DEFAMER HOROSCOPES - OCTOBER 13, 2008 If today - October 13 - is your birthday: Maybe it's time you drop the supportive friend act and just tell Amy that her screenplay is terrible. It will save you having to come up with awkward excuses for not passing it along to your agent uncle and finally reveal to Amy what she's been thinking all along: that you are a total asshole. Libra (September 24 - October 23): Today you will stop putting off important things you meant to do a month ago: register to vote, send your grandpa that thank you note, and attend opening night of Dolly Parton's 9-to-5: The Musical. More star signs after the jump!Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): The career of Richard Dreyfuss, a fellow Scorpio, will show you the ideal lifepath today. As a result, you will survive the figurative man-eating sharks patrolling your office and strengthen your relationship with your figurative deaf son. Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21): The incessant repeating of the phrase "See what I did there?" following every lame joke you make will not endear you to your fellow mailroom employees. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20): Even though your anxiety levels have been rising lately, fear not. Sunday will bring sweeping revelations and new-found clarity on the direction of things to come. Mostly for the characters on AMC's award-winning drama Mad Men. Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): "It's time you quit your lucrative but soul-killing day job and commit to your inner artist" — is what your inner artist would be saying if your inner celebrity dancing show producer hadn't killed him off six seasons ago. Pisces (February 20 - March 20): A long day of pre-production meetings gives way to a long night of listening to your husband complain about his hernia. Aries (March 21-April 20): Though you have been canvassing fiercely around Riverside County and arguing passionately with conservative opponents, the success or failure of Proposition 8 will not affect your life, as you are emotionally unavailable and unable to communicate on a basic level with either sex. Taurus (April 21 - May 21): Don't go to the audition. Seriously. You're never going to get the part and you're just going to sit there with the same 50 people you saw at the last commercial cattle call. Come on. It's depressing and a waste of everyone's time. It wouldn't even look good on your resume. What's on VH1 right now? Gemini (May 22 - June 21): A meet-cute with a beautiful blonde combined with a classic misunderstanding will allow your relationship to flourish in the short-term, but problems loom for you at the End of Act Two/Beginning of Act Three. Cancer (June 22 - July 23): Don't leave Lady Luck waiting at the door. Make sure the receptionist buzzes her in and tells her which conference room contains the executive producer's bachelor party. Leo (July 24 - August 23): You will talk to five important experts today about your new documentary on mental illness and its effect on families of the lower classes of India. Unfortunately, these five expert swill be of little help, as they are members of Aerosmith and have little expertise beyond the realm of rocking your fucking tits off. Virgo (August 24 - September 23): As a Virgo, your tendency towards list-making will keep your life organized in the weeks to come, but will make you equally vulnerable to inclusion in Found Magazine collections.