New York City's Hurricane Preparedness Plan: Prepare to Die
You know how it's really easy and not at all a crowded logistical nightmare to get from one part of the city to another during rush hour? Or, even easier, to attempt, with everyone else, to leave the city altogether on one of our reliable and convenient commuter rail systems, bridges, or tunnels? Now pretend you're doing it while a category 4 hurricane completely submerges everything below Canal St. and large swaths of Brooklyn and Queens — yes, getting off this floating death trap should be a cinch — right, City Office of Emergency Management?
''There's a lot of criticism and public debate, but our plan is workable and we're prepared,'' said Jarrod Bernstein, spokesman for the city Office of Emergency Management. ''Our plan is comprehensive and only getting better.''
Well, considering that the plan involves moving everyone to designated shelters, the locations of which no one knows, and then evacuating them via Amtrack and the goddam PATH train, we have have to agree — it can really only get better.
By the way:
A major hurricane barrels into New York City about once every 90 years. The last big blow came with the 1938 Long Island Express, which killed 700 people, about 600 in New England, and left 63,000 people homeless.
Our advice: Call in sick in 2028.
