Perhaps mindful that her McCain/Hitler concert montage went over about as well as a soiled dominatrix outfit, pop superstar Madonna has returned to the well that attracted her the most attention this year: her are-they-or-aren't-they flirtation with New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez. Though Madonna's camp had quelled the rumors before by having her step out with husband Guy Ritchie, the director is now overseas shooting Sherlock Holmes, and Us Weekly says that Madonna seized the opportunity to meet up with Rodriguez once more:

We said it once, but it bears repeating in streets and valleys far and wide: It's opening day for Beverly Hills Chihuahua! ZOMG, right? At least we thought so, but despite our all-consuming anticipation and lobbying on its behalf, Defamer's fevered attempts to break down the Disney wall for an early viewing were met with repeated, unappreciative radio silence. And because the world's first review — a rave, natch — seemed suspiciously exempt from the studio's embargo, it's only now that we can reliably study the critical spectrum. And just as we thought: It's almost half-good! Or, more realistically, the reviews catalogued at Rotten Tomatoes are just about split, but that can't deter our optimism — even the slags after the jump have us clamoring for quitting time:

The Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin phenomenon has officially found its absurdist zenith in France (where else), where the daily paper Le Soleil recently printed a photograph of last week's Palin/Couric SNL sketch to accompany a story about Palin's "hesitant, troubled and clumsy" press-handling skills. The minor controversy that ensued had photo source Agence France-Presse scrambling to defend itself Thursday, insisting it had accurately identified Fey and Amy Poehler in the SNL still and that the caption goof was the paper's fault. But really — does it even matter?Frankly, we've never appreciated a French newspaper more than we love Le Soleil at this moment. Sure, SNL can corner the Palin impression market, but it takes a special kind of postmodern zeal to own such willful ignorance of arguably the most famous female politician going right now. We can hardly wait for the next "accident" attributing mythic, messianic public-speaking genius to Democratic presidential contender Fred Armisen. If it hasn't been published already.

From megastars like Matt Damon to Cutting Edge alums like D.B. Sweeney, it seems like every celebrity in Hollywood has an opinion about this November's presidential election. Earlier this week, actress Jessica Alba decided to muzzle herself if that's what it would take to get America to vote (an enticing motivator, though perhaps not as compelling as keeping Diddy out of sight forever). Now, a curiously able-to-speak again Alba has decided to pay it forward, muzzling other celebrities like Heroes star Hayden Panettiere and 90210's Tristan Wilds (is this because he made out with Dakota? Is it?!). Props must be paid to Alba, whose maniacally enthusiastic pitch should probably shoot to the top of her reel. Extra points if she can sew Dane Cook's lips shut next time! The clip, after the jump:

Click to viewBoomp3.com Hip Hop aficionado and dolphin short enthusiast Russell Crowe took to the rough and tumble streets of Beverly Hills to pick up the latest mix CD from his favorite rapper, Supa Soaker. The Body Of Lies star asked Supa Soaker if he sells his mix tapes and CDs on line as a direct digital download. Crowe believed it would increase Soaker’s audience and it would be a lot easier to put onto his iPod. Crowe said, “Mr. Soaker and myself know that Beverly Hills is full of hardcore hip hop fans, but I believe he’s limiting his commercial appeal by focusing primarily in this area. Now, if he was on MySpace or the Friend Book, he might have more fans.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Though pundits like Time's Mark Halperin are claiming that last night's vice presidential debate left Saturday Night Live little to parody (really?), it's hard to imagine that SNL would leave its ratings on the table by ignoring what was perhaps the most-anticipated Sarah Palin event of the entire election year. Now, according to EW's Michael Ausiello, SNL does indeed plan to cover the debate, which leaves it with one problem: the moderator, Gwen Ifill, was a black woman, and SNL still has none in its cast. It's the same problem the variety show has run into when covering Michelle Obama, and just as rumors flew that Lorne Michaels had approached Maya Rudolph about that role, SNL has its sights set on a very specific Ifill impersonator who's not a member of the actual cast:

· We were just thinking last night how the market is clamoring for more dramas about the folly of marriage. Luckily, Liev Schreiber and Helen Hunt were available for the latest one, Every Day, shooting this month in New York. Should be a hoot. [Variety] · Last Samurai and Blood Diamond helmer Edward Zwick will visit ShowEast to receive the Kodak Award for Excellence in Coming Up Short in Awards Season Every Two or Three Years. Truly, he is a master. [Variety] After the jump: George Romero revives the dead, AMC goes to Mars and Megan Fox gets her impact gauged. Hot!· Bryan Singer should love this: A new study indicates that the most expensive films to produce are generally the most profitable in the long run. [THR] · Flexing its intergalactic genre muscle once more, AMC is in talks to develop the sci-fi novel Red Mars as a series. [THR] · Who are among those young stars receiving career report cards in Variety 2008 Youth Impact Report? Try Blake Lively, The Jonas Brothers, Megan Fox and — wait for it — Thor Bradwell. Indeed, if repping High School Musical talent doesn't work out, that is a name made for porn. [Variety] · George A. Romero is quietly shooting a new zombie film about an isolated island where dead relatives return to eat their kin. Working title: Lucasfilm. [Variety]

Click to viewBoomp3.com Die hard Beatles and botox fan Sharon Stone washed away the drama of the week’s events with a nice tall glass of Pellegrino at lunch with a friend on Thursday. Stone believed it was perfect okay to have a glass of the Italian mineral water with her meal. Stone said, “One glass isn’t going to kill me. If anything, it’s going to make me healthier with all those minerals and stuff.” [Photo Credit: Flynet] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Back when Rosie O'Donnell left The View, many industry watchers predicted the program would quickly return to its safe, easygoing roots (and that ratings would dive as a result). Oh, how they underestimated the Hasselbeck! The election year has provoked The View's resident Republican into a lather almost daily, whether she's obfuscating about Barack Obama or calling an unlikely moratorium on Sarah Palin discussion. In fact, things have gotten so heated lately that rampant speculation had Hasselbeck headed for Fox News, forcing her agent to issue a statement today:

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly guide to everything new, thrilling and thoroughly unnecessary at the movies. And we've got plenty of each to go around today as seven films are opening or expanding on 1,000 or more screens, a pair of Oscar-chasing indies open small and a legion of talking dogs threaten to overtake the box office. You can't say we didn't warn you. So read on for our picks, poxes and DVD alternatives for those of you too overwhelmed to face the multiplex. We feel your pain. As always, our opinions are our own, but with unfailing taste and accuracy like this, why argue?WHAT'S NEW: This is the week we've been waiting for since May, when Disney ignored our urgent plea to immediately release Beverly Hills Chihuahua from its high-camp captivity. And now that it's here, we're kind of over it; blame it on last month's chihuahua-only sneak preview. Not like the sadists at Disney need us: BHC is this week's only new family release and will do business accordingly, setting up for around $32.3 million over the three-day. The Michael Cera/Kat Dennings effort Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist will ride teens and the date crowd to about $17 million, which still won't be enough to overtake Eagle Eye for second place. Nothing else will break $10 million; Greg Kinnear's windshield-wiper biopic (!) Flash of Genius is on too few screens, Julianne Moore's dodgy drama Blindness will fall victim to the angry blind lobby, and Ed Harris's expanding Western Appaloosa couldn't find traction when it was on 1,000 screens, let alone 2,000. Most of the remaining release slate looks like a gang of orphans hassling tourists for change: Jia Zhangke's acclaimed Still Life; the timely, revealing political doc Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story, Rutger Hauer's psychological love-triangle drama Mentor; Obscene, the story of Grove Press publisher Barney Rosset; the Muslim stand-up concert film Allah Made Me Funny, and the Iraq-vet basket case drama The Violent Kind. THE BIG LOSER: MGM's hard-luck streak looks likely to continue with How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, the adaptation of Toby Young's thinly-veiled bestseller about his misadventures in the Conde Nast empire. It won't fail for lack of trying — at least not with a cast including Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox and Jeff Bridges rocking his best Graydon Carter impression — and a month ago, in less-congested times, this may have even had some multiplex leverage. But in this glut, with the reviews it's receiving and audience awareness less than half of what it needs to be, expect a $3 million opening and quick dispatch to DVD. Where, in fairness, the Fox connection will more than make up for it stillbirth at the box office.

So that movie Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist is out today, and look! It's getting very good and pretty good reviews! Well that's good for little Michael Cera and Kat Dennings, the fawn-faced stars of the emo-queercore-fake New York City romp film about two Stars-crossed lovers who enjoy a wild night on the LES in pursuit of good music, good lovin', and a drunk girl. Yeah. It's nice. I haven't seen it yet, but I already fucking hate it. Why do I hate it? How could I possibly hate a movie that features the lovable sameness of another Cera performance, a hip and faggy supporting cast (there's a dude from Spring Awakening in it!), and a whole senior year road trip to Six Flags' worth of jangly and twee pop rock thinkin' muziks? Well, actually, I hate it for those reasons and I hate it because it's all a big lie. And, also, I'm maybe getting older and no longer feel represented by movies about "young folks." It's like that movie Juno (also starring Cera!) which was so grating and cloying and icky-sticky about disaffected yoots and their homogenized, leafless, generic-brand environs—why am I watching an advertisement for something a sane person wouldn't want to buy? The banality of suburbia isn't relatable when it's stereotyped. It's only relatable when it's real, and in the real world, people don't put living room sets on people's front lawns. Plus, when at any point in high school did you want to hang out with the music kids? They were just as pretentious and stupid as anyone else—they didn't possess some wise, warm knowingness about the world that prompts adults to learn things about themselves. They were pimply and ugly and unwashed and gruff and annoying, just like the rest of us! They didn't drive charming little Yugo cars and say funny, stammery things. I mean, they said funny stammery things, but it was like only a joke to people three rings out of their circle. I guess I just wish that kids could still be kids, and not slinking, faux-riot grrl ciphers or minnowy virgin boys with soft mushy hearts. Seventeen-year-olds just aren't that complex. The funny thing about a rebellious, anti-establishment man movie like this is that it's actually the exact same thing as Gossip Girl—silly, aspirational garbage about grownups in kid suits—only funked up and dragged downtown to appeal to arty teenagers that will be saddened by the film (because they'll never have that, never ever! I promise!) and to people in their 20's and 30's who will falsely remember high school as being just like that when, in fact, they had three friends (their names were John, George, and Judy) and on Saturdays they went to the movies and on Sundays they did their homework and they got drunk at Cindy Mitzner's party that one time and man oh man it was wild. Y'know? It's all one big lie, this movie I haven't seen yet and only know a little about. Sure John Hughes lied and Richard Linklater lied and Amy Heckerling lied, but they did so with style and without that sort of savvy young hipshit wearing jeans and a skinny tie in a sprawling loft office on lower Broadway making a coy marketing pitch kind of thing. Do I make any sense here? Am I just pissing into the wind? Probably not and probably yes, respectively. Either way, I'm totes seeing it on Sunday.

· Excuse the brief Defamer PSA, but please do your part on behalf the local medical professionals being cruelly stiffed by Medicaid — especially Dr. Richard Frankenstein, who's featured in today's accompanying news video. He hasn't paid his nurse Igor in months. [KABC] · At least until Diablo Cody pawns her Oscar, Letters to E.T. is hands-down the standout thrift-store find of 2008. [The Plog] · And until we can get our fall fashion guide in order, we'll pass you off to LA style authority "VideoJew" for the season's essential couture tips. Take it away, Jay! [Jewish Journal] · Looking for alternate view on yesterday's Watchmen preview you read about here earlier? No? Oh. Well, just in case. [Thompson on Hollywood] · We could take or leave Steven Soderbergh's four-hour Che after seeing it this week, but don't accept our word for it: AFI Fest will host its West Coast premiere at Grauman's Chinese. Tickets go on sale Oct. 10. [AFI Fest] · Anyway, what are you still doing here? It's Palin time! [Vice-Presidential Debate]

One of the advantages of being a self-contained media emperor also happens to be one of that job's thorniest disadvantages: You are on the hook for everything. Take Tyler Perry, whose ability to print money you'll already have gleaned from reading our probing Defamer Answers study: Between grossing $225 million in three years at the box office and nabbing a $200 million deal for his syndicated series House of Payne, this weekend's opening of his new Tyler Perry Studios outside Atlanta should have been a landmark occasion for the formerly homeless hyphenate and occasional cross-dressing superstar. Instead, we hear the WGA is helping to organize a strike action on behalf of four of Perry's former writers at Payne, who have alleged they were fired Tuesday after attempting to unionize the show's staff since April to acquire health and pension benefits. Not very Christlike, Tyler!The writers said Perry warned them weeks ago to "be careful about pushing the WGA deal or you could be replaced.” Now a grievance is on file with the National Labor Relations Board, and the Tyler Perry Four are lobbying invited guests to either join them Saturday on the picket line or skip the fête altogether. This is a civil rights issue, after all, according to a release dispatched this afternoon by the WGA:

Tonight's the night that the shrill harpies who populate The View have been carping about since late August. Yes, that's right, it's the first time the citizens of the United States get to see Sarah Palin in a completely unedited (and mostly unscripted) setting. Being the politically savvy site that we are, we approached the most politically savvy wonk that we have in our MobileMe contact book, Glen The Coffee Bean Guy, to get his thoughts on these crucial debates. It's riveting stuff, people. Enjoy!· Kurt Wagner at the Echoplex. · Hank Willis Thomas at the Hammer Museum. · Hello Dragon at the Fold.

The steady rollout of Dakota Fanning 2.0 continues apace as the young actress hit up Oprah today to promote her new drama, The Secret Life of Bees. As a pre-teen, Fanning sometimes came off as robotically overprepared on the talk show circuit, but she felt much more relatable on Oprah — perhaps a pleasant side effect from the fact that she's now eschewed home schooling to attend an actual high school. Typically, the studious Fanning isn't about to half-ass that, either; she's joined the cheerleading team, and Oprah's got the picture to prove it. Abigail Breslin, eat your heart out! Also, after the jump, Fanning discusses shooting the film's kissing scene — with Dixon from 90210, of all people. Silver's gonna be pissed!

Appraisals and appreciations of Paul Newman haven't been in especially short supply since his death last weekend; Robert Redford even got two chances at a eulogy, with his ABC rough draft giving way to an essay in the new issue of Time Magazine. We love a good Butch and Sundance/Sting story as much as the next grieving viewer, but nothing has yet proved as illuminating as Sam Mendes's reminiscence rolling out in next week's New York Magazine. The last man to direct Newman in a feature film, Mendes may not have acquired decades' worth of personal dirt to dig through, but with veteran cinematographer Connie Hall on the set, he didn't really need it:

On John McCain's last fundraiser jaunt through Hollywood, he attracted a motley crew of the men and women who make up the industry's smallest club: Republicans. Hollywood titans like Wilford Brimley, Craig T. Nelson, and Jon Cryer (who was just gathering information!) all turned out to support the candidate who thinks "celebrity" is a dirty word and has the endorsement roster to prove it. So what glittering surprises did McCain have up his sleeve for last night's McCain/Palin fundraiser across the street from CAA? Let's take a look!

Click to viewBoomp3.com Bosom buddies Lindsay “Flame702” Lohan and Samantha “Rizzo” Ronson made a triumphant and safe return home to Los Angeles early on Thursday morning. The terrific twosome rushed home to host a Vice Presidential debate party, one in which they fully intend to boo and yell, “What a dummy!” whenever Palin answers a question. Ronson said, “Palin... Don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started.” And after the debate, the fantastic twosome intends to shout “Manny” while the Dodgers/Cubs game is on. [Photo Credit: Flynet] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In fairness, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull doesn't have much going for it in terms of viral marketing potential; it's not as though Ow Shia's Balls brand jockstraps or My First Carnivore Ant Farm sets were on backorder when the film opened last May. But one savvy (if completely incongruous) cross-promotion has indeed sold out in advance of Indy 4's DVD release Oct. 14: Crystal Head Vodka, pimped by unassuming pitchman and Indy franchise alum Dan Aykroyd on a Web site making the rounds today. Despite the overall conceptual stupidity that uncannily mirrors the film it intends to sell, the set-up nevertheless extends all the way to a popular liquor site that turns you away when adding Crystal Head to your cart. So relax, parents! It's safe for your kids — or at least safer than Scooby-Doo's disastrous Rummy Rum Rum!™ tie-in from a few years back. Matthew Lillard still hasn't recovered from that one. [Crystal Head Vodka]

Though Tina Fey's impression of Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live has proven to be the ratings gift that keeps on giving, it's another, earlier SNL vice presidential satire that still holds the number-one place in our hearts. In advance of tonight's heavily-anticipated debate we thought we'd revisit that 1992 sketch, which saw Ross Perot (Dana Carvey) put his running mate, Admiral James Stockdale (Phil Hartman), out to pasture — literally. Though Stockdale became infamous for his self-introduction at the vice presidential debate — "Who am I, and why I am here?" — we'd wager that the actual memory has been eclipsed in time by Hartman's booming bark. The sketch, after the jump: