THR]

Unlike that (alleged) Hollywood Madame who outed some famous people when she mistakenly CC'd all of her clients in an email blast earlier this week, all of our advertisers are well-trained and cognizant of the intricacies of email ettiquette. Thanks this week go to Crunch, E!, Elegy, Sobieski, Starwood Hotels, Stolichnaya and Unscrew America. If you would like to join this esteemed group of Defamer advertisers, all of the requisite information can be found here.

Scene of the Crime: Though Britney Spears probably won't be reprising her woozy, indifferent performance of "Gimme More" at this year's edition of the VMAs, MTV was able to convince the newly (and unprofitably) sane starlet to record a promo poking fun at the 2007 trainwreck. Improvising her way through the ad with VMAs host Russell Brand, the two bantered on without ever mentioning the elephant in the room — in this case, an actual, 9000-pound elephant grazing behind the stars. The scene soon turned ugly when Brit-Brit wrapped the shoot by offering the tempestuous animal some Cheetos and chicken fingers; five PAs and a Real World alum working the catering table were trampled in the ensuing rampage. [Access Hollywood]

Outside of Matuhisa, Mark Wahlberg managed to confound as well as entertain a large group of onlookers when he appeared with a mystery box. Some assumed that Wahlberg's box contained leftovers, but The Happening star quickly denied those accusations. Then Wahlberg began to painfully toss the box into the area as he did a singsong chant of "it's something real cool." After a few minutes of the taunt, a man yelled, "What's in the baaaaahxxx? What's in the box?" Wahlberg opened the box and revealed that it contained the DVDs for The Happening.

This is turning out to be the week that was at MGM, where the studio celebrated Harry Sloan's recent re-upping with a bomb threat, a building evacuation and now, according to officials, a good old-fashioned anthrax scare inside MGM Tower. We hear the threat came in more than two hours ago, but MGM staff was only officially notified at 11:40. No mandatory evacuations are taking place during the investigation, though staffers have been advised, "If you feel uncomfortable remaining at the Tower you may leave upon notification to your Supervisor." Century City is the new Gotham — who knew? Follow the jump for the official e-mail making the rounds, and stay tuned for updates here as events warrant... Developing...

Today brings the joyous news that ovary-shaking Idol demigod Clay Aiken has become a father to a healthy baby boy through the miracle of cutting edge fertilization techniques (the specs of how it was all accomplished are available here, if you care). In honor of this most improbable celebrity parenthood, we thought we'd compare and contrast Clay's siring achievement to that of another unlikely new dad, Matthew McConaughey:

Legendary talent manager and producer Bernie Brillstein died Thursday after months of battling complications from heart disease; he was 77. Credited with influential (and lucrative) deals for clients including Jim Henson and the geniuses who brought you Hee Haw, Brillstein was perhaps best known for nurturing John Belushi's rising star before his own devastating death in 1982.From his start in the William Morris mailroom to his powerhouse partnership with Brad Grey, Brillstein needed three memoirs just to sort his stories out; as such, we don't even know where to start on our favorites here. Would it be his fatherhood of the "executive producer" credit he established while packaging and selling hit shows? His insatiable appetite and fantastic lust? His shepherding of Animal House and The Blues Brothers through Universal and early defense (maybe even rescue) of Saturday Night Live from the NBC ax? Or it could be any number of the other stories referenced and cross-referenced between Variety, a particularly fun tribute at Tabloid Baby ("I’d like to fuck that Drew Barrymore. Oooh.”) and Nikki Finke, who notes that Grey and Lorne Michaels are arranging a memorial service for Brillstein next week. Consider this our own: Thanks for the memories, Bernie — even Hee Haw. You'll be missed. [Photo Credit: WireImage]

A dejected Lindsay Lohan moped around after a less than stellar shopping trip in Los Angeles. Lohan accompanied long time companion Samantha Ronson on the trip to celebrate the Queen Of The Fedoras' 31st birthday. Lohan wanted to end the birthday trip as soon as she discovered that the shopping center contained no stores that sold Lohan's life fuel: cigarettes and leggings. Using her "But, It's My Birthday" trump card, Ronson continued to shop as Lohan sulked along.

Some things are simply too fragile for this world, and so it goes with our newfound toleration for Paris Hilton. After building up unexpected goodwill with her on-point McCain rebuttal, Hilton has immediately moved to quash the memory of those kudos with a mercenary cash grab: she's rushing out a line of "Paris for President" T-shirts (to be sold exclusively at Kitson, natch). E's Marc Malkin has more on this flagrant abuse of the campaign finance system:

Having played everything in his long career from Barbra Streisand's sodomy-repressing patient in The Prince of Tides to a hook-handed war diarist in the upcoming Tropic Thunder, it seems a small tragedy that the single image most associated with permagrizzled thespian Nick Nolte is his infamous mugshot. Generally regarded as the gold standard to which all celebrity booking photos are held, there was virtually no aspect of the portrait that failed to convey a purity of wrongness: the sunken features, the pained grimace, the waterlily print buttoned up to the neck, and, of course, that shock of stringy chaos atop his head, defying all laws of physics as if fashioned by some oversugared pre-schooler out of a box of golden pipe-cleaners. Entire post-graduate seminars were dedicated to exploring its mysteries and beauty. So imagine our shock when the model himself finally revealed the true story behind its conception on The Tonight Show. This wasn't a mugshot at all, it turns out, but Nolte's selfless contribution to the Sacramento Policemen's Annuity and Benefit Fund.

Pint size hottie/High School Musical trilogy star Zac Efron learned the right way to tip on the DL while at the airport on Thursday. While Efron was all set to slip a twenty into the pocket of his sky cap (a trick he learned from watching Hollywood A-Listers like Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler), an older gentleman who happened to be nearby instead instructed the Hairspray star about the proper way to tip. The gentleman shook Efron's hand and when Efron pulled it back, he discovered a twenty in his hand. Efron was baffled and amazed by the bill and asked the man where he learned it. The gentleman explained that he caught an episode of Friends in college and the rest has been history.

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to what's new, noteworthy and/or totally stillborn this week at the movies. For the second straight week, The Dark Knight has a legitimate challenger for box-office supremacy, while a smattering of other releases — including one of the year's best documentaries — reinforce this summer's unusually strong vintage. Even the latest DVD's are impressive. Who knew? So screw the Olympics and read on for the real must-sees; as always, our opinions are our own, but with 99.999996% accuracy, we wouldn't have it any other way.

· There's an art to gorging on a casino buffet dessert station, and YouTube's Feeder-Scene Queen Deidrababe is going to walk you through it, blondie by blondie. Deidra: You have a standing offer to do premiere spread reviews for us. [Deidrababe's YouTube Channel]
· Well, it seems someone heard our appeal to reason in the Trade Roundup today: Variety is reporting Brad Pitt has signed on for Inglorious Bastards. Pitt. Novak. Roth. The Weinsteins are back! [Variety]
· As Playgirl publishes its last hard edition, a gallery of some of their greatest covers. We know we've rubbed many a one out to Alan Thicke's sensual mullet and the sultry divorce-porn of Kramer Vs. Kramer. [GiggleSugar.com]
· Lil' Kim's karaoke party ends in the bludgeoning death of both a woman and at least one performance of "Don't Stop Believin'." [AP]
· Hey, look everyone! It's the new Quantum of Solace poster! [RR]

Clothing Exchange! Katie Holmes isn't simply a robot with human emotions — no, she's also a style icon. Whether it's her sunglasses, hairstyles, or leggings, she's always been at the forefront of Scientologist chic...which is what made us question these baggy, rolled-up jeans she's been sporting lately while rehearsing for her Broadway debut. Now, finally, Us Weekly breaks the story wide open: Holmes is merely wearing the jeans of her husband, Tom Cruise — and isn't that the fun part of being a couple? As for the rolled-up ankles, we'll leave that to Us: "A reason Holmes has been rolling them up? She's 5'9" and Cruise is 5'7"." [Us Weekly, Photo Credit: Splash]

On the defensive after appearing in a Snickers commercial yanked for homophobia due to its swishy speedwalker, 80's icon Mr. T appeared on The O'Reilly Factor and made it up to gays everywhere the only way he knows how: with glorious, glorious camp. The arm-wrestling brawler immediately produced a long-winded, written defense which he then read from on air; highlights include the passages, "I have been pitying fools for 28 years, Biiiiiill," "Speedwalking is an Olympic sport," and desperate pleas for someone, anyone, to talk to "SPEEDWALKA!" for his reaction. T particularly triggered our sympathy (not pity, we leave that to the experts) when he whined, "On The A-Team, I called the bad guys a disgrace because they was harassin' helpless people. No problems. No complaints." Too true, T. Compared to GLAAD, those bad guy lobbyists really need to get it together. [Amy Proctor Blog]

Remember the ole five second rule of the schoolground? You know, the one that said that you had a full five seconds to pick up a piece of food that you dropped on the ground before it became infested with cooties? Well, yeah, we're pretty sure that rule doesn't apply when one person is chewing gum and hands it to the other person to devour. But such is life when you're young, fabulous and shooting this evening's installment of Defamer To Do's. Won't you join Molls and Ed on their wonderful, gumswapping adventure?· Clue at the Hollywood Fight Club Theater. · The Faint at the Henry Fonda Musicbox Theater. · Spoken Funk at The Comedy Union.

You know when Madonna's gimpish brother writes a scandalous tell-all about his sister, and even we—diehard Madonna fans for life, despite the fact that we can't particularly stand her—can't even be bothered to scan the dustcover, your little media ploy's in trouble. So you take measures. You adapt. You hop on the blogwagon! And that allows you to self-publish all the really scandalous stuff your publisher's legal department wouldn't let you put in print. Like this 1993 anecdote in which Madonna shits herself in her Dita costume during rehearsals for her Erotica tour:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Pauly Shore awkwardly engage Francis Ford Coppola in conversation at a Vegas nightclub.