Bernie Madoff is still at large. Prosecutors are trying to get the financier, accused of running a $50 billion Ponzi scheme, thrown in jail for mailing valuables to his brother. Including mittens!

A well-rested Bernie Madoff walked out of his apartment building for the first time in two weeks earlier today. The alleged scamster headed downtown for a bail hearing, accompanied by his attorney and a private investigator assigned to protect him. His lifestyle seems to have already been downgraded, alas—the car waiting for him was a four-door Ford Crown Victoria. But Bernie's fondness for shady behavior remains unaffected. Prosecutors ordered the bail hearing because they learned that Madoff mailed more than more than $1 million in jewelry to his sons on Christmas Eve. [FBN, NYP]

Last night, VH1 finally aired the Charm School reunion show where Sharon Osbourne and contestant Megan Hauserman got into a fight so epic, it sent Hauserman to the hospital (and to the LAPD).

While today brought good news for crime-accused Hollywood celebrities, how did Hollywood-adjacent folk heroes like Benjamin Button shooter James Cialella fare?

Blago faces impeachment! The embattled Illinois governor is about to become even embattleder, as the Illinois House rushes back to work (next week).

Being a celebrity is a double-edged sword: you're often more likely to find yourself involved in ridiculous, well-publicized crime, but at least it's easy to get acquitted!

In Newbury, Vermont, nobody touches you. They're always behind this metal and glass. Matt Dillon thinks we miss that touch so much, he drove at an insane 106 mph before being busted by police yesterday.

The Dow Jones industrial average will end the year down more than 34 percent, which makes it the worst year for the index since 1931. Just how much money has evaporated? About $7 trillion, which adds up to six years' worth of gains. On a cheerier note, there weren't any murders in Central Park in 2008, although you still have about eight hours or so to change that if you have nothing better to do this evening. [NYT]

Today is the day when accused swindler Bernie Madoff will turn over a list of all his assets to the SEC and detail where the cash he allegedly siphoned off is located. Madoff victims who are hoping to see a little restitution will be pleased to hear that Madoff has an extra $10,000 as of today: The statue that was stolen from his Palm Beach estate last week has resurfaced. It was returned to his property with a note: "Bernie the Swindler, Lesson: Return stolen property to rightful owners. Signed by–The Educators." [FINalternatives]

In a year where so much went wrong for Dane Cook—vagina-faced flops, dog poop lawsuits, and the public ire of Molly McAleer—at least the comedian could rely on his family. Or, maybe not!

Rod Blagojevich just had an awesome press conference announcing his selection of Roland Burris to the US Senate. Now no one knows what will happen.

Today brought news in two murder cases: the death of Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother and nephew, and the mysterious shooting of Mark Ruffalo's brother, Scott.

Two more victims of Bernie Madoff's giant Ponzi scheme: Kevin Bacon and his wife, Kyra Sedgwick, reports New York's Daily Intel, news that Bacon's publicist confirmed today. But there's good news for one other Madoff victim: Crain's reports that Yeshiva University, which previously indicated it had lost $110 million as part of the scam, now says it "only" lost $14.5 million, an error the school attributes to "fictitious numbers provided to it by Ezra Merkin."

Hahahaha criminal Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has exercised his right to make an appointment to the US Senate.

Noted mustachioed Judith Regan-sexing terror criminal Bernie Kerik pleaded not guilty to new counts of vile criminality that were recently added to all the old counts. [NYP]

The current issue of The New Yorker has the details on the frightening surge in dognappings on the Upper West Side: "There's a two-man team, with one in a gray hoodie on a bicycle who comes by and slices the leash with a razor, then goes away with the dog. The other guy calls you up later on and says, 'Hey, I found your dog! What's it worth to you?'" Sounds horrifying, yes, but don't get too panicked just yet. Although versions of the story have been circulating for weeks, the 20th Precinct on the UWS has yet to receive a single report from a dognapping victim. Or a dognapping victim's owner, at least. [NYer]

From left to right (click photo to enlarge): 1. Madoff Canvas Tote Bag; 2. Madoff Securities Cap; 3. Bernard Madoff Gray Fleece Blanket, 4. Bernard L. Madoff Backpack; 5. Bernard L. Madoff Emergency Kit; 6. Bernard L. Madoff Golf Umbrella; 7. Bernie Madoff Beach Chair; 8. Bernard Madoff Cigar Humidor; 9. Madoff Binoculars with Case; 10. Bernard L. Madoff Insulated Travel Bag; 11. Bernard Madoff - Actual Trading Statement (Copies); 12. Madoff Flashlight

• Lawyers for Madoff may be planning to mount an insanity defense if the case goes to trial. [NYDN]
• Madoff has until Wednesday to provide a list of all investments, loans, lines of credit, brokerage accounts and other holdings to the SEC. [Bloomberg]
• In the meantime, forensic accountants are looking into whether Madoff sent large sums of money to offshore accounts in places like the Caribbean. [Guardian]
• Not surprisingly, l'affaire Madoff should keep a long list of lawyers very busy for a very long time. [NYP]
• Although Latin Americans are believed to have been big losers in Madoff's scheme, very few have come forward to acknowledge the losses. [WSJ]
• A burglar stole a $10,000 statue from Madoff's Palm Beach estate. [NYP]
• Bernie Madoff's most famous neighbor, Matt Lauer, isn't so thrilled by the reporters camped outside their building on East 64th Street. [P6]

A picture is emerging of Santa-clad death sprayer Bruce Jeffrey Pardo's sorry life: a brain-damaged son he abandoned as a toddler, a beloved dog he lost in a divorce, and a murder plan gone awry.

Eric Roth, the writer behind current Brad Pitt vehicle The Curious Case of Benjamin Button as well as Forrest Gump, is suing the investment manager who put his money into Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. He joins a long list of people who say they lost millions in the alleged fraud.