Burger King, for no good reason, has America's edgiest advertising. And it just got edgier. Now you can make it known publicly that someone's "friendship" is less valuable to you than 1/10th of a sandwich.

Has anything the celebrity family of Jett Travolta said about the teenager been the unvarnished truth? If so, we missed it. Even the publicity photos of Jett they sent out after his death are Photoshopped.

Chicago real estate mogul Steven Good, head of the "largest real estate auction company in the nation," killed himself with a gun yesterday. He did deals with Trump. His motivation is a mystery:

Oh hey, former celebrity magazine editor Bonnie Fuller is still writing some of the internet's columns most inexplicable columns, about celebrity issues. Today she answers the secret question: Why do celebs always die on vacation?

Following an autopsy, the official story is now that John Travolta's son died from a seizure. Travolta's story is that his son had Kawasaki disease. It's quite possible neither is right.

The tragic death of John Travolta's teenage son Jett could spell the end of Scientology, sci-fi author L. Ron Hubbard's loopy, medicine-hating cult from the 1950s.

John Travolta and Kelly Preston have two nannies. Jeff Kathrein, the one who found the dead body of the couple's 16-year-old son, Jett, was caught kissing Travolta. Who's the other one?

Did Travolta hire his unqualified gay lover to care for an ill child, who then died on the faux nanny's watch? If so, you won't read about it in the trashiest of Internet tabloids.

George Butler, who documented Arnold Schwarzenegger's early career as a bodybuilder in the documentary film Pumping Iron, was one of the notables who died in 2008, according to PBS host Charlie Rose. Oops, wrong Butler!

Enjoy your cruise! But beware of running aground, falling overboard, disappearing, and/ or being jacked by Somali pirates. Click to watch a compilation of just one month of holiday cruise ship disasters.

The fact that Eartha Kitt died on Christmas virtually mandated that all her obits would lead by noting that she sang "Santa Baby." However, we'd like to remember Kitt for two different accomplishments.

A laid-off California man dressed in a Santa suit opened fire on a Christmas Eve party at his in-laws' house and torched the building. Eight people died. "Naughty" doesn't begin to cover it.

A Christmas gift for lovers of political intrigue: Was the death in a plane crash of Mitch Connell, Karl Rove's technology guru, really an accident? And why aren't all the Rove-hating newspapers writing about it?

Bernie Madoff's $50 billion Ponzi scheme is growing fatally baroque. A French banker was found dead, in a grotesque office tableau, after losing $1.4 billion in the scheme.

A French hedge fund founder who lost $2 billion he'd invested with disgraced money manager Bernie Madoff killed himself in his Manhattan office today.

An HSBC banker hanged himself in a 5-star hotel room in West London, The Times reports.

The family of Jdimytai Damour, the Wal-Mart worker who was trampled to death at a Long Island store by a Black Friday mob hungry for discounts at any cost, has filed a lawsuit holding the company responsible for his death. And they're not just blaming the store's lack of security that morning; they're blaming Wal-Mart's ad campaign for turning sedate Long Islanders into a callous capitalist stampede of death:

Remember how we all got all mad at the Bush administration for fear-mongering after 9/11? They squandered international goodwill with a dumb war, and they tried to make us all afraid, all the time, so we'd keep voting for them, forever, to keep us safe? What bad, bad people, those Republicans. Anyways. On Good Morning America today, Dan Harris, reporting from Mumbai, announced to a sleepy Monday morning audience that the well-coordinated attack in India is basically guaranteed to be repeated here in America, like there is a 100% chance that terrorists will take over the next hotel you check into and kill your children, and al-Qaeda will do a thousand more 9/11s. Is it too late to vote for Rudy Giuliani? He'll protect us!!!

The Pledge of Allegiance was written by, of course, a Socialist. But the good kind! Francis Bellamy was a late-19th century Baptist Utopian Socialist, not a Stalinist or one of those white kids with dreadlocks. Naturally his Pledge was different from the one we know: it doesn't mention God! Luckily Congress fixed that in 1954, adding the words "under God" right in the middle, disrupting the flow of the whole thing. The Commie-hating clergyman responsible for adding God to our pledge just died!

We don't know about you, but where we come from a "Thanksgiving massacre" is what happens to the Detroit Lions, not a disturbing, well-coordinated terrorist attack in the world's fifth-largest city, involving anywhere from two dozen to 50 terrorists, many of whom haven't been caught, who had no demands but death and destruction, leaving 170 dead so far. Here is your amusing Weekend Gawker listicle: our top four favorite horrific descriptions of the violence in Mumbai this week!