Maria, a five-year-old Nigerian dwarf goat, was minding her own business in her owner's front yard in Santa Fe, New Mexico when a minivan pulled up and someone shot and killed her. The killers remain at large. [SF New Mexican]

Hey, what's the deal with all these NYC criminals wearing New York Yankees hats? Could it be the ubiquitous and overwhelming popularity of the Yankees in NYC, where they're based? That's a boring theory. Can't we blame Jay-Z somehow?

A California man who walked into a bank claiming to have a bomb, demanding $2,000 to pay his friend's rent, was arrested last week after a crafty bank manager convinced him to fill out a loan application. Genius! [via]

A Sacramento, California woman, Karen Washington is in jail after throwing bleach on her local popsicle man, who she says had ripped her off recently. Washington says she'd never "hurt anybody for revenge, not for no ice cream." [CBS; via]

David Brooks, the man infamous for throwing his daughter an elaborate bat mitzvah featuring performances by 50 Cent and Aerosmith, was convicted of insider trading and other crimes today. We hope, in some part, that party led to the verdict.

A student wearing a bullet-proof vest cut the throat of a dean at Kansas City's Metropolitan Community College-Penn Valley today, before a press conference where Missouri's governor was expected to speak only minutes later. The dean is still alive.

A British judge sentenced washed-up singer George Michael to eight weeks in jail after he admitted to crashing his car while stoned in July. He should move to America. Here, celebrities get 37 seconds in jail for the same crime.

What would you do if you were fired from Domino's Pizza? Would you dress up in your old uniform and claim to be from a "secret Domino's unit"? Would you torch two stores? That's what Jamal Thomas allegedly did.

Michael Enright—the aspiring filmmaker who allegedly slashed a cab driver in New York because he was Muslim—was denied bail on Monday after his lawyer argued that Enright was suffering from PTSD and was an alcoholic, The Times reported.

This weekend, Philadelphia police arrested 27-year-old Robert Nickson Jr. (pictured) and charged him with statutory rape. One mistake? Posting pictures of himself and his underage fiancée to Facebook. The other mistake? Trying to marry a 14-year-old girl. [via]

When his wife didn't cook his eggs right for breakfast, 47-year-old Kentucky resident Stanley Neace got so angry he killed her, his stepdaughter and three neighbors—then shot himself. He was facing eviction for his bad temper. [Daily Mail]

What's more surprising: The fact robbers in New Hampshire used Facebook Places to learn when homeowners were out of the house, or the fact we're surprised by this after Pleaserobme.com so effectively demonstrated the criminal possibilities of location-based social networking?

Ponzi schemer to the stars Ken Starr pleaded guilty today to wire fraud, money laundering, and investment advisor fraud; his plea deal will put him behind bars for10-12 years. His pole-dancing wife was "notably absent" from the courtroom. [image via]

Dangerously unpredictable manufactured pop sensation Justin Bieber was "horsing around" with some friends before a concert when he threw two water balloons at Maryland State Troopers, one of which burst. Biebs, assaulting a police officer is a felony!

A dozen American soldiers in Afghanistan are being charged in connection with an alleged string of murders of Afghani civilians "for sport." Investigators say the soldiers killed random civilians, and took their fingers as souvenirs.

Moms and dads, you might be disappointed with how your kids turned out. But always remember it's not as bad as it could be. Edgar Valdez Villarreal went from a high school football star in Texas to Mexican drug lord.

Michael Marino, a Deputy Chief with the NYPD, has been suspended for 30 days for being caught using human growth hormone in 2007. A small price to pay for its invigorating effects!

Federal prosecutors have charged the ex-soldier who took three hostages at a Georgia military hospital yesterday with kidnapping, armed assault, and making threats to kill Barack Obama and Bill Clinton.

Steven Slater—the JetBlue flight attendant who stormed off the job via inflatable slide—reported to court today as he negotiates with prosecutors to avoid jail time. While awaiting their moment before the judge, Slater's lawyer shared some new details.

Just a few days after a stranger threw acid in a Washington woman's face, an M.O.-stealing copycat has attacked another woman in Arizona.