Keep in mind is that Donald Trump has already won. He got the opportunity to moderate a presidential debate right before primary season, and two candidates have already accepted. To get even one candidate to accept an invitation to something so blindingly stupid and farcical would've been a once-in-a-generation political feat. Nevertheless, it's possible that the final head count may stop at two debaters, leaving the debate well short of maximum comedic capacity.

Sure, why the fuck not? "Donald Trump is pairing up with Newsmax, the conservative magazine and news Web site, to moderate a presidential debate in Des Moines on Dec. 27." The Republican party's finally getting serious. (WOW.)

The Republican Jewish Coalition is hosting a forum for our merry band of Republican presidential candidates next week. The contenders are expected to flesh out a broad range of opinions about Israel, its future, and its relationship with the United States. Oh, except for Ron Paul, who was not invited. It seems his "extreme views"—like how he would stop giving Israel a few billion dollars each year to purchase weapons from the American defense industry—would be too controversial even within the context of a debate of ideas.

Did you hear Michele Bachmann at Tuesday's Republican debate saying that terrorists have made six different attempts on Pakistan's 15 nuclear sites? That's not information that's ever been made public! Which raises the question: did Bachmann just leak classified information to a national audience?

The CNN Republican national security debate is currently underway in Washington, DC. At its onset, moderator Wolf Blitzer invited the candidates to introduce themselves after providing them with a sample: "I'm Wolf Blitzer, and yes, that's my real name." When it was Mitt Romney's turn, the former Massachusetts governor said, "I'm Mitt Romney, and, uh, yes, Wolf, that's also my first name." Except that Romney's first name is actually Willard?

Today we learned that Rick Perry, everybody's favorite bumbling bumpkin from Texas, is not quite done making a fool of hisself. Fortunately for Perry, he has a frantic team of PR people waiting in the wings to apologize for his inevitable mishaps. One commenter was kind enough to send us today's statement:

Rick Perry simply has no idea what's happening at any point anymore, or of where he is, or what he's running for. This is the only explanation for why he's challenged Nancy Pelosi, the House minority leader, to a debate.

On Saturday night, CBS brought us the first hour of a 90-minute debate between the Republican candidates for President (apparently, an NCIS rerun was more important than an extra half-hour of politics). But as Jon Stewart observed on tonight's Daily Show, mixed in with the standard GOP talking points—like the belief that waterboarding isn't torture—were some less crazy ones, and from the unlikeliest of candidates.

The GOP's Presidential candidates split sharply on the question of whether or not to torture prisoners at Saturday night's national security debate in South Carolina. Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann aggressively defended the use of waterboarding, while Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman condemned torture as immoral and illegal.

Huge support and turnout from Latino voters will be a key part of President Obama's reelection campaign. What must he do to ingratiate himself, again? Nothing, really. In his mind, he can just show some clips of Republicans talking about immigration and pretty much seal things up.

Yeah, so Texas poo-stepping governor Rick Perry wants to abolish some agencies that oversee ... things, and he can't always remember what those things are. But he's not going to let his poor memory stop him from becoming America's next president, so put that in your cowboy hat.

Whoever you are tonight, and whatever it is you're doing, just be glad you're not Rick Perry, whose 53-second fumble has become an instant master class in how not to intimidate your political foes in front of a live, national audience. Do you think he knows he screwed up? Yeah. He knows.

Here's Texas Governor Rick Perry, distinguishing himself once again at Wednesday night's CNBC debate:

The presidential candidates have come to Michigan, to do a slick pagan money-sucking dance on CNBC in front of the citizens of one of the more screwed states in the country. It should be great! Oh, and now Tea Party patriarch Rick Santelli will be there, asking questions. Oof. So put some dollar bills in your collar, down a jug of Blue Label, and let's kill some poors — together.

Let's call it the Rich Uncle Pennybags debate. Tonight, Our Losers will square off in their first presidential debate in weeks, hosted by CNBC. It promises to be a banner night for plutocrats, and is intended to focus entirely on economic issues — specifically, how to stop the War on Wealth. What horrors await?

Next week's presidential debate sounds fantastic: It's Republicans, on the rich people channel CNBC, while Wall Street protests are happening all around the country! And this promo from CNBC tells us that the main topic of discussion will be, "how will the candidates end the War on Wealth?" Yes, how? With extermination camps for the poor, or at least the uppity ones? That's the litmus test, candidates.

The Texas Tea Party Patriots, using what must be an alternative pricing model, will charge $200 for general admission to its upcoming "modified Lincoln-Douglas style debate" between Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain.

After a few masterfully terrible debate performances over the last couple of months, Team Rick Perry may just declare victory and skip out on the many, many remaining debates. He might have scheduling issues on those nights, you know? On all of those nights. Deal with it.

Newt Gingrich has often expressed his desire, were he to win the Republican nomination, to debate President Obama in seven three-hour "Lincoln-Douglas style debates." These area not likely to happen, for several reasons. But Gingrich has convinced Herman Cain to debate him next month in a "modified Lincoln–Douglas debate," the modification being, what... that they both argue the pro-slavery position? Hmm.

Let's not forget to pull from the wreckage of last night's gory Vegas debate this underappreciated comedic contribution from Michele Bachmann: Her constant calls for the attention of Anderson Cooper, who was preoccupied with figuring out how to escape the building alive. "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson," all night long, with that folksy monotony you just can't find back East. So good on TPM for culling all of these cries into one clip! Although we should warn that you risk hearing "Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson. Anderson" in your dreams for about a week if you watch this.