Roman Polanski's finishing his final movie from his jail cell. What a hard worker!

A committed band of coots, cranks, and wingnuts in Williamsburg are ready to do whatever it takes to ensure that their neighborhood doesn't get one more wine bar, which would make all the gangs come in.

Incarcerated real estate bellwether Bernie Madoff reportedly got into a fist-throwing prison brawl! Which could more accurately be characterized as "two elderly men poking each other angrily while discussing financial strategies." Assuming it actually happened. Gang war!

There's something rotten in the state of Oklahoma. Or in the Oklahoma Governor's mansion, where three women allege they were raped by the former head chef and chief groundskeeper. The Governor's team, however, swears the place is safe. Um, really?

The long, criminally hipster tale of Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell has finally reached the portion of "Phase Three: Justice" where she receives her dramatic jail sentence.

"Vernon 'Ninja' Who Wanted To Beat Up Lieberman Arrested" [Courant via Gothamist]

The night before Joe Halderman was busted in a sting operation for trying to extort David Letterman out of $2 million, the Late Show aired a parody of a Geico ad that seems, in retrospect, rather prescient.

Maricopa County Sheriff and imprisoner of anyone Mexican-looking Joe Arpaio has had a political rival arrested on spurious charges and invited two publicity-starved DC Lewinsky-era GOP lawyers to Arizona to prosecute him.

There's something wrong with American college students these days. First there was poor Annie Le's murder at Yale. Now an unidentified man has been arrested for allegedly stabbing a female student at a UCLA chemistry lab. What the fuck's happening?

One of the amazing things about this screaming fight on a San Francisco Muni bus is the way the citizen cameraman deftly captures every moment. At one point he's even shooting over his shoulder. Cell phone cameras never sleep, straphangers.

The trial of Brooke Astor's son, who was charged with defrauding her because he's a greedy old prick: that was still going on, this whole time! Until now, because the verdict's in.

Joe Halderman, who is accused of attempting to extort $2 million out of David Letterman, ate lunch with a veteran Nashville homicide detective just days before he left a note demanding $2 million in Letterman's car.

In Sweden—Sweden!—criminals pull off daring cash depot heists with the aid of helicopters. What are America's baddest gangsters up to? Donut shop scams and fake raffles. Are our criminals going soft, and dumb? Yes.

The FBI suspected Anna Nicole Smith of scheming to have E. Pierce Marshall, the son of her oil tycoon husband, killed in order to clear the path to inheriting her husband's fortune, according to documents obtained by the Associated Press.

One of the last 48 Hours stories that CBS Newsman and accused David Letterman blackmailer Joe Halderman worked on—airing just one month before he allegedly launched his plot to extort the late-night host—involved a ransom scheme. Weird, huh?

Thirty year-old Melanie Chen of Ohio has been sentenced to eight years in jail for soaking friends and relatives for $800k for fraudulent "medical bills" and spending the money on "things that didn't matter." How derivative. [UPI]

Officials in Hardin, Montana have finally come to their senses and canceled their shady deal with the fraudulent American Police Force, which was set to take over the city's jail. The lawless, wild west prevails! [AP]

What happens to a dancehall reggae artist retired? Does he dry up, like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore, and then run? No. He moves to East New York and is attacked by a ninja-like swordsman.

Revered ABC News journalist and mother of two Cokie Roberts knows where she stands on Roman Polanski. And her take on justice involves a shallow grave.

We're taught to shoot for the stars, to be ambitious. Well screw that, because, as swindler Marc Dreier demonstrates, no matter how hard you try to be the best, someone will always be better.