As if Conde Nast didn't have enough to worry about: the New Guinea tribesmen suing the New Yorker for defamation now want a cool $45 million. Beware, reporters: Even your cab driver is lawyered up these days.

The New York Times has used "epic fail" twice in its pages, excluding coverage of the phrase itself: Once in September and once yesterday. Some people are upset. Just wait until the paper starts syndicating /b/ in, like, two months.

This little monkey, Spindler, has three parents. That's right! Three! How could this be? Because scientists are trying to play God and help eradicate potentially fatal diseases. Those bastards!

Some liberals and elected Democrats have asserted that the anti-health care reform town hall protesters are engaged in "astroturfing," a term meaning corporate-sponsored pretend grassroots activity. But Fox has definitively disproved that.

"Sopresso." "Brie." "Porcini Dusted Petite Filet." "Mascarpone Polenta." Do those sound like the sorts of things men of the people eat?

When Barack Obama made headlines by eating a hamburger this week, we were disappointed that he ruined his by ordering it medium-well. Sean Hannity, though, found something far worse.

Hey, here is an ad that will make you furious. Furious! It is about how the gay marriage will hurt these people. You've never seen so many infuriating lies in 60 seconds.

Vermont just became the latest domino to fall in the gay-marriage movement, with the state's legislature and senate voting overwhelmingly to override an earlier gubernatorial veto of a bill extending marriage rights to same-sex couples.

Now that long-running musical Rent has closed on Broadway, the inevitable, awful high school productions have begun. Which is ruffling parental and administrative feathers across the land. But, really, what's the big deal with Rent?

Guys have you heard about this stimulus bill? It is made up entirely of $1 trillion dollars spent on sex, filthy unreproductive sex!

Andrew Breitbart—the nicer half of the Drudge Report—has finally launched "Big Hollywood," his conservative Hollywood news site, which will end the stifling reign of Hollywood liberals. Let's take a look!

Senator Orrin Hatch is one of those easily caricatured figures of cartoonishly prudish conservativism, so naturally everyone back home in Utah is now furious with him for associating with black criminals.

Bored conservatives are up in arms over the new revision of the Oxford University Press' Junior Dictionary! The sun has finally set on the British Empire, now that "empire" is no longer listed in the Oxford University Press Junior Dictionary. Also cut: "aisle", "bishop", "chapel", and "monarch." You'll be disgusted to learn what words replaced those venerable old favorites.

"New [White House Hannukah] invites went out yesterday with a menorah on them and a note saying, 'Please accept our apologies.'" [Page Six, Previously]

Can still-president George W. Bush continue to wow us with asinine mistakes with a mere two months left in his presidency when he's so clearly checked out already? If his upcoming Hanukkah party is any indication, he's still got it! Attached, his invitation to the White House Hanukkah reception, sent to Jewish leaders across the nation. As you can see, the invite shows a Clydesdale delivering the traditional "Hanukkah Tree" to a White House decorated top to bottom in Hanukkah wreaths. Ha ha ha they just don't care.

Liberals are waging war on America's Second-Favorite Holiday: Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving is an annual feast celebrating the victory of Good God-Fearing Puritans over Cranberries and various Fowls. You can obviously understand why the PC Police hates Thanksgiving, the holiday celebrating kind European settlers in a New World and the noble savages who aided them in conquering this vast, empty continent. Just look how widespread, pervasive, and not-at-all-imagined this War on Thanksgiving has become! In Claremont, California, a liberal professor who specializes in "Native American literature" wrote a letter to her daughter's elementary school claiming the tradition of dressing children as "Pilgrims and Indians" was demeaning and racist. Now the school is going to cancel Thanksgiving, or at least the part where children dress in amusing stereotypes of traditional aboriginal American garb. Parents are furious!!!!

From Hollywood-residing Drudge-buddy Andrew Breitbart's new HuffPo for Conservatives to this sad Hollywood Reporter story on how conservatives in Tinseltown are an oppressed minority, everyone's talking about Showbiz Republicans! They are terribly mistreated, you know, by evil monster liberals who run that town. Sometimes they are called names at dinner parties! And also they are apparently fired all the time for being Republicans! Then they all get together in secret organizations to drink and talk about how bad they have it. It's just like being gay in rural Wyoming, right? Ha ha, just kidding. It's more like being the one Yankee fan in a Boston bar, and you also felt the need to wear your Jeter jersey. Dude, you went to Boston and put on your Jeter jersey, of course you got shit for it! Here's prominent famous successful Hollywood Republican Kelsey Grammer talking about how dangerous and hard it is being a Hollywood Republican:

Woody Allen doesn't get the kids today. Or, rather, he gets them, he just doesn't see that much value in their taste level. The prolific filmmaker sat down with New York magazine recently, for their 40th Anniversary issue, to discuss the changing city—and, you know, how it relates to the changing world, etc, etc, navel-gaze, navel-gaze. Basically he thinks culture has "coarsened," as evidenced by good smart kids, from schools like Yale and Columbia, who don't understand Fellini:

First, it was revealed that the giant fireworks footprints in Beijing's Olympics Opening Ceremonies were digitally manipulated fakes. Fakes! Sickening! Then came a more shocking revelation: even China's adorable little girls are forgeries.

Jay Babcock, former Los Angeles scenester and founder of the music/art mag Arthur, up and moved to Brooklyn recently. Why? "Culture in L.A. is in a race to the bottom, and all the smart and creative people there are [involved in] new ways to do social networking or figure out what YouTube video is going to get the most views. That isn't culture, it's pure pandering," he tells the L.A. Times today. Also: nobody in L.A. even noticed that he had moved: