In a major defeat for Prime Minister David Cameron, British parliament voted against 285-272 against taking any military action in Syria. The vote effectively ensures that Britain will not be involved with any U.S.-led military intervention against the Assad government.

As U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon awaits a report from weapons inspectors about last week's alleged chemical attack on civilians in Damascus, the U.S. is playing down expectations for a "smoking gun" connecting Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to the attack—and U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron is facing fierce opposition to intervention in parliament.

According to an intriguing but frustratingly vague report in the Daily Mail, UK Prime Minister David Cameron and his office at No. 10 Downing Street are in the midst of dealing with a sex scandal described by the Mail's sources as “stunn[ing],” “dynamite,” “a complete mess” and “of great personal distress to innocent parties.” But what's the scandal, and who exactly does it involve? No one who knows is saying, at least not publicly.

The UK's Sun revealed today that Prime Minister David Cameron and his wife Samantha had a bit of a scare two months ago when they inadvertently left their eight-year-old daughter alone in a pub after finishing their Sunday lunch.

Now that the horrible "unending nights of chaos" part of the British riots has started to subside, here comes the insane "unhinged overreacting" part. A judge just threw a six-month prison sentence at a 23-year-old with no previous record in prison.

On the fourth night of England's riots, 10,000 police flooded London streets and the city remained mostly calm. But the riots spread to other cities, leaving three men dead in Birmingham. British Prime Minister David Cameron promised a "fightback" to squelch unrest.

A candlelight vigil held for Mark Duggan, who was killed by police on Thursday, erupted into riots in Tottenham, London last night after riot cops on the scene allegedly beat a 16-year-old girl who had thrown a stone at them.

After time-traveling back to 2008 with the royal family, President Obama visited British Prime Minister David Cameron today. Mostly they hung out with British schoolboys, flicking the youths' tiny white balls to and fro. Obama and Cameron double-teamed the children before a live audience.

Watch out, England and Israel: It appears as though our most notorious American grifter, Sarah Palin, is heading your way in the new year. At the very least, lock up your good jewelry.

[Obama chats with British Prime Minister David Cameron at a meeting of NATO leaders in Lisbon, Portugal. Image via Getty.]

[Mayor Mike Bloomberg shares a traditional New York hot dog with British Prime Minister David Cameron outside of Penn Station this afternoon. We'll leave the easy jokes on this one to you all. Image via Getty]

Former British conservative prime minister Margaret Thatcher is old and sick and barely does anything anymore. But now Sarah Palin wants a photo-op, so Thatcher may just drag herself out of bed yet, to be polite.

The British press like to make terrible jokes about a potential gay relationship between new Prime Minister David Cameron and his coalition partner, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. This picture placement, in The Namibian newspaper, will not help. [Greg Mitchell]

Conservative David Cameron is England's new prime minister. But he had to form a coalition government, with Liberal Democrat Nick Clegg serving as deputy Prime Minister. This means Clegg and Cameron are gay together, like in Brokeback Mountain!

British prime minister Gordon Brown has resigned. Conservative leader David Cameron will take his place.

Well, Great Britain ("America 1.0") finally held its election last night, and it looks like they'll wind up with a hung Parliament, which means Thomas Jane will be made Prime Minister. Just kidding! But seriously, who won?

What did our cousins in Britain do last night while eating their nightly meal of fish and chips? They watched the final pre-election debate between the leaders of the three major parties, of course! And guess who won?

Huzzah! America's Deadbeat Older Brother, the United Kingdom, is holding an election for Best Wizard! Or Prime Minister, or something. Who are the "Party Leaders" who might lead the UK? Is one of them Ringo? We know who Ringo is.

Bobo British Conservative leader David Cameron had his bike stolen in London last Wednesday. Today it was returned to him courtesy, writes the Sunday Mirror, of "Ernest Theophile and his Rasta friend 'KJ', who used their street contacts to trace the bike." Gone are the days of disappearing women of ill repute from jowly gentlemen's clubs. Everyone's home by 6 and shaking bottles of balsamic vinagrette in this new, smiling Tory party. Although it was Cameron who "joked" about implementing sharia law to hunt down and punish the dirty git what stole his precious bike.