Internet billionaire and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban takes the stage again on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." As I watched this, I had three thoughts: "Wow, that outfit is gay, even for 'Dancing with the Stars'"; "Mark Cuban is a really good bad dancer"; and "Those are not spirit fingers! These are spirit fingers!" Still, Cuban is the geekiest contestant on the show this season, so give him a little love, won't you?
For all TMZ's gloating about thoroughly chapping ABC's hide by printing a leaked list of Dancing With The Stars contestants, it seems the network merely made the site its pawn in its cunning game of lies: That roster was fake, and the actual cast was revealed today. Notably absent is the one person — Lou Ferrigno, bodybuilder, cranky green giant, and heroic L.A. Country reserve deputy sheriff — whose rumored participation might have enticed us to watch for, oh, at least ten minutes. And anyone hoping for a showdown between 90210 vixens will be likewise crushed:
· Aging, erstwhile megastar Kevin Costner will produce and star in the "indie election comedy" Swing Vote, in which he'll play a guy who, through the kind of incredible plot contrivance from which hilarity will inevitably ensue, discovers he will cast the deciding vote in the presidential race. Also: Does anyone have any idea what Mr. Brooks is about? We keep zoning out during the commercials before we can figure it out. [Variety]
· Rapper Common's acting career is, as we're told the kids like to say, "blowing up." He'll join Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie in Universal's Wanted, and is in talks to outact Keanu Reeves in The Night Watchman. [THR]
· Superstar legal pundit Nancy Grace jettisons her Court TV show so that she can focus all of her crazy energy on being shrill on her higher-profile CNN showcase. [Variety]
· Roughly 19 million viewers tune in to Dancing with the Stars to simultaneously wonder if Billy Ray Cyrus's moves might be improved if he had a prosthetic leg. [[THR]
· Veronica Mars showrunner Rob "Not the Matchbox 20 Guy, We Think" Thomas poo-poos chatter that his show's already been given up for dead by The CW. [Variety]
The GLAAD media awards, presented tonight in New York, have come under fire this year for a controversial policy that excludes gay media outlets, such as gay-targeted cable networks like Logo and Here, in favor of "mainstream" ones—amazingly, even networks with a majority of gay-themed programming, like Bravo and ESPN. Their reasoning is that those general interest networks go further towards furthering the gay agenda recognizing positive portrayals of gays and lesbians in the media. Never at a shortage of an opinion on anything, blogging Bravo exec Andy Cohen—whose network, purely coincidentally, is up for three awards—sees no problem with the policy:
· Angelina Jolie will star in Universal's action flick Wanted opposite Morgan Freeman and James McAvoy. Shooting is scheduled to start in May in Eastern Europe, allowing the child-hoarding actress to finally tap that region's relatively underexploited orphan supply. [Variety]
· Oh, how cute: Jolie's boyfriend also has some news of his own in the trades! [Variety]
· NUTS signs The Office's Jennifer Celotta to a two-year, seven-figure overall deal, which the writer candidly admits may help her avoid being hobbled by the bookie owed a massive gambling debt following a bad NCAA tourney pick. Here's hoping she gets out of that dilemma without lasting physical injury. [THR]
· 21.7 million viewers tune in to the fourth season of premiere of Dancing with the Stars, but are ultimately disappointed when no tango foxtrot-related mishap occurs involving Heather Mills' prosthetic leg. There's always next week, sickies. [THR]
· WGA President Patric Verrone taunts the studios by informing Guild members that there's no evidence their saber-rattling adversaries have been stockpiling scripts to prepare for a possible strike. [Variety]
Jerry Springer appeared on Good Morning America today to unveil the new cast of Dancing with the Stars, ABC's hit reality competition that gives la crème de la D-list crème one more shot at foxtrotting their way back into America's hearts. This season, producers have amassed arguably the most illustrious group yet of besequined washouts to grace those polished floors with their varying degrees of technical skill, culled from worlds as disparate as professional sports and Beatle-marrying famewhoredom, with the requisite former boy-band members, pageant queens, and stars of Beverly Hills 90210 thrown in for good measure:
• As you may have heard, obscure actress Lindsay Lohan's Birkin bag was stolen at Heathrow airport, and its contents included $1 million in jewelry as well as her "medication." Thankfully, the Birkin has now been recovered, thought its contents seem to still be missing. No biggie: she can always restock on "asthma powder," but scoring that Birkin was a pain in the ass. [TMZ]
• Restalyne: Jessica Simpson's secret shame! [Us Weekly]
• With a little too much time on his hands, former asswipe House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has taken to devoting his energies to campaigning for Dancing With the Stars contestant Sara Evans, a country singer who "represents good American values." Like reality television dance-offs. [Page Six]
• Rev. Al Sharpton, however, is totally rooting for Tucker Carlson. Okay, what the fuck is going on here? Why this show? Why now? Why, at all? [Lowdown]
• Regarding Judy Garland: "Bright sunlight, like running out of Ritalin, made her blown up and lobster-skinned." Way to ruin the gay dream. [R&M]
• You know what? Christopher Reeve totally deserved it. [Page Six]
After the unexpected success of the initial run of Dancing With the Stars this summer, the producers knew they would have to up the ante for the sophomore edition, and what better way than reviving a long-gone Beatle with a Weekend at Bernie's 2-inspired voodoo curse, a hex which forces the enchanted to waltz in the presence of music?
