A few months after Brad Pitt's security detail evacuated him from a perfectly safe Toronto hotel, TMZ sends late word that the actor is once again not threatened by an emergency near his L.A. home.

Jennifer Aniston's PR campaign continues to crush everything in its path. (What is she pushing on us, exactly, besides herself? Puppy & Me? We're not seeing it. It dies. Puppy's outta the bag.)

· Broadway and Dan in Real Life star Norbert Leo Butz and William H. Macy have swooped in to save Speed-the-Plow, following Jeremy Piven's abrupt departure due to an acute case of eight-shows-a-week-is-really-putting-a-damper-on-my-skank-banging-schedule-itis. [Variety]

With Seven Pounds sputtering and stalling right out of the gate, Will Smith had little reason to laugh last night on The Late Show. Fake-laugh, though? Watch and learn from the best.

Did we say Kathie Lee Gifford gets a Get Out of Defamer Free card last week? Well, she's probably cashed it in about a dozen times since—so time to pile on again!

Though Russell Brand defined this year's MTV Video Awards by repeatedly cracking jokes about the Jonas Brothers' purity rings, it had seemed of late that the comedian had moved on to Helen Mirren.

We're really in the holiday spirit around Defamer HQ: We're currently tanked on Jägernog, our stockings are hung like Thomas Jane, and we keep replaying this Mad Men-spoofing video Christmas card.

The sad story of Delgo — eight years in the making, all-star (sort of) voice cast, $237 per-theater average — ended Thursday as the film shuffled into post-theatrical oblivion.

Poor Jennifer Aniston! In New York right now it is far too cold to go nude outside, which left the actress few options to promote her film Marley & Me last night.

There's not much fun to be had watching The Hollywood Reporter implode, but a morsel in today's Page Six does offer a puzzling clue as to what might be responsible. Hint: It's not the economy.

Hollywood community, Jeremy Piven is very disappointed in you. Why have you refrained from rallying around the actor as he suffers so dearly from mononucleosis... er, we mean "self-inflicted sushi poisoning"?

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or potentially toxic at the movies. This week: Will Smith is bad, Jim Carrey is affirmative, and Mickey Rourke takes a beating for Oscar.

· We'd just like to say to the aliens who replaced Ann Curry's brain with this articulate, ferocious one putting Rev. Rick Warren's nuts in a vise: Thanks! We'd like to keep her this way.

· Music round-up: Juliette Commagere at the Troubadour, Ozomatli at House of Blues, and Sarah Brightman at the Nokia Theatre (gotta love LA Weekly's capsule review).

It's a night of water cooler show reruns (30 Rock, The Office, Ugly Betty), so you'll have to make do with celebrities who have lost touch with celebreality, rats, and private getaways.

12/18 — Just saw DAMIAN LEWIS of Life and Band of Brothers and his wife having a helluva time trying to ship a package back to England at the FedEx on Wilshire and 6th in Santa Monica. Hoorah for normalcy! [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Been checking the trades for news of a Bernie Madoff movie in development? Oh. Maybe Michael Chiklis can interest you in something more modest, but with all the scintillating twists the word "Ponzi" implies.

In the coming days, audiences will emerge from Seven Pounds scratching their heads at its Manojian twists and puzzling over the meaning of its unexplained title. (It's the precise weight of its script's heavy-handedness.)

Though Anne Hathaway offers herself up as a drinking buddy for the low price of $12,000, you can retain her services as a wedding hero for free — at least, if you're her gay brother.

Where most media have moved on from courting Twilight fans, MTV has one remaining drop of profit to wring from the condescension flood. To wit, Twilight