Ken Starr—a famous investment adviser with a long list of celebrity clients, not the Clinton prosecutor—was arrested this morning and charged with running a Ponzi scheme. Also arrested: former NYC Council president Andrew Stein. Big scandal's afoot! [Updated]

Apple hates people walking off with its iPhones, but it's hard to imagine CEO Steve Jobs going as far as Roger Witter. The Oregon illustrator fired two rounds at thieves stealing iPhones from an AT&T store.

We always laugh when, say, someone's arrested for brazenly offering weed for sale on Craigslist. Our apologies to those fools. It turns out that the dumbest criminals of all are trying to pull off insider trading. Very, very poorly.

The Justice Department is looking into whether Apple's iTunes Store violated antitrust law, according to the New York Times. It's at least the fourth federal inquiry into the company in less than a year.

James O'Keefe, famed young fake ACORN pimp and Breitbart employee, has been found guilty of a misdemeanor for tampering with Sen. Mary Landrieu's office phones, in a "caper." Thunderous self-righteous Breitbart Twitter explosion...already here. [WP]

Puerto Rican-born US citizen Eduardo Caraballo was arrested in Illinois and threatened with deportation—back to Mexico. Once officials got his birth certificate, it only took them three days to figure out he wasn't Mexican. Uh.

Jamaica agreed to extradite drug boss Christopher 'Dudus' Coke to the US last week. His supporters said they'd fight to protect him, and barricaded themselves in a housing project. Now they've attacked police and set fire to a police station.

Lt. John Burge and his men electrocuted, suffocated and beat confessions out of black suspects in Chicago for 20 years, until 1993. Some of his victims ended up on death row. Jury selection has begun in his trial.

On Thursday art thieves broke into the Museum of Modern Art in Paris and stole $123m of paintings, including a Matisse and a Picasso. Yesterday two men got into the home of a collector in Marseille and stole five works.

Alabama preacher Anthony Hopkins murdered his wife in 2004, then stored her body in a basement freezer until police arrested him in 2008. He was sentenced today to life in prison plus 51 years. [AL.com]

Two Russian girls paid $3000 to come to America for work. They were told to report to a shady New York nightclub to become 'hostesses'. A concerned friend posted about it on Metafilter. They were apparently saved.

TV newsman Vince Dementri got in trouble at his old job in Philly for physically intimidating a coworker. Nevertheless, the (self-described) "fearless" news director at WPIX-11 in NYC hired him in March. Yesterday, DeMentri slapped a chauffeur. Whoops.

An intrepid masked thief, or thieves, broke into Paris' Museum of Modern Art yesterday and took five paintings by Picasso, Matisse, Braque, Modigliani and Leger, worth $123m. Officials admit, according to the BBC, that the alarm system was not working.

Jaunty underground vandalartist Poster Boy was sentenced to 11 months in prison by a cranky judge last week, but now he's free on bail. Facebook and stencil artist lobbyists really work. Run, Poster Boy! (Don't really). [Subway Art Blog]

Juliana Farrait-Rodriguez, the 70-year-old ex-wife of Frank Lucas—Denzel Washington's character in American Gangster—was arrested in Puerto Rico while trying sell two kilos of coke. Good for her, getting out and traveling like that, at her age. [NYDN]

Red alert! Starlet under fire! Noting that "actions speak louder than words," L.A. Judge Marshal Revel has issued a bench warrant for Lindsay Lohan, who skipped hearing about violating the terms of her DUI probation, because she's in Cannes.

A single slick art thief whose life is totally like a movie stole more than $600 million worth of paintings from the Paris Museum of Modern Art last night. Picasso! Matisse! Etc.! Click through for pictures of his superfamous haul.

Three would-be muggers attempting to rob a German exchange student in Sydney were foiled by, uh, ninjas. You know. Like the turtles. The lesson, obviously, is "Don't mug people outside a goddamn ninja school." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse, the Somali pirate lucky(?) enough to be brought to NYC for trial, pleaded guilty yesterday to the failed hijacking of Hero Captain Richard Phillips' ship. His case is unspeakably sad. But it could be worse!

Prosecutors say Adam Wheeler committed larceny and identity fraud, stealing $45,000 in Harvard scholarship money. Peers recall a quiet overachiever with a knack for grandiose self-description and a plan to become a lawyer—or so he told them.