Though the new 90210 has booked Jennie Garth for a major recurring role and relegated Shannen Doherty to only a handful of episodes, it's the latter who merits "icon" status according to this brand-new CW promo. In it, Doherty shows up in special new footage taped just for you (but not for you, Tori), coyly flipping her hair as she asks the camera, "Miss me?" While we do, Shannen, we must remind you that there's someone in the 90210 cast who tops even you in our estimation: Jessica Walter, aka Lucille freakin' Bluth. While we're certain that she's the last actor the CW cares to build a promo around (even Mark the Cobrasnake would probably get one first), to us, she's the show's true, alcoholic icon. CW, hear our cry for footage of Walter, or we'll be forced to mount a "Save our Bluths" campaign the likes of which even EW cannot contain. [The CW]

The pitter-patter of little feet is getting kind of annoying today at Defamer HQ, where news of not one, not two, not three, but four celebrity pregnancies and/or births have us hand-delivering sex-ed pamphlets to front desks everywhere from CAA to ICM. Even in this uncertain era of creative gas-rationing and looming SAG strikes, Hollywood seed is flying, and nowhere is it landing more conspicuously than in the always-competitive sphere comprising Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; just when Damon and wife Luciana had welcomed Gia Zavala Damon into the cruel, cruel world, Garner confirmed her pregnancy with her and Affleck's own second child. Then, as the rivals regrouped to plot their escalation, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went and blobbed at Cedars-Sinai:

Though he can usually be found perched upon his yacht in the still, blue waters of Lake Como, even a movie star like George Clooney must occasionally climb inside a car like a common plebe. When he does, accidents happen (though none on the level of Ocean's Twelve), and they could happen to you — that is, if you're an unnamed woman in Pennabilli, Italy. According to Showbiz Spy, Clooney recently rear-ended the woman (ahem) and he made it up to her in a major way:

Breaking the Spell: As we mentioned last week, the soul-shattering news that Warner Bros. planned to bump Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to Summer 2009 was met with instant derision, scorn and boycott petitions in the global Potter fan community. In between counting his Dark Knight cash and stuffing it in envelopes addressed to Fox, however, studio boss Alan Horn drafted a memo to assuage a billion broken hearts: "Many of you have written to me to express your disappointment," he begins. "Please be assured that we share your love for Harry Potter and would certainly never do anything to hurt any of the films. ... The decision to move [Potter] was not taken lightly, and was never intended to upset our Harry Potter fans. We know you have built this series into what it is, and we thank you for your ongoing enthusiasm and support." Next up for Horn: That long-overdue apology to EW. [Hollywood Newsroom]

Won't someone stand up for a poor, beleaguered pornographer like Joe Francis? These days, his Spitzer-related paydays are too few and far between, and the ex-jailbird spends most of his time battling lawsuits filed on behalf of women who appeared in his Girls Gone Wild videos while underage. Now, Francis is fighting back against what he dubs "southern justice gone awry," filing his own lawsuit in Los Angeles County Court that alleges a massive, breast-baring conspiracy cooked up by teenage girls and U.S. District Judges alike. In fact, according to THR, Esq:

Because there's nothing we like more than to connect eco-conscious Southland commuters with vehicle-equipped skirtlessness-enthusiasts, we now pass along this Craigslist ad featuring a fresh spin on shared rides:

No, silly. Not the boudoir. But since we've been treated to tours of virtually every room in Molly McAleer's spacious manse this week, we thought it was high time to do an MTV Cribs style tour of, you guessed it, Molly's fridge. If you've been wondering what kind of sustenance fuels the nightly To Do's on Defamer, wonder no more. From oysters flown in fresh from PEI to the delectable truffles hailing from the Tuscan province, take a whirl through her Frigidaire (and take a gander at what's going on in Los Angeles this evening) after the jump. Enjoy!· Kosher Komedy at the Laugh Factory. · Christmas is Ruined at UCB. · Bury the Dead at the Substation. · The Walkmen at the Troubadour.

As a fitting companion-piece to our passionate defense of all things Seacrest, we offer you now, as if a precious time-capsule sent to us from the near future, a glimpse at the approximately 11 million American Idol hopefuls who swarmed the East Rutherford Government Cheese Distribution Center and Unemployment Gardens for a shot at greatness. Yes, any two of these adorable, undiscovered talents might face off in the show's grand finale: Will it be the girl in the plush Mickey Mouse-top hat? The triple-prophesied blue-eyeshadow lady? Only time, and countless Paula Abdul concussion-inducing blackouts, will tell. In the meanwhile, have a little fun by filling in your own Simon Cowell dream-dismantling one-liners: "You sound like your state smells." Go ahead—try it. It's fun! [Yahoo Video]

Tongues were wagging on the set of Ugly Betty on Thursday morning when bystanders were asked to answer the age-old question: Was that a pick or a scratch? A fistfight nearly broke out at the craft service table between two crew members with differing opinions, but fortunately a makeup artist intervened and restored order to the chaotic situation. The makeup artist said, "Tony, you're right. It's a scratch, but we don't have to knock the hummus over because of it."

"Scandalism" is all the rage these days in London, where the hottest gossip of the day is found in neither Fleet Street rags nor blogs but rather spray-painted on the very walls of its subjects' homes. Exhibit A: Sienna Miller, whose recent, only slightly immodest dalliance with married father Balthazar Getty (among other tormented ex-flames) may or may not have prompted the scandalism above, which materialized on Miller's home late one recent evening. The ensuing investigation is going pretty much as sluggishly you'd expect; we're told a reward is available for information leading to the culprit's capture and conviction, just as soon as Nottingham is green lit again.

Back Together: After Britney Spears skipped out on plans to record a Timbaland-helmed duet with Justin Timberlake for her last album (hmmm, maybe she's been busy?) the NY Post reports that the pop singer and Timberlake are finally set to reunite for her album due later this year. Though the Post calls it a "long-awaited duet," we have to wonder: haven't they already recorded one together? Not that we knew that or anything, it just...happened to come up when we Googled "Britney duet." OK, fine, we'll admit it. We knew about it already. You've caught us Cheeto-handed. [NY Post]

While we have to say were taken slightly aback by the addition of limp-flippered velvet-slug mafioso Capote the Hutt to the Star Wars character universe, we were even more surprised to learn from a Defamer operative that the Lucas brand—Synonymous with Quality Intergalactic Family Entertainment Since 1977™—harbors other...how should we put this diplomatically...C3POic tendencies? They write:

Last week's debut of Defamer Answers seemed to go reasonably well, with our survey of the phenomenon that is The Jonas Brothers provoking rich discussion among fans, enemies and baffled cultural observers alike. This week's edition finds us contemplating a far less-heated subject whose profile is surging nevertheless: Courtenay Semel, an entertainment industry scion and B-list lesbian whose exploits have landed her everywhere from reality TV to the interior of Lindsay Lohan's pants over the last three years. But her recent detention in Vegas after a drunken, assaultive visit to Caesar's Palace is what really compelled our consideration here: Who is this Hebrew hellcat, anyway? After the jump, learn everything worth knowing about Semel's climb to sort-of fame.I. KNOW YOUR SEMELS Courtenay, 28, is one of three daughters born to billionaire ex-Warner Bros/Yahoo! chief Terry Semel and Jane Bovingdon Semel, a former secretary to Susan George. She attended the Loomis Chaffee School in Windsor, Conn., before abandoning education for... we don't know. This is a historical gap we have yet to fill in; suggestions are welcome. Regardless, she's clearly been doing some philosophizing over the decades, culminating in the powerful declaration of principles held forth below: II. KNOW HER CANON Courtenay got her start in 1991, portraying the crucial role of "Bratty Kid" in the Bruce Willis flop Hudson Hawk. Her 2000 follow-up — the never-released indie thriller Sweetie Pie — is best known for a cast also including Paris Hilton, Whitestarr vocalist Cisco Adler and the offspring of Dustin Hoffman and Kelsey Grammer. Her "break" (and all of ours, really, if we're being honest) came when she was cast alongside childhood friend Kourtney Kardashian, George Foreman III, Fabian Basabe, Brittny Gastineau, Shanna Ferrigno and other nepotism all-stars on the 2005 E! series Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive. The show featured Courtenay and Co. skipping the boilerplate South Beach coke getaways for a bit of reality-TV ranch-handery. Sadly, due in part to reasons listed below, it was not renewed for a second season. III. KNOW HER ACCOLADES Courtenay's otherworldly bitchy contribution to FR:CD was roundly commended by critics who cited her distinctive look ("like an overfed mutant chipmunk") and her performance as a "brattier, PMS’ing version of Haley Joel Osmond [sic]" — outmaneuvering even Basabe as the worst human being the show had to offer. Word is her father was happy with the performance in Hudson Hawk as well, but as of press time he has not responded to Defamer's requests for official comment. IV. KNOW HER STYLE Spoiled lipstick-lesbian chic, at once aggressively designed and thoroughly disposable — all spangles, trash, heels and hair.

· Ben Affleck will star in Mike Judge's Extract, about the trials and tribulations of "a flower extract factory owner." We know the punchline is "Ow My Essence of Citrus Blossom!" We're just not sure how the rest goes. [Variety] · The Zurich Film Festival will bestow their highest honor, The Golden Herring, upon the franchise-defibrillating achievements of aging action mercenary, Sylvester Stallone. [Variety] · NBC Universal has acquired U.K.'s Carnival Film & Television, the first step in their ruddily cherubic child-king's seven-year plan towards world domination. [THR] · The House Bunny and Legally Blonde writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith have sold ABC Studios a script for a potential series based on their "champagne-and-therapy-fueled" creative process. Working title: Set-Ups and the City. (Now who wants a show about our malt-beverage-and-hackery-fueled creative process?) [THR] · Lifetime ordered six episodes of Blonde Charity Mafia, a documentary series about young fundraising socialites in D.C. Couldn't they have squeezed the word "Sluts" in the title somewhere? That would have really sold it. [Variety]

There are TV characters you hate to love, and then there are those whose love you hate. TV Guide writer Damien Holbrook tackles the latter in the magazine's upcoming feature, "Top 10 Most Annoying TV Couples," which details the most aggravating, chemistry-free romances ever foisted on television by a hubris-stricken showrunner. Did your least favorite couple make the list? Will Katherine Heigl make her beloved Joshua forward the article to the Grey's Anatomy writers? Results and analysis, after the jump:First, the runners-up: No. 10 – Rob & Amber, Survivor No. 9 – Sara & Grissom, CSI No. 8 – Ryan & Marissa, The O.C. No. 7 – Trista & Ryan, The Bachelorette No. 6 – Kate & Jack, Lost No. 5 – Billy & Alison, Melrose Place No. 4 – Clark & Lana, Smallville No. 3 – Boris & Natasha, The Bullwinkle Show (ed. note: ???) And the top two, excerpted from TV Guide:

In addition to catching an eyeful of Megan Fox upon his return to the Transformers set, Shia LaBeouf also received a very thorough and meticulous ass buffing with an industrial strength feather duster. In the midst of his ass buffing, LaBeouf said, "Michael Bay really knows how to make an actor feel welcomed. At first, it's a weird sensation, but after awhile, it feels like a tiny kitten delightfully romping in a dewy meadow." Although, the first shot of the day was delayed for a couple of moments when the crew realized that LaBeouf enjoyed his buffing a bit too much.

Yes, you read that headline correctly, and now you can experience the magic for yourselves. This comes to us via Videogum, and it appears (sniff) to be some sort of portal into (whimper, voice crack) Trump's brilliant, wealth-accumulating mind via your TV at 4 a.m. (sooooobbbbb). After the jump, an equally insane clip about Trump's love of red meat—a point he's driven home before on The Apprentice, if we're not mistaken, in a lyrical metaphor for sexual preference that compared enjoying gay sex to eating spaghetti.

The Horse Actorer. We think we finally have some solid evidence as to what was afoot with Batman's weird-sounding voice in The Dark Knight: He was neighing! "I love horses. I've learned from them," he told a Japanese reporter recently. "Once you master a horse — but it also masters you — you gain more confidence in yourself." [AFP/Yahoo]

If you're one of those people who still resist the tractor-beam allure of Ryan Seacrest, we strongly encourage you to just relax and submit. We'll admit—there was a time when we didn't really get it, either. Who was this peroxided munchkin, and why was he being beamed into our subconscious eleven times a week by the shadowy forces of the karoake-industrial complex? But once we let his stardust coat us like a really expensive hair-product, life became so much easier, happier, Seacrestier. His effortlessly upbeat and lightly compassionate air, his ability to identify ladies' shoes not just by designer but by season and model number, the comforting thought that even David Archuleta could take him in a best-out-of-five arm wrestling competition: It all just worked, dare we say to the betterment of society as a whole.You scoff, but think about it. Where were we before he was hatched in a Merv Griffin-underwritten research laboratory somewhere on the NM/AZ border? No, not wealthier in every sense of the word and filled with boundless hope for the future! We were utterly Seacrestless—set adrift on an open red carpet landscape, without a clue as to how to best conduct a Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna interview at the Daytime Emmys without seeming as though we were just biding time until Joy Behar made her way down the press line. So begrudge Ryan not when you read that his ever-expanding empire is expanding some more. Seacrest is more than just a sublime inevitability. He's the mold for a new breed entirely: The mogulsexual, that flawlessly manicured Captain of New Industry, whose blind commitment to embodying all other annoying urban-male neologisms resulted in the steady accumulation of mind-boggling levels of wealth, power, and fame. You don't hate Ryan Seacrest. You want to be Ryan Seacrest. Defamer, out.

Though Scarlett Johansson may be Kanye West's "Favorite White Girl," she's only got eyes for two men: fiancé Ryan Reynolds and presidential candidate Barack Obama. Sadly, her love for one may be interfering with her plans for the other, and this is one situation that even her ménage à trois-promising website can't resolve. According to Showbiz Spy, Johansson may delay her wedding until her unreciprocated email buddy makes it into the Oval Office: