This image was lost some time after publication.

You know when Madonna's gimpish brother writes a scandalous tell-all about his sister, and even we—diehard Madonna fans for life, despite the fact that we can't particularly stand her—can't even be bothered to scan the dustcover, your little media ploy's in trouble. So you take measures. You adapt. You hop on the blogwagon! And that allows you to self-publish all the really scandalous stuff your publisher's legal department wouldn't let you put in print. Like this 1993 anecdote in which Madonna shits herself in her Dita costume during rehearsals for her Erotica tour:

Madonna walks in later that day looking very sad and disoriented. I would say she is drunk but she doesn't drink.

She says, "Lets start from the beginning" and gets what we call her "Dita" gear on and gets a hold of her whip. She can't even balance herself on stage and Nikki Harris, her backup singer, suggests to Madonna that she sit down for a little bit. Madonna then walks over to Nikki and starts hitting her with the whip while crying her guts out. Nikki is shocked at first but then screams, "What are you doing?" Madonna then drops to the ground, face first. All of us look at Madonna, then each other, then at Madonna again. We noticed that she has pooped in her "Dita" outfit and think she is dead. Despite being bitchwhipped by Madonna, Nikki Harris is the first person to run over to her. "She's got a pulse," Nikki indicates and turns Madonna over.

Well, that gives the lie to our long-held misconception that Madonna doesn't defecate at all, but rather uses every last nutrient of her strict, 750-macrobiotic-calorie diet, with any negligible amounts of translucent waste material simply secreted through her pours to give her complexion that trademark "glow" effect. Suddenly, the singer's stringent backstage toilet-seat requirements make a lot more sense—never again will she allow herself to be put in the vulnerable position of having to crap her corset. Bonus Scatalogical Madonna Fun: How about a round of The Poop Replace Game: Madonna Song Title Edition? We'll get you started: "Quicker Than A Ray of Poop" "Get Into The Poop" "Gonna Dress You Up In My Poop" "4 Minutes To Save The Poop" "Papa Don't Poop"