The studio fatwa prohibiting early reviews of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has ended, it seems, with Variety leading the critical charge online late Sunday. Prepare to be shocked by the general consensus: It's good, and will surely be nominated for Oscars! Who could have seen this coming? Nevertheless, the film has its detractors, and we hear from them — along with those slobbering at its altar — after the jump. (Light spoilers ahead.)· "David Fincher and screenwriter Eric Roth (Forrest Gump) have delivered an historic achievement, a masterful piece of cinema, and a moving treatise on death, loss, loneliness and love. As the movie proceeds, and Brad Pitt as Button ages backwards, we know where he is headed: it's where we are all going. But he feels he has to go there by himself, without his loved ones. And nobody wants to die alone." — Anne Thompson, Variety · "Perhaps it’s my youthful cynicism, who knows, but I thought Fincher brought an arm’s length approach to the emotions in the film and I wanted Roth’s reaction to that. Of course, Roth doesn’t particularly agree with my take. Indeed, he was right in the middle of telling me how the bathroom was filled with sobbers after the screening when a beautiful young lady walked up to us and told him how much the movie had affected her. But he took my comment in stride. 'Fincher is the kind of director that brings you right up to the point of sentiment and then brings it back,' he said. 'There’s something to be said for that I think.' " — Kris Tapley, InContention

If only he could travel back in time to avert this catastrophe! After remarking that the only people who watch Heroes live are "saps and dipshits" who haven't figured out how to operate a DVR, show creator Tim Kring is apologizing for his remarks becoming so public. "It was a boneheaded attempt at being cute and making a point. Instead, it turned out to be just plain insulting and stupid." Wait, we're sorry: that was actually his attempt to explain season two of Heroes. [SyFy Portal]

Over the weekend, a man was killed in a bizarre attempt to storm the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Los Angeles. Here are four lessons we have learned from the story that could avert such a circumstance. · Don't exit your car wielding two samurai swords. You will be shot. · Don't attempt this questionably insane plan at noon on a Sunday.· If intent is to take guards by surprise (by wielding two samurai swords), do not announce presence by pulling up in a cherry-red convertible. · Just probably don't do this plan at all. Style points, though!

For a while we were worried that James Franco's epic prosthetic schlong story might be the most insidery background we'd hear about his more intimate moments shooting Milk, but David Letterman finally coaxed the definitive "kissing Sean Penn" tale during the actor's Late Show appearance last Friday. It's packed with all the sheepish eye-rolling and chuckling embarrassment that has been Franco's public stock in trade since he was cast as Harvey Milk's lover Scott Smith, but don't let the modesty fool you: Franco is ready to kiss any man, any time, anywhere — even David Letterman. And to his credit, the host is game. It's not quite the post-Prop 8 statement of solidarity we might have hoped for, but it's a breakthrough of some kind, we think. [The Late Show]

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: 11/23 — Okay, so once again, toiling in post-production hell tonight, I go out to get the poor editor some grub at California Canteen on Cahuenga West, and as I’m leaving I see MICHAEL SHEEN, back in Underworld fighting trim, Lycan facial hair, sitting alone at a table near the door, texting away. And I’m about to just bask in his amazing Welsh actorial glow but I am so high from exhaustion I actually turn around and go up to him and say “Mr. Sheen, I never do this, but I saw you in Frost/Nixon in London and you were brilliant.” And I stick out my hand and, in spite of my Sideshow Bob hair and edit bay pallor, he shakes it and smiles and thanks me, and I wish him luck with the film and split. Very. Soft. Hands. And NOBODY at the lab knows who I’m talking about when I tell them. Heathens. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

It was the weekend that moviegoers gave blood whether they wanted to or not; take a moment, relax and recover with us as we comb through the Monday Morning Box Office: 1. Twilight - $70.6 million Multiplex chains were forced to summon crisis counselors after Twilight's $33 million opening day, the screeching tween torment of which rang in shellshocked staffers' ears even as grosses slowed into the weekend. Meanwhile at Summit Entertainment — the indie that bankrolled the the teen-vampire-romance phenomenon — execs are assembling one of the nicest fruit baskets ever to send to Warner Bros., whose bumping of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from Nov. 21 to next summer gave Twilight a green light to plunder at will.2. Quantum of Solace - $27.4 million The 007 thriller plunged 60% from its record-breaking opening a week ago, once again triggering Broody Bond's thirst for revenge that will be explored in the series' stake-wielding 2011 installment, Message For Twilight. 3. Bolt - $27 million Disney's 3-D canine pseudohero took a massive dump on its owner's carpet over the weekend, underperforming by at least $10 million below expectations. After a stern talking to, the pooch is expected to behave a little better for the studio's Thankgsiving guests; another mess like this and it's straight to the shelter. 4. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - $16 million On the other hand, runaway zoo animals never require discipline from their masters at DreamWorks Animation, though Madagascar's own 54% drop was unusual for a famliy film, even one featuring the giraffe-voicing talents of David Schwimmer. 5. Role Models - $7.2 million David Wain's bid for mainstream success has apparently been accepted by, well, the mainstream, with his R-rated mentoring comedy grossing $48 million to date. Congratulations, David!

· Twilight and its bad FX brought squealing throngs to Westwood. Leading lady Kristen Stewart was not impressed. · Celebrate Hugh Jackman — your 2008 Sexiest Man Alive With a Really Long Movie Opening Next Week! · The Star Trek trailer looks pretty good and everything, but we'll save our $10 for the 90210-tinged sequel. · We'd rather lose 100 Dirty Sexy Moneys than spend a single afternoon without Deidre Hall. Oh well. · Every time David Archuleta reads Defamer, an angel gets its wings. · Ben Silverman stayed busy with Brooke Shields drama and a date with Charlie Rose. No, not that kind of date. Sheesh! · Which mustache-culture icon is George Clooney's new look channeling? Vote now! · Wanda Sykes's gay marriage was an unapologetic act of anarchy against double indemnity. Or... something. · Seth Meyers and Co. devoted almost an entire episode of Saturday Night Live to ridiculing gays. But please don't hold that against them. · Regardless of what Barbara Walters says, the ladies of The View never would have failed their weekly vocabulary test had Rosie O'Donnell been in the studio. · For the record, Miley Cyrus is not dead. A surly, giggly pain in the ass, though? That part is true, unfortunately. · A reflective Britney Spears remembered the bad times and the... bad times. · Believe it or not, The Worst Publicist in the World outdid himself. We'll drink to that.

· She may not have the palpable sexual chemistry with Stephen Colbert that she enjoys with Jay Leno or Snoop Dogg, but we could still really kick back all day to watch these two make gilded mistletoe orbs or whatever the hell it is they're up to. · Awwww...look at the little Shiba Ee-dudes frolicking around in there. Enjoy them now before they get bigger and are sent off to loving homes. · Getty stock photos + Sasha Fierce song titles = seconds of fun. · Car crash rocks the set of 30 Rock! Don't worry—everyone's OK. · Bid now on Jenna Jameson's couch! Yikes—off-white silk. Fairly stain-unforgiving choice for a porn star. · God bless Pax Jolie-Pitt: He still hoards his food in case his parents should change their mind and return him. Smart kid.

Do you have Twilight fever yet? You may acquire that, plus a communicable disease, if you're one of the five lucky commenters to win this week's COTW prize: a bite on the neck from Twilight star Robert Pattinson! Runners-up, you get a disinterested peck on the forehead from Pattinson's costar, the barely-roused Kristen Stewart. Try a little harder next time, OK? On to the winners!· Old No.7 on Shoot Your Eye Out This Christmas In The 'Christmas Story' House!: No tongue stuck on the pole? Damn, those Prop 8 bastards are everywhere! · taraniso on 5 Suggestions For Improving the Generally Hideous 'Jonas Brothers Concert Movie' Poster: Three powerful, yet visually stunning, bolts of lightning. Not for the photo, just in general. · Wendy_Kroy on Kim Masters Attempts to Lay Out Defamer-Sourced Case for Ben Silverman's Homosexuality: Coming soon... Beijing Ben: Delicious Journeys Through Upfronts for the Purpose of Making Clueless Writers Cite Defamer for Homosexual Rumors. · CollierLibra on Possessed Serial Killer Deidre Hall Loses 'Days' Gig In Soap Opera Restructuring: I love that a real guy named Drake plays a fake guy named John on a soap opera. · metroville on New Chuck Norris Fact: Thinks Gays Are Anarchists: I hate it when people mistake the public's ironic enjoyment of them for merit. Congratulations to all our posters. May your weekend be full of impossibly chaste teen romance! (Except in cases where that's against the law.)

We've pushed Defamer's overworked, underpaid Twilight Bureau as far as it can go this week, and why not: Variety now reports that the film will pull in $30 million today, establishing it on the lower end of the 20 all-time best opening-day grosses. Among other attributes, Robert Pattinson's dense, unruly mop of hair has been of particular interest to the ticketbuying public, whose every tousle, stroke, pat and otherwise swoony self-grooming invariably culminate in hormonal yelps of appreciation from his female fan base. But when asked by Ellen DeGeneres today about that hair's appeal, Pattinson simply raked through it once more — and once more, and once again, and again — in dumbfounded wonder before confessing, "I have no idea." As the accompanying hair-touching highlight reel suggests, however, we think someone doth protest too much. On the other hand, if we only washed our hair once a month (if that), we'd probably have the same curiosity. Carry on, Rob. [Ellen]

FRIDAY · Music round-up: Rodriguez at The Echo, Lucinda Williams at the Wiltern, and Aretha Franklin at the mofo House of Blues, y'all! · Matt Besser’s Freak Dance: The Forbidden Dirty Boogaloo is at the UCB Theater. · Sandra Berhard performs at the Orpheum. Cheap tickets still available!SATURDAY · Of Montreal at the Palladium, O'Death at Spaceland, and Dusseldorf-based pianist Volker Bertelmann (aka Hauschka) at Largo. · Robert Lepage/Ex Machina's The Blue Dragon continues at UCLA's Freud Playhouse. · For The Glory Of Steel: "The Steve Allen Theater joins forces with the Society for Creative Anachronism to bring you a night of WAR — with real battle, in full-on armor. No holding back!" Music by metal gods CROM! FUCK YEAH!!! SUNDAY · Yeasayer at the Troubadour, Chelsea Chen on the Disney Hall pipe organ, Backstreet Boys at the Palladium (you know you want it), probably wishing they were with NKOTB at The American Music Awards at the Nokia. · Royal/T and Valley of the Dolls present Royal Doll Tea Party—sort of anime meets high tea. Rad!

It's a night full of escort romances - from the scandalous to the necessary-for-the-sake-of-comedy. We can say with a clean conscience that we have never employed the services of an escort, unless you count our pity dates to junior year homecoming. Between the bid, limo and dinner, it was only about $100, so we probably got a good deal for that awkward make-out session. WATCH 20/20 [10 PM, ABC] - Diane Sawyer finally talks to Ashley Dupré about life as former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's high-end escort and her music career. One assumes Ashley and ABC waited until after the election to air this to ensure that they received as much attention as possible. Let's hope Ashley has been saving some of that hard-earned dough.

E!'s Kristin Dos Santos brings us more news on the suddenly snowballing Arrested Development movie, including the new information that the film is budgeted at $15 million (around what we'd estimate the theatrical ceiling is for this property, though homevid sales should be killer). However, her most interesting tidbit, divulged to her by a principal cast member wishing to remain anonymous, is what the reaction is to someone (cough Michael Cera cough) who's not so keen on the big screen transfer:

Apparently not encouraged by the spit-take and crotch-veil buzz surrounding its forthcoming releases, the struggling Weinstein Company axed "roughly two dozen" employees this afternoon. The New York Post reports that human resources broke the news to the staffers — about 11% of the Weinsteins' workforce — in a purge related not to the studio's ongoing money woes, but rather a bit of bearish anticipation of the fast-approaching recession. Still, we're as shocked as you are: The Weinstein Company has a human resources department?It's true! And with the recent flurry of departed execs and now 24 layoffs in the trenches, they'll be staying busy with paperwork for a while: TWC is paying severance based on time with the 3-year-old company, and it's estimated that the cuts will save Harvey an amount "well into the millions." But just to restate, says an insider, the negatives in the climate-controlled Delayed-Movie Vault are doing just fine — as are the Weinsteins, for that matter:

Small Businesses. Our old friends at Losanjealous happened to spot two signs posted around Melrose, usually stacked and taped to telephone polls, advertising : 1) a lonely L.A. Public Library employee who's recently made a little money on the side with a self-publishing business, and 2) a rare first edition of a comic book by Wolverine's very own adamantium-fortified little girl, entitled Super Hello Kitty Girl's Adventures I Love My Daddee. Also available: Taco Bell, The Smurfs, movies. Call now! [Losanjealous]

So much has gone down on The View since Rosie O'Donnell quit that it feels like ancient history when O'Donnell reopens those old wounds for some extra publicity, but we made an exception yesterday because her reaction video to Barbara Walters's smackdown was succinct and cute. Sadly, if O'Donnell's appearance on Conan last night is any indication, the View-Bashing Express in her head is running on a circular track.Instead of coming up with some new jokes (as we've heard comedians are wont to do), O'Donnell did an almost verbatim reprise of her shtick from the rosie.com video. Intern Stacey Fitzgerald put together a comparison clip above; let's hope that by the time O'Donnell relates this story to Ne-Yo and Liza Minnelli on Rosie Live, she can at least work in a pirate shirt joke or two.

Today brings the joyous news that late last night Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz became the proud parents of a baby boy named Bronx Mowgli Wentz—a brilliant choice, if for nothing else being so ridiculous as to be virtually mock-proof. Surely its crunchy-consonant jumble of New York boroughs and Jungle Book characters is worthy of some sort of celebration however, so we proudly present The Defamer Simpson-Wentz Baby Name Generator! As we have no coding skills, this is a very lo-fi generator that really makes you do all the work, but hey—it's more fun getting your hands dirty in the stupid-celebrity-baby-name mush, isn't it? No? OK.Here's how it works: You simply pick any NYC borough or neighborhood within that borough, add a Jungle Book character (you can select from a list here, or here, or if you're feeling too constrained, just pick any Disney protagonist of your liking), then affix the surname of an overexposed celebrity. We'll get you started: 1. DUMBO Toomai of the Elephants Hilton 2. Ozone Park Rikki-Tikki-Tavi Longoria Parker 3. Gowanus Chuchundra Banks Now what are you waiting for? Have at it! [Photo credit: Flickr]

You've read the raves. You've seen the clip. You've heard the whole motivational speech about blowing one's brains out. And finally, with less than a month remaining before the Mickey Rourke Comeback Explosion pulverizes American moviegoers, you can have a look at the trailer for The Wrestler. Interweaving Rourke's bedraggled mug with strip joints and Springsteen, the spot feels as much the marketing equivalent of the New Jersey state flag as it does a movie promo, but in the end that's just a fraction of its appeal. Ultimately this is the working man's Oscar bait, with a few well-timed pull quotes to reassure any skittish elites that they, too, are qualified to partake. At least until the Necrobutcher sequence, and then then you're on your own. [Fox Searchlight]

Muted Screams: Oprah Winfrey's annual "Favorite Things" episode airs this Wednesday, and though struggling people could really use some big-ticket items in the midst of our recession, the cruel daytime doyenne is going to reward her audience members with stuff they probably could have gotten already. "They're some of Oprah's favorite things, but this time there's a twist...they cost next to nothing!" said an Oprah rep in a statement. "You'll meet a mom who shows us how to create a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the heart. Then, one family talks about their very own tradition that doesn’t cost a cent." What, "love" or some shit? What a rip-off! At least give 'em some sweater-capes and calypso music, O! [Us]

Bite-Sized: Tyra Banks welcomed Twilight-ers Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner to her program today, where Pattinson for once proceeded to fulfill the wish of every woman he's encountered since beginning his vampire flick's press tour. Lautner looked on with a smile, shielding his disappointment that he was not invited to feast on the host, but clearly relieved to see the host-devours-guest trend that claimed co-star Kristen Stewart reversed in time for his daytime-TV appearance. Click through for the full-size image. [Tyra Banks Show]