Douglas Hughes is running for governor of California on a "pedophile removal" platform. He proposes shipping them off to a self-sufficient island of iniquity and tears. If the election doesn't go well, he can try reality TV? Curbed.com reports.

A federal appeals court ruled you can't be convicted of bank robbery based on your MySpace profile, even when your username is "Trigga" and has images of falling $100 bills and you holding a handgun. Make it rain freedom, baby.

We've all wanted to rob a free-standing ATM. It's just a fact. Well, a group of folks in NYC have actually gone and done it, going on an ATM-robbing spree. Costs two dollars every time, but it's worth it. [pic]

Russian hackers reportedly charge 10 to 20 cents for a compromised Twitter account. Sounds inflated.

In 2007, Swedish artist Lars Vilks drew a series of cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammad as a dog, with the intention of examining political correctness in art. He received international condemnation and death threats. Yesterday, he was attacked. Enough already.

Seven kindergarteners and a teacher were killed and 20 people were injured when an insane man attacked a school in northern China today with a kitchen cleaver. Among all trends, this Chinese school knife attack trend is the worst. [NYT]

You know the thing where parents force their kid to smoke a cigarette, to teach them that smoking's nasty? You get arrested for that now. Although to be fair, five is maybe too young. Also the mom had weed. [AP]

Celebrity robbery is a status symbol, but actress Amanda Peet isn't famous enough to fall victim to it, according to a juror who acquitted her accused robber yesterday: "We didn't really consider her a Nicole Kidman or anything like that."

More on yesterday's 11-month jail sentence for hometown subterranean vandalartist, Poster Boy: PB missed his May 6 court date, and was punished for it by an irate judge. Damn. His book is scheduled to be published June 1. [NYP, AnimalNY]

Popular subway vandalartist Poster Boy has reportedly been sentenced to 11 months in jail.

Today in "Why Detroit Can't Have Nice Things:" one Detroit newspaper caught a writer for another Detroit newspaper tagging up a brand new bridge—which was, by definition, the nicest thing in Detroit. Allow us to defend her crime!

Adedamola Olatunji lived in a small apartment on the South Side of Chicago. Where he pretended to be Ben Stiller, David Duchovny, Paul Haggis, Paul Schrader and Noah Baumbach and used their credit cards for iTunes and online dating.

Ex-New York Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno has been sentenced to two years in prison.

Ahmend Khalfan Ghailani will be the first Guantanamo Bay detainee to stand trial in America. Only he doesn't want to because he says the courthouse cavity searches "eat his soul."

For an incompetent terrorist, alleged Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad sure is provoking a lot of international incidents.

23-year-old Pakistani Mohammad Ajmal Amir Kasab, the only surviving gunman from the November 2008 Mumbai terrorist attack, was today sentenced to death by hanging on charges of murder and waging war against India. [Guardian, pic]

An indie filmmaker was shooting a robbery scene in a convenience store; passersby got scared and called the cops, who busted in and almost shot the fake robber. Same thing happened during the filming of 300 Days of Summer. [Gothamist]

Robert Halderman, the CBS producer who blackmailed David Letterman, was sentenced to six months today.

The FBI has filed its criminal complaint against Times Square Car Bomb suspect Faisal Shahzad. In it, they say that Shahzad admitted that he "recently received bomb-making training in Waziristan, Pakistan."

"At least two people" were arrested in Karachi, Pakistan for the Times Square car bomb.