· A&E wins the bidding war with TNT for Sopranos basic cable reruns, ponying up $2.5 million an episode. They pledge to "preserve the integrity of the show" while presumably editing out much of the nudity and violence, i.e., the good parts. [Variety]
· Everybody Loves Raymond's Patricia Heaton signs a development deal with ABC and Touchstone TV, who will immediately try and shoehorn her into a sitcom where she plays a sassy wife who must endure the antics of a schlubby husband. [THR]
· Disney is financially propped up by ESPN and theme parks, while home video revenues head toilet-ward. Hey, why don't they try convincing that Eisner guy to step down or something? [Variety]
· Medium continues to beat up on its mostly-rerun competition, giving NBC a win on the 18-49 demographic, [THR]
· Agent Dance Mini Edition: 23-year William Morris TV veteran Steve Glick dumps WMA for the greener ten-percent pastures of ICM. [Variety]

First-class-flying Hollywood types, you are warned: If you find yourself on the same flight as CAA agent Josh Lieberman and you desperately need to sleep or get some work done, you might want to beg your way back into the plebe cabin. Page Six reveals Lieberman's log-sawing problem:

The NY Times banishes a couple of reporters to the sleepy town of Santa Maria ("population of 85,000, of whom nearly 60 percent are Latino and fewer than 2 percent are black. Many of the residents work in the fields of the surrounding Santa Maria Valley. Per capita income is $13,780, and more than 15 percent of the population lives in poverty."), where the first day of the Michael Jackson Trial of the Century unfolded Monday. Now that the stage is set, it's time to look at the challenges facing lawyers during the jury selection phase of the proceedings:

Have you ever found yourself staring at your cellphone and wishing that the tiny screen could be filled with beheadings, drug-addled special anti-terrorist agents, and inscrutable plot twists? You're in luck, because today Fox and Verizon are rolling out 60-second episodes of a 24 series called 24: Conspiracy made to be viewed on the two-inch space previously reserved for your phone numbers, postage stamp-sized pictures of your drunk friends, and the occasional game of Tetris. And if the series doesn't show early promise (like most of the offerings on the network), the programming geniuses at Fox will undoubtedly prop up the short-attention-span 24 episodes with endlessly repetitive clips of people singing off-key renditions of Celine Dion songs.

The LiquidGeneration blog has posted a clip from last night's Late Show tribute to Johnny Carson, where a former Tonight Show producer told David Letterman that Carson almost snapped because one of the Charlie's Angels cast was incredibly stupid. The producer wouldn't name names, and said it wasn't one of the original Angels, but one of "the replacements"—leaving it up to interpretation whether he meant someone from the latter days of the television show (probably) or someone who would go on to star in the seizure-inducing McG movies (less likely). Liquid Generation thinks he was talking about Drew Barrymore, but really, don't burn too many brain cells over this one. The best part about timeless debates like "Who is the stupidest Angel?" is that there's not just one correct answer.

For two of Hollywood's celebrated young actors, there's nowhere left to go besides retirement or suicide:

· Tonight's utterly manufactured must-see TV moment: Stealthily gay Bachelorette contestant Fabrice, outed by TVGasm weeks ago, will reveal his "big secret" on the show tonight. Oooh, whatever could it be? Did he kill a guy?
· Dying to know exactly what's going to crawl across the screen at the beginning of this summer's new Star Wars movie? We know you are. [via BoingBoing]
· Hey, what happened to the "I Stole Brad" t-shirt site? Mysterious...
· This just in: Actors seeking new and exciting ways to throw away their money love them some poker.
· A dummy at CNN provides tabloids with easy "no respect" jokes.

· The Scissor Sisters bring their Elton-John-after-doing-3000-situps pop to the Wiltern. Attendance at the show does not actually require that you visualize Elton John doing any kind of physical exercise, but we do recommend an appreciation for men in overalls.
· The Beverly Hills Theater Guild’s 25th Annual Dinner honors Carol Channing. Other notables expected to attend include Bea Arthur, Carl Reiner and Angela Lansbury. Just think, for only $250 you could be in the same room as a Golden Girl and a mystery-solving novelist!
· Humor columnist Susan Jane Gilman reads from her memoir about growing up in NYC, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress, at Dutton’s in Brentwood. Ah, so that's how you spell "pouffy."

At last week's Auto Rox awards show, deposed Spike TV head Albie Hecht enjoys the intoxicating last moments of power.

Even a routine security check on the way to the courtroom can't make Michael Jackson suppress some Thriller-quality moves. Not pictured: Jackson grabs his crotch, hops on a table, and emits a piercing scream that shatters all the glass within a 100-yard radius.

In his farewell to the NY Times on Sunday, former entertainment reporter Bernard Weinraub offered up a litany of his Hollywood sins. He admits to some initial starfucking (hey, wouldn't you ditch Billy Bob Thornton to squeeze a quote out of Cameron Diaz?), falling asleep while interviewing Jim Carrey (mortifying!), and personal shame over driving his crappy beater to meet rich studio types (doubly mortifying!). In one anecdote, Weinraub admits to falling for the estimable charms of Jeffrey Katzenberg, who predictably dropped him like a dead kitten once he finally abandoned the movie beat after his marriage to rising studio head Amy Pascal proved too complicated for the Times:

Defamer is committed to bringing together Hollywood's hackiest directors and the people that once educated them. Yesterday, we received this plea and promised to do everything in our power to reconnect teacher and student.

Moments ago, Universal Studios circulated a memo to all of its local employees to prepare them for the possible appearance of picketers from the Casting Society of America. Batten down the hatches! Casting directors in angrily-worded sandwich boards are coming! Universal quite sensibly discourages any kind of vigilante justice from its employees (who are expected to work and to be on time during the possible crisis); rather than suggest that picketers momentarily blocking cars trying to enter the lot be sprayed with fire hoses or crushed under SUV wheels, impeded workers are urged to ignore the protestors and refrain from ramming their cars through any human speed-bumps. Of course, for every public show of restraint, there are probably matching secret internal directives from boss Stacey Snider urging that anyone carrying a picket sign be doused in napalm and instantly incinerated. The memo follows:

The always-reliable British tabloids are reporting that a nude, pill-popping Lara Flynn Boyle recently terrorized fellow passengers on a flight from L.A. to London, roaming the first-class cabin halfway through the trip, waking a man, and trying to get into bed with him as she told him to prepare for landing. As much as we'd love to believe these tales of airborne, drug-addled celebrity antics, there's usually a logical explanation. In this case, the accosted man probably fell asleep watching Attack of the Undead, Anorexic, Former Jack Nicholson Bangers and mistook his inevitable nightmares for a midair encounter with Boyle.

· Clint Eastwood wins the Directors Guild Award for Million Dollar Baby. We can almost hear Martin Scorcese's Oscar hopes fading away. [THR]
· Forty Shades of Blue wins Sundance's dramatic competition, while audiences somewhat predictably pick Hustle & Flow, Paramount's nine million dollar baby. [Variety]
· News that five people care about: Nicole Kidman parks her vanity production company, Blueprint Films, with Initial Entertainment Group. [Variety]
· The Daily Show ranter Lewis Black signs up for a television development deal with Sony for an eventual show "built around his cantankerous stage persona." Hopefully that won't translate to playing a widower with two adorable daughters and a well-meaning-but-overbearing mother who moves in to help raise the kids. [THR]
· Spike TV announces that president Albie Hecht is "stepping down," with Comedy Central's Doug Herzog likely annexing the job into his part of the Viacom empire. Somewhere, Les Moonves is cackling and stroking a white cat. [Variety]

[We interrupt our normal programming for a special message from our overlords at Gawker Media.] Today our Worldwide Blog Conglomerate cuts the umbilical cord of two new offerings, Lifehacker and Gridskipper. Lifehacker lets you once again seize control of your abusive relationship with your computer, and Gridskipper will help you find the best restaurants, hotels, and "massage parlors" in your favorite vacation destinations. We welcome them into the fold and we'll save them a seat at the company therapy sessions, unless they learn to cope with the beatings on their own.

From the NY Post's Sunday story on esteemed film critic Roger Ebert:

The NY Times uses the recent lawsuit claiming that Entourage's Kevin Connolly dumped his management (after he found out HBO had picked up the show, naturally) to examine a larger problem in Hollywood: Working actors opportunistically kicking their managers curbward at the first blush of success.

With nothing new to see unless you get off on watching an acting legend further taint his career, it might've been time to catch those Oscar nominees you've been putting off seeing.

Friday
· Artist Albert Reyes celebrates his latest exhibit with an opening tonight at the Black Market LA. We're intrigued: Flavorpill says he uses "images of Ronald McDonald with a posse of ladies and Michael Jackson giving us the finger." Good enough to get a nod from us!
· Brooklyn invades the eastside as dance-punk stalwarts Radio 4 play the Echo. They needn't worry, their thrift-store t-shirts will still play on this coast.
Saturday
· The very appropriately named ArtNights at 18th Street series features free art at the 18th Street Arts Center...at night. Some culture without cover charge wouldn't kill you, you know.
· DJ Sasha (of Sasha and Digweed fame) ditches vinyl for some fancy, digital music controller at his Avalon residency. We're sure his ability to induce booty-shaking will not be compromised by the encroachment of technology.
Sunday
· Fresh off a show during Sundance, Kings of Leon abandon the mountains for the comfort of the Sunset Strip.
· Give your mind a workout at Mental Yoga at Bergamot Station. Don't worry, we're pretty sure they're not going to go all Bikram on you and make your brain sweat.