JFK airport's "happy cat camp" is set to be looted, pillaged, and leveled by rampaging Port Authority agents today. Adorable denizens of the Catemkin Village—which, as we first learned last week, is made of overturned packing containers set beneath a rusty truck near the Delta cargo area—will be rounded up beginning today and euthanized en masse, despite protests and lobbying from "cat group members."
James Zadroga, the (non-smoking!) city detective who spent hundreds of hours at the World Trade Center site following 9/11 and then died mysteriously with a shitload of "foreign material" in his lungs, didn't die from inhaling the "toxic chemicals, fiberglass and pulverized concrete" that are killing everyone else who worked at Ground Zero for extended periods of time. Seriously! New York's chief medical examiner says so. Zadroga just died of some other lung thing, OK? Maybe he got it from breathing the HOT AIR of America-haters like you. [NYT]
With legendary director Ingmar Bergman, talk show host Tom Snyder, and La Cage aux Folles actor Michel Serrault all passing this weekend, hopefully the Show Business Reaper's "Rule of Three" quota has been met, freeing us from worrying about who his next victim might be for at least the next few days. A round-up of obituaries for the recently deceased trio:
The New York Times joins the crowd of those breaking Scholastic's embargo on revealing anything about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. In a review in today's paper, book critic Michiko Kakutani limns the final volume of the Potter series, and, presumably inadvertently, reveals a major plot point. It's kind of amazing.
The nation has now had a weekend to mourn the passing of Jack Valenti, man who made possible the groundbreaking cultural artifact known as the special unrated DVD version of Turistas. Yet, beyond such obvious accomplishments, there's still so much more to know about the MPAA chief/L.B.J. confidante/ Napster destroyer. Happily, on a dreary Sunday evening like this, there's no better family activity than reading the week's obituaries! But how do we know which ones will be appropriate for the kids? Alphanumeric codes, obviously! The following obits have been submitted for review to the Gawker Weekend Rating Board; out of respect, we are following the brilliant, equivocally definite guidelines set forth on the M.P.A.A. website.
About a month ago, Time Inc. announced their decision to cease publication of 'LIFE,' the once-iconic magazine that had been existing quietly in the form of a free weekly newspaper insert since 2004. According to the press materials, LIFE had served as an insert for 103 American newspapers. This weekend marks the last time that will ever happen.
A writer sent an email around to ProfNet—the queries clearinghouse for journalists who don't have their own sources—looking for people to comment about a potentially burgeoning trend, or a new MTV reality show in the making:
• The animal kingdom embraces the death penalty, celebrates the demise of Steve Irwin. [Daily Gut]
• OMG KATIE COURIC TONIGHT OMG CBS OMG LEGS.
• John Travolta: gaygaygaygay. [National Post]
• Did Jessica Simpson lip-sync on today's episode of The View? Is that why we were kind of digging it? [BWE]
• Preteen Observer publisher Jared Kushner knows when to pull punches: when advertisers are involved, obviously. Go ahead, son, you can admit it. [The Real Deal]
• The New Yorker gets polybagged, and nary a sideboob to show for it. [Living With Legends]
• The Lower East Side and East Village become sprinkled with random instances of public art. One man projected his video art onto Ludlow Street, where a dickbag might conveniently vomit on said artistic efforts. [Metro]
• After being charged with five counts of posession of just about everything, junkie Brit rocker Pete Doherty dodges the slammer after a judge admits to liking one of his songs. You know, here in the States, at least our justices pretend to be impartial to Snoop Dogg lyrics... [Daily Mail]
• Starbucks: terribly indie, boho. [Copyranter]
• Steely Dan turns towards indier-than-thou director Wes Anderson. Only classic rock can help him. [Steely Dan]
• Meachem, Newsweek, official, newsweeklies, yawn, dentures, blahblahblah. [Reuters]
• Fake hipsters hate on fake hipsters behind web show The Burg. It's the circle of post-post-life. [The Burg]
• R.I.P. Willi Ninja. [Keith Boykin]
This has nothing to do with New York, media, or gossip, but sometimes we're obliged to address intense matters of global importance: as you surely have heard, Steve Irwin, better known as the Crocodile Hunter, died yesterday. The Australian was not killed by a crocodile but, rather, a stingray, while filming the documentary Ocean's Deadliest. Though there's nothing funny about the death of a beloved Australian icon, wildlife champion and your father's favorite television personality, at the guy certainly left the world with some dangling, ironic carrots.
• Actress Kate Hudson didn't separate from Black Crowe husband Chris Robinson because he's a crunchy dirtman and she's, well, Kate Hudson. Us Weekly reports that Hudson's affair with Owen Wilson led to the split — once you climb on the Stallion, there's no climbing off. [Us Weekly]
• Damn the man: the IRS pushes to tax celebrity swag bags. [TMZ]
• Africa is hot! Rapper Eve ends her relationship with the son of the president of Equatorial Guinea, where citizens live on $1 a day, at the urging of Sunday Styles. [R&M]
• Blind item guessing game: "Which major magazine executive probably isn't hungry when he goes home to his wife, since he's having Chinese at the office??" Send in your guesses if you've got 'em. [Gatecrasher (last item)]
• 57-year-old actor Bruno Kirby died yesterday. He had been recently diagnosed with leukemia. Honor him tonight by ordering the Shrek doll episode of Entourage on HBO On Demand. [People]
• After 63 years of ongoing renevations to her W. 71st Street townhouse, Ann Curry's neighbors are suing her for over $900,000 because of the constant noise and disruption. Does that mean we can sue NBC? Because whenever Curry is on the screen, we feel a little disrupted, too. [Page Six]
• Justin Timberlake isn't signing up for the Soul Patrol anytime soon. [Scoop]
• Joey Buttafuoco shops a book proposal. Written in crayon. [Page Six]
In the few moments before the man in the fedora had confirmed the circumstances of Ken Lay's death, Drudge had the following headline:
• The Catholics respond to the Kanye West's Jesusy Rolling Stone as exploitation of a poor soul, and the work of a "morally and mentally challenged" person. Personally, we'd never talk about Jann Wenner like that. [R&M]
• Ellen Barkin is in the process of moving her life out of soon-to-be-ex-hubby Ron Perelman's 63rd Street fortess — but where she moves to depends on whether or not their divorce misses some pre-nup deadlines. [Page Six]
• At one of the dozens of Sundance parties, a junior publicist for Harrison Shriftman faints. A witness describes this as "buzzkill." Yeah, dude, losing consciousness totally harshes on our mellow. [Lowdown (2nd to last)]
• Actor Chris Penn, brother of Sean, is dead at 40, and no one seems to know why. [Defamer]
• Tommy Mottola is a mean, a racist, and now, interested in some a very, very devilish television development. [Page Six]
Because the greatest tribute is always to be posthumously whored out to sell flimsy, overpriced, glorified walkmen to yuppies and aging boomers.
You know how it's really easy and not at all a crowded logistical nightmare to get from one part of the city to another during rush hour? Or, even easier, to attempt, with everyone else, to leave the city altogether on one of our reliable and convenient commuter rail systems, bridges, or tunnels? Now pretend you're doing it while a category 4 hurricane completely submerges everything below Canal St. and large swaths of Brooklyn and Queens — yes, getting off this floating death trap should be a cinch — right, City Office of Emergency Management?
A moment of silence, please, in honor of Leo Sternbach, who died yesterday at the age of 97. Through his cutting-edge work with tranquilizers, Sternback saved countless nuclear families from violence and mommy-rage. May his memory will live on with his eventual beatification.
At first, we saw today's Post and were a little shocked at their blatantly unfortunate front page layout.
So maybe all that drinking is bad for us?
