Click to viewBoomp3.com Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen is just another celebrity to be added to the list of individuals copping with an irrational fear. While her fear isn’t as debilitating as egomaniac/talk show host Tyra Banks’ fear of dolphins or any other celebrities’ fear of running into Gary Busey, Momsen suffers from a fear of giant talking fried foods. A special screening of the sex comedy Sex Drive served as an intervention for Momsen so she could finally face her fear. Before descending down the red carpet, Momsen, who was breathing heavily, slowly approached the donut, but quickly turned tail as soon as the donut said, “Hola.” When asked for a comment, the giant donut said, “I scare a lot of people. It’s okay. Then again, a lot of people want to eat me. So, it evens itself out." [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Sad News: 37-year-old actor Guillaume Depardieu (son of Gerard) has died from complications linked to a sudden case of pneumonia. The younger Depardieu was a French movie star in his own right (though he may be best-known to U.S. audiences for his unsimulated sex scenes in the controversial import Pola X); he snagged the Cesar award for "most promising young actor" in 1996. Condolences all around. [AP]

The Dept. of Forgone Conclusions forwarded a memo this morning confirming that DreamWorks has settled with Universal as its new distribution partner for the next five years, officially ending months of speculation and finally slicing the last thread connecting the 'Works to its exes at Paramount. The partnership reinstates Steven Spielberg and Stacey Snider's working relationship with their old friends at the studio, but far more more importantly, it sets up a potential blood feud with a nemesis no one dares face when push comes to shove.After all, it's hard enough facing a happy Brian Grazer, whose Imagine Entertainment is also headquartered on the Uni lot, where it cranks its own fistful of prestige titles every year. Imagine evil Grazer, suspiciously adapting a Jokeresque grin and pitting his own interns versus DreamWorks assistants in a climactic time-bomb face-off after Snider usurps yet another plum release date for Untitled Shia LaBeouf Sequel. It could happen, reports The New York Times:

· Ridley Scott's first sci fi film since Alien and Blade Runner will be The Forever War, a project delayed for decades over book rights. Please God let it not star Russell Crowe. [Variety] · The 24th Mipcom festival was overshadowed by economic tsuris, but reps from the American TV industry are remaining optimistic, saying, "C'mon—Desperate Housewives catfights are universal and depression-proof. Am I wrong?" [Variety] After the jump: Which agent kissed off WMA, taking her highish-profile client list to UTA?· Rachel Getting Married and Religulous's healthy performance at the box office—to say nothing of Kirk Cameron's fireman-wife-God love triangle movie Fireproof—mark a new Golden Age for specialty cinema. Hooray for Specialtywood! [Variety] · After two weeks of ratings declines, Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters have plateaued. [THR] · Theresa Peters—-the agent of James McAvoy, Kirsten Dunst, Mandy Moore, Joshua Jackson and Jeffrey Dean Morgan—left WMA, and joined UTA as a partner, adding a couple of semi-heavy-hitters to its recent gets of Gwyneth Paltrow, Jennifer Lopez, Miley Cyrus and Seth Green. [THR]

It's been a year and four months since we learned of the dissolution of the marriage of Hollywood superproducer (and lesser-known rising sign) Brian Grazer to his screenwriter/author ex-wife, Gigi Levangie. And while the split was by all reports amicable—never once resulting in Grazer turning to his Cultural Attaché 2.0 in a moment of weakness, and uttering the words, "How about bringing me a Nobel laureate who can figure out a way for me to stop hemorrhaging alimony. Huh? Got one of those in your little idea bag, bigshot?"—the divorce proceedings have splayed open the couple's finances for all the nosy world (that would be you) to see. Details after the jump.

Playboy's presence in The House Bunny went a smidge beyond what most filmgoers would count as garden-variety product placement; the title and marketing materials alone conspicuously invoked Hugh Hefner's registered trademark, and the story — a model ousted from the Playboy Mansion finds redemption with a clan of sorority outcasts — made the magazine integral to its heroine's rich feminist empowerment. So what's a studio's going rate for that kind of feature-length exposure? Details are sketchy but surprising — especially with Playboy making the money — not the gang at Columbia Pictures.A report today in The Guardian points out what we suspected since seeing Hef's long-form commercial in August: The old man cashed in, not only on the use of his brand but also while playing himself as a bereft mogul caught up in the conspiracy that expelled Anna Faris's upbeat Shelly from Eden in the first place. For an undisclosed sum, Hef lent Playboy, the mansion, his girlfriends and his pajamaed self to the producers; in exchange, the studio got the verisimilitude of an authentic break-up inside the 82-year-old's plush redoubt. At least they thought it would be authentic; that centerfold bargaining chip probably won't be enough to entice Holly Madison back to his bed. But hey, close enough. Memo to studios: For a better bang for your buck, next time consult Defamer first. In terms of drama, brand and cheap nudity, trust us — we can swim grotto laps around Playboy.

Most of the attention paid to Jonathan Demme's new film Rachel Getting Married has centered on the Oscar-buzzed lead performance from Anne Hathaway, but many critics are consumed with something the movie treats as a non-event: the fact that the titular Rachel (Rosemarie DeWitt) is marrying a black man, Sidney (Tunde Adebimpe of the band TV on the Radio). The interracial nature of their relationship goes unremarked upon throughout the entire film, and that fact that is vexing several film critics, who dismiss such a notion as a fantasy. Enjoy their thinly veiled discomfort with the shocking idea that white people can marry black people in 2008 without someone giving a speech about it, after the jump!Over at Hollywood Elsewhere, Jeff Wells titled his post about the matter "Not Supposed to Say," claiming that "movie critics haven't come within 20 feet of mentioning this [unremarked-on interracial marriage] in their reviews." We're not sure what critics Wells is reading, but a boatload of the ones we've looked at mention exactly that — and they do it in a way that seems to beg for someone to bestow an aura of au courant hipness on their courageously un-PC observations. Both EW's Owen Gleiberman and New Yorker film critic Anthony Lane take great pains to mention the film's unmentioned racial diversity, though to hear Lane discuss it, it sounds like he'd rather be watching a blunt parable like Crash. "The wedding party is the ultimate guide to Demme’s benign vision: the groom is black, the bride is white, she and her bridesmaids are dressed in saris, [and] nobody so much as mentions race," says Lane. "I don’t know if there were any Republican voters involved in this movie, but, if so, it must have been a lonely time." Ok, yes, some Republicans are racist — but damn, Anthony! Are you really implying that conservatives can never be bred within a cultural melting pot? Worse is Wells, who virtually calls Demme a fetishist of all things African, rattling off some of the black characters Demme has previously included in his oeuvre before concluding:

Click to viewBoomp3.com TV’s number one supercop, David Caruso, put his sharp detective skills to work and finally solved The Mystery of the Great Pumpkin that has been plaguing the L.A. area for the last few years. Tilting his shades down, Caruso said, “Looks like Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater came home to roost,” and off in the distance the familiar strains of The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled” started to play. According to Caruso, the Great Pumpkin wasn’t one giant pumpkin, but multiple pumpkins standing on top of each other while wearing a large orange trench coat. As a reward, Caruso was given his choice of any pumpkin and heaping amount of praise and thanks. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

While we found Andy Samberg's SNL impression of Mark Wahlberg as a sort of less-successful Dr. Doolittle overly preoccupied with sending his regards to farm animals' mothers to be flat out hilarious, not everyone was as amused. For starters, there was Wahlberg himself, who was asked about the sketch several times on the Max Payne interview circuit. In the audio clip above, set to a series of modeling shots and film stills by Defamer videographer Molly McAleer, the Robitussin-abusing star of The Happening seems mildy irritated by the caricaturization:He tells them, "Maybe it was a little jab because I refused to do the show so many times...[It's] not as funny as Hot Rod, but the kid's gotta do what he's gotta do to make a living. I ain't knockin' it. It's all good." Wahlberg hits official Pissed Off levels, however, in an interview with the NY Post:

Though playing Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live has given a huge boost to Tina Fey's already percolating profile, Fey herself is not so keen on the added workload. Already, she has implored the Emmy press room to help vote an end her portrayal on November 5, and now Fey is telling TV Guide that if Palin wins the vice presidency, 30 Rock will have to find brand-new ways to shoot in low-oxygen environments:

It might be a holiday for some of you, but even on Columbus Day, the whip cracks for the number-crunchers and trend-spotters at Defamer HQ. Their work today yields the surprising latest installment of Monday Morning Box Office, in which a low-budget thriller surprised even its own studio and Leonardo DiCaprio is furious after stomping out a flaming bag of chihuahua crap. Read on for the details.1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua — $17.5 million Disney unleashed its vast canine army for a second straight week, prompting mad scientists at competing studios to commence top-secret experiments to engineer another, equally lucrative breed. Word on the street has Miramax taking the early lead with Tribeca Guard Dog, the story of a vicious German Shepherd named Henrik who unexpectedly finds love with a pug who persuades him to let her owner out of captivity in a dank Manhattan editing facility. Scott Rudin will produce, natch. 2. Quarantine — $14.2 million The stunning opening gross for Sony's horror film exceeded its budget by $2 million, thus inheriting the B-schlock mantle from the retiring Saw franchise and guaranteeing another five years of sloppy, utterly forgettable viral marketing. Well done, America. 3. Body of Lies — $13.1 million We never thought we could be accused of being too generous to Ridley Scott's spy-flick folly, but there you have it. 4. Eagle Eye — $11.1 million The Shia LaBeouf thriller sustained exceedingly well in its third weekend, dropping less than 40% percent and inspiring DreamWorks to scour the Hitchcock canon for the third thinly veiled Gen-X updating between their young star and director D.J. Caruso. The front-runner to date: Nutso, one of Hollywood's hottest unproduced scripts, which would feature Shia as a rural motel proprietor on the outs with his mysterious, Klonopin-addled stepmother. A green light is forthcoming as soon as the judge lifts the injunction. 5. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist — $6.5 million Continuing a new tradition, expect the disappointed producers of The Express — the highly touted footbal biopic that nevertheless finished a distant sixth behind Playlist — to launch an inquiry into ticket fraud and other Michael Cera-inspired box-office shenanigans by the end of the day.

DEFAMER HOROSCOPES - OCTOBER 13, 2008 If today - October 13 - is your birthday: Maybe it's time you drop the supportive friend act and just tell Amy that her screenplay is terrible. It will save you having to come up with awkward excuses for not passing it along to your agent uncle and finally reveal to Amy what she's been thinking all along: that you are a total asshole. Libra (September 24 - October 23): Today you will stop putting off important things you meant to do a month ago: register to vote, send your grandpa that thank you note, and attend opening night of Dolly Parton's 9-to-5: The Musical. More star signs after the jump!Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): The career of Richard Dreyfuss, a fellow Scorpio, will show you the ideal lifepath today. As a result, you will survive the figurative man-eating sharks patrolling your office and strengthen your relationship with your figurative deaf son. Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21): The incessant repeating of the phrase "See what I did there?" following every lame joke you make will not endear you to your fellow mailroom employees. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20): Even though your anxiety levels have been rising lately, fear not. Sunday will bring sweeping revelations and new-found clarity on the direction of things to come. Mostly for the characters on AMC's award-winning drama Mad Men. Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): "It's time you quit your lucrative but soul-killing day job and commit to your inner artist" — is what your inner artist would be saying if your inner celebrity dancing show producer hadn't killed him off six seasons ago. Pisces (February 20 - March 20): A long day of pre-production meetings gives way to a long night of listening to your husband complain about his hernia. Aries (March 21-April 20): Though you have been canvassing fiercely around Riverside County and arguing passionately with conservative opponents, the success or failure of Proposition 8 will not affect your life, as you are emotionally unavailable and unable to communicate on a basic level with either sex. Taurus (April 21 - May 21): Don't go to the audition. Seriously. You're never going to get the part and you're just going to sit there with the same 50 people you saw at the last commercial cattle call. Come on. It's depressing and a waste of everyone's time. It wouldn't even look good on your resume. What's on VH1 right now? Gemini (May 22 - June 21): A meet-cute with a beautiful blonde combined with a classic misunderstanding will allow your relationship to flourish in the short-term, but problems loom for you at the End of Act Two/Beginning of Act Three. Cancer (June 22 - July 23): Don't leave Lady Luck waiting at the door. Make sure the receptionist buzzes her in and tells her which conference room contains the executive producer's bachelor party. Leo (July 24 - August 23): You will talk to five important experts today about your new documentary on mental illness and its effect on families of the lower classes of India. Unfortunately, these five expert swill be of little help, as they are members of Aerosmith and have little expertise beyond the realm of rocking your fucking tits off. Virgo (August 24 - September 23): As a Virgo, your tendency towards list-making will keep your life organized in the weeks to come, but will make you equally vulnerable to inclusion in Found Magazine collections.

We're thrilled to announce a new addition to the Defamer team today: Please give a warm welcome to Matt McCluskey and Julie Miller—the devious and hilarious minds behind the UTA Job List blog we posted about not long ago. From their Official Bio&trade:

We've now seen and heard enough of The Wrestler—the Darren Aronofsky-helmed, Mickey Rourke comeback vehicle—to predict with some confidence that come the big night, the hard-knocked star with the lived-in face will have Oscar in a full nelson and begging for mercy. But for those who just can't wait until the Golden Lion-winner's December 19th release date to live for a precious few hours in aging wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson lace-up boots, we offer now a preview scene from the film: In it, The Ram attempts to apologize to his estranged daughter, played by Evan Rachel Wood, in a one-sided, seaside soul-baring that reminded us of Jack Nicholson's Five Easy Pieces peace-making monologue with his mute father.

· We reviewed the landmark faces of SNL past, present and (hopefully not) future. · Indiana Jones was raped. For real this time. · Nick Nolte's Malibu manse burned to the ground; the actor survived, but Carboard Jesus wasn't so lucky. · Where would you rather work: The agency with the gas pump, or the one where you'll be a second assistant's third assistant? Choose carefully. · In case you haven't yet noticed, the travails of Elisabeth Hasselbeck make for great TV. Really, really great TV. · If the fight over The Reader were a cutthroat sandlot game, Scott Rudin just took his ball and went home. · Though Hugh Hefner was busted up for a while when Holly Madison rolled out of his round bed for good, he found a couple reasons to get over it. · The No on 8 campaign rallied support from Julia Louis-Dreyfus, T.R. Knight and our own beloved Molly McAleer. That's so... never mind. · Which recently upped TV exec got his start as a gay porn star? Give up? · Hollywood isn't as recession-proof as it might think it is, but $54 million man Johnny Depp might get through it all right. · Josh Brolin announced he will wear his low-voltage Taser-awareness ribbon to next year's Oscars. · Setting aside her perfectly dreadful new song, Britney Spears's comeback is almost complete! · Hey, look! We're on TV! · Beverly Hills Chihuahua's yappy first weekend kept its conspiracy-minded conservative neighbors up all night Sunday plotting their payback. · Bond girl. 12 fingers. That is all.

· We miss Wonder Showzen: "Raining meat. Just like my nightmares." · Cloris Leachman's amazing year caps off with her appointment as Grand Marshal of the next Rose Parade. That's the power of Cloris 2! · Austin Powers's deadly henchman Random Task has been booked in connection with a 1990 gang rape. The things he can do with that metal hat! · Mr. and Miss J are getting a Top Model spinoff on The CW called Operation Fabulous, which you'll stay home to watch instead of trying out for the football team, crushing your father's dreams in the process. · Strictly for the life-free: The Britney Spears "Womanizer" video will premiere at the end of 20/20 tonight. They're pushing it really hard. Hugh Downs must be rolling in his grave. (He's still alive? Oops.) · Akinator is a genie that can guess any famous character you're thinking of, real or fictional, by asking you 20 questions. First we thought of Spock, and it got it. Then we tried to stump it with Anne of Green Gables. AND IT GOT IT.

Doggone It: John McCain's plans to appear on Late Show with David Letterman appear to be falling through, but the bottom half of his ticket may have finally firmed up her own late-night gig. According to Cindy Adams, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will definitely be appearing on Saturday Night Live at the end of the month. "She has already OK'd it," Adams says confidently. "She's booked. It's confirmed. Done deal. Sketches are being sketched as we speak." Adams says we can expect Palin to cameo on the Oct. 25 episode and that her rehearsal time has already been penciled in for Friday the 24th. Nor word yet on whether Tina Fey has been booked to appear, but if she's too busy, might we suggest Betty White instead? [New York Post]

After a couple of stellar installments spotlighting Kim Kardashian's bad driving and Ryan Gosling's puke aversions, we've been experiencing a bit of a drought on the PrivacyWatch front. And as much as we appreciate this week's contributions — from Sharon Stone's grocery adventures to Nick Nolte's post-traumatic mocha therapy — we have to say: We are thisclose to discontinuing this feature unless we get some motherfucking sightings up on this motherfucking plane. So! For what we hope isn't the last time: Hollywood PrivacyWatch is produced by Defamer readers for Defamer readers, so keep sending us your tips with "PrivacyWatch" "or "sightings" in the subject line. There's no "u" in "surveillance" for nothing. Meanwhile, in addition to Ms. Stone and Mr. Nolte, this installment includes Miley Cyrus, Elijah Wood, Jerry O' Connell, Mario Lopez, Tom Cavanagh, Hank Azaria, Milo Ventimiglia, Joel Madden, and more. Onward!Thursday, Oct. 9 · Rock N' Roll Ralphs on the late night. A sour-faced MILO VENTIMIGLIA enters looking ever the dick in a white shirt and black slacks. This guy is miniscule. I don't know if that's why he was pissed off or what. Maybe his First Communion rehearsal didn't go so well. Wednesday, Oct. 8 · This was taken today, the day after his fire, NICK NOLTE at Starbucks in malibu. Looking actually in very good spirits. he was with the guy in the tank top.

So recidivist actress Michelle Rodriguez apparently held a vibrator hostage recently, and Molls—a longtime proponent of personal pleasuring devices and a Pleasure Chest Platinum MasterCard holder—has a lot to say on the subject. Have at it, Molls! And once you're done with that, here's some things to do for the weekend:FRIDAY · Joan Osbourne at the El Rey · Duffy at the Orpheum ·Waiting in the Wings at Theater West SATURDAY · The Crystal Method at the Vanguard · Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen at Largo · Denali at the Echoplex SUNDAY · LA/Valley Pride at CBS · This Beautiful City at the Kirk Douglas Theater · The Mighty Regis at Safari Sam's

A Defamer operative going about his daily Rodeo Drive chores let us know about a standoff that went down this morning between the forces of good (underpaid and undervalued reality show writer-producers) and evil (Heidi Klum, and anything—sorry Tim Gunn fans!—Heidi Klum-adjacent). He writes: