For a man who is such an important father figure for bigots all across this great country, Donald Trump is not acting very fatherly.

Specifically, in the butt with your mom’s headless corpse on this goddamn lawn. Happy Father’s Day, everyone!

On the morning of the Father of the Year Awards Luncheon, I ran out of bread enough to even make cinnamon toast for my children, and I ended up serving them some Chocolate Chex and the last apple in the house. Not that I was going there to win Father of the Year. I was merely going to watch.

With songs like "Back to the Crib" and "Wet the Bed," Chris Brown has long alluded to his desire to become a parent, but a new report from TMZ says the singer got his wish a full nine months ago, siring a beautiful baby girl.

Not even the pomp and ritual of the White House can overcome the most powerful force known to man: TEEN CONTEMPT.

Some ding-a-ling microwaved a glow stick, even though his dad told him not to. Dummy!

It was this 6-month-old baby's dream to pilot a robot from the '90s video game franchise MechWarrior for his first Halloween—just kidding. Baby don't care. He's just enjoying the view while he fulfills the destiny his father set out for him before his birth.

Because behind every young girl screaming her little lungs out at a One Direction concert there's a dad, suffering in silence.

Allison Williams must be so embarrassed right now. Her dad, Brian, "reported" on the NBC Nightly News tonight her casting in NBC's forthcoming live production of Peter Pan. "Family members confirm that she's been rehearsing for this role since the age of three and they look forward to seeing her fly," he said on-air.

Duff Watson claims that he and his two daughters were forced off their Southwest Airlines flight from Denver to Minneapolis after he tweeted a complaint about the agent at the gate. Only after all three had exited the plane and the agent watched Watson delete the tweet were they allowed back on the plane. The agent apparently told him that his tweet constituted a security threat.

Joshua has 5 tattoos and counting, and his dad doesn't approve. Every time he gets some new ink, he shows his dad and films the disappointed reaction. Aw, geez.

Houston Astros prospect Conrad Gregor, playing for the Quad City River Bandits, launched his first home run of the season over the right-center field fence Saturday night, where a fan caught the ball and held it up. But not just any fan.

"Fancy," by America's current favorite Australian drag queen and agitator Iggy Azalea (and Charli XCX), is currently the number two song in the country. If you somehow still doubt the song's pervasive hook, know that it has officially been affirmed as mainstream by its canonization in the Dad Lip Dub Video genre of YouTube videos.

Ponder now the mysteries of the primordial kinship between father and his male offspring. Some fish; some have a catch. Some dads have heart attacks and shit their pants when their sons go on a sustained campaign to scare them. This is one of those father-son relationships.

Late-stage Alzheimer's disease can be a cruel and brutal thing, as the loss of vocabulary gives way to the inability to speak at all. That's the situation Lisa Abeyta's father finds himself in most days, but there's one thing that seems to help: the family dog.

Even the sourest among us can probably muster some happy tears for this older man who just found out his life is about to change in the nicest way possible.

Your dad in the 90s. Your dad in his den with a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels. Your dad when he met your mom at Club Ipanema in 1971. Like a choose-your-own-adventure edition of staying #ontrend, fashion is now easier than ever. Just take a page from pa's lookbook—casual, unfussy, and now replete with swaths of porny chest hair.

On Thursday, a Kansas judge ordered a man who donated sperm to a lesbian couple to pay child support, despite the fact that the man and the couple signed a contract waiving him of his parental rights.

This week, the New York Times made great strides in establishing itself as the paper of record of butts, publishing not one but two articles dedicated to the issue. One was about how men crave plump, juicy booties to fill out their dad jeans. The other: an ode to the dad jeans themselves, filled to bursting with men's plump, juicy booties.