Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly has a question: "A man beats a 100 pound woman into a coma over a parking space. He claims she deserves it. Could he be right? In Kelly's Court!" Never have so many wrongs been contained in the space of a single tweet. Let us count them:

Is this... it? The heralded jewelry store surveillance tape that either nails LiLo to the ground as a thief, or proves her innocence? Because all I see is proof that helicopter camera angles do wonders for LiLo's cleavage.

Deposed Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak and his klepto family have lost an appeal in Cairo Criminal Court that orders all of the family's assets frozen, including real estate, cash, securities and bank holdings. The family's travel ban was also kept in place. You're shit outta luck, Hos!

Likely-murderous Dutchman Joran van der Sloot — facing a first-degree murder charge for killing a young Peruvian woman, Stephany Flores last year — intends to use a "violent emotion" defense. Van der Sloot's lawyer says he lost it when he caught Flores looking at Natalee Holloway stuff on his laptop. According to the AP:

Police in Oregon received two calls on Monday night: One from a homeowner whose place had been broken into. And the other from the guy who broke into the house.

Once upon a time, pickpockets were somewhat revered for their craft. Or, at least according to former pickpockets. There were even schools where they could sharpen their skills. But surveillance technology and the widespread use of credit cards caught up with them, and pickpocketing has been on a steady decline for the last 20 or so years.

OK, it's still a crime. But can we say the guy who stole almost $250,000 from an airplane's hold by crawling through the bathroom earned, maybe, $100,000 of it?

Jared Lee Loughner, the man accused in the January shooting spree in Tucson, was indicted on additional federal murder charges by a grand jury yesterday for allegedly murdering "participants at a federally provided activity," the Justice Department announced Friday.

Jeffrey Locker (pictured) was a motivational speaker. He was good enough to motivate a random guy that he met on the street, Kenneth Minor, to take his ATM card in exchange for holding a knife as Locker repeatedly impaled himself on it, and died.

David Lynch, a prominent white supremacist and leader of the neo-Nazi group National Alliance, was found shot to death in his home in Citrus Heights, Calif. on Wednesday. Police say it's "too soon to speculate on a motive" for the murder, but, shockingly, it may have something to do with meth.

Rodney King was pulled over and cited for driving without a license one day before the 20th anniversary of his riot-sparking beating. Meanwhile LAPD Chief Charlie Becker said a similar beating could never happen in this day and age.

Poor Katrina Epperson. She was returning to her North Carolina home after getting a license to open a day care center in her residence when she and her boyfriend, Christopher Webb, were arrested for also running a meth lab out of the house. Talk about utilizing the space!

New York City police busted a marijuana-growing operation inside a house in Staten Island Monday that was so skunky that—and we are directly quoting a leading tabloid here—"cops who raided the place nearly got stoned, police said." That's right: "You almost got a contact high by just going into the house," said a law-enforcement source. "It was like a heavy, earthy pot smell."

Ken "Accountant to the Stars" Starr has been sentenced to 7 1/2 years in prison for his $30 million Ponzi scheme, through which he bilked the likes of Uma Thurman and Martin Scorcese. Of course his ex-stripper wife will wait patiently for Starr, even though he will no longer be there to buy her $70,000 bracelets with stolen money.

Christopher Michael Carroll sped 35 miles down a northern California highway, reaching 100mph—all with his wife clinging to the hood. From the AP:

Bradley Manning, the army intelligence analyst accused of leaking reams of classified data to Wikileaks, has been hit with 22 additional charges. One of them is "aiding the enemy," which carries the death penalty.

Theodora Richards, one of Keith Richards's perpetually nude model/socialite daughters, was arrested in New York last night for tagging "T♥A" on a Soho building with a paint marker. She was taken into custody, and when searched by the cops, weed and Xanax was discovered.

Neil Strauss, America's favorite awful porn-star ghostwriter and creepy vagina wrangler, has taken up the fight against American's criminals. His book The Game is, according to a press release his publicist sent us yesterday, "required reading for FBI agents," and he was recently asked to train a group of agents on his patented techniques for mesmerizing women/defeating villains.

L.A. authorities have "no desire" to prosecute Christina Aguilera for public intoxication. In a prepared statement, the Sheriff said Aguilera's arrest last night "was just for a public safety issue. When she was able to navigate and to think on her own and make her own way, she was released." Boyfriend Matthew Rutler may still be on the hook for a DUI. [People, image via Getty]

In Bell, California, America's Most Corrupt Little Town, the police department's role was to 1) Help the "disabled" distance-runner police chief as he took all of the city's money; and 2) To find new ways to steal from the poor.