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• As you may have heard, obscure actress Lindsay Lohan's Birkin bag was stolen at Heathrow airport, and its contents included $1 million in jewelry as well as her "medication." Thankfully, the Birkin has now been recovered, thought its contents seem to still be missing. No biggie: she can always restock on "asthma powder," but scoring that Birkin was a pain in the ass. [TMZ]
• Restalyne: Jessica Simpson's secret shame! [Us Weekly]
• With a little too much time on his hands, former asswipe House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has taken to devoting his energies to campaigning for Dancing With the Stars contestant Sara Evans, a country singer who "represents good American values." Like reality television dance-offs. [Page Six]
• Rev. Al Sharpton, however, is totally rooting for Tucker Carlson. Okay, what the fuck is going on here? Why this show? Why now? Why, at all? [Lowdown]
• Regarding Judy Garland: "Bright sunlight, like running out of Ritalin, made her blown up and lobster-skinned." Way to ruin the gay dream. [R&M]
• You know what? Christopher Reeve totally deserved it. [Page Six]