We've never known David Cronenberg to pull any punches, which is why we're more than a little skeptical of the Rosanna Arquette Crash BreastMilkGate scandal presently unfolding thanks to Page Six. It all goes back to 1996, when the actress joined Cronenberg's infamous NC-17 paean to car-crash sexuality less than a year after giving birth to her first daughter. The director, whose handling of everything from mutant children to maggot babies over the years seemed so normal until then, later gave the elder, breastfeeding Arquette a long once-over before her sex in the wreckage with James Spader:

The government just released video of the first ever B-2 stealth bomber crash (that they'll admit), from Andersen Air Force Base in Guam. No one was injured, but that's more than a billion dollars worth of plane up in smoke. Vid after the jump.

When we briefly worked through the ramifications of the interim deal that Lionsgate struck with the WGA late last week, our thoughts immediately turned to the eventual resumption of production of the company's critically acclaimed, hit TV properties like Mad Men, daring to dream that our favorite hard-drinking, secretary-despoiling ad execs might find their way back to AMC in the not-too-distant future. But we never thought to consider the potential dark side of LG's television business lurching back into action, and so were shocked to learn this afternoon that the studio is partnering with Starz, our go-to premium-cable movie outlet when HBO seems to be showing nothing but Just My Luck and The Devil Wears Prada, to adapt subtle, multiple-Oscar-winning L.A. race-parable Crash for the small screen. The good news: according to Var, "high production values" and the participation of the original, uniquely heavy-handed creative team will ensure a viewing experience every bit as fulfilling as your original trip to the multiplex. The bad news:

We'd like to offer our gratitude to an attentive reader, who pointed us to today's AFP story on a lawsuit Crash director Paul Haggis recently filed against producer Bob Yari, which for one fleeting, poorly fact-checked moment righted one of Hollywood's most egregious wrongs. Even though the wounds inflicted by those heavy hands had long ago healed, briefly revisiting what could have been was still a nice way to begin this Tuesday morning.

It seems that the Academy Awards' Ellen DeGeneres Era, one marked by frequent tuxedo changes and playful trips into the Kodak Theater audience for some daytime-talkshow-quality banter with nominees struggling to stay awake during the punishingly long telecast, is over, as it's been announced that 2006 host Jon Stewart has been reinstalled at the Oscar podium, allowing the comedian to forfeit his membership in Hollywood's shameful Chris Rock/David Letterman Memorial One-and-Done Club.

The grad student who was driving David Halberstam during the journalist's fatal accident will be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter. [AP]

With less than two hours left before the official 5 p.m. deadline for all the Oscar ballots lovingly completed by busy Academy members' undocumented domestics (really, who has time to watch all those screeners?) to arrive at the L.A. office of PriceWaterhouseCoopers, it seems like a good time to look at what happens once all the votes are in and carefully tabulated by AMPAS's anointed bean-counters. Reuters describes the "ritualistic secrecy" that ensures the integrity of the process:

Today's NY Times updates us on the progress of the ongoing legal feud between producer Bob Yari, the Crash producer suing the Academy for denying him the opportunity to take the stage after the film's Best Picture win last year and bask in his share of the heavy-handed racism fable's Oscar glory by emotionally declaring, "Tonight, I won't need to drive my SUV into the side of a van full of illegal Chinese immigrants just to feel something," and the whole fucking system trying to keep renegade, studio-eschewing producers like him down, sharing with the world excerpts from an e-mail exchange between Yari's camp and a defiant Bruce Davis, executive director of AMPAS, who says that Yari can pry his next Governors Ball invite from his cold, dead hands:

Sometimes, the gods are tired of whispering that you should get the hell out of New York, and they raise their voices a bit — not once, but twice. Turns out that Kathleen Caronna, whose apartment bedroom was destroyed by the impact of Cory Lidle's plane, was also the same woman nearly killed by a rampaging six-story Cat in the Hat balloon during the 1997 Macy's Thanksgiving parade. (Not to be confused with the rampaging M&M balloon during the 2005 parade.) Caronna was in a coma for a month, though she eventually recovered and won an undisclosed but no doubt handsome settlement from Macy's. In a stroke of luck — or at least, less bad luck — Caronna wasn't home during the plane crash, though she was en route there. Perhaps it's time for a nice home in the country, with no tall buildings, aircraft, or parades.

While there's still no evidence that Yankees relief pitcher Cory Lidle was committing suicide when his plane crashed into an Upper East Side high-rise, the still unresolved (or at least unannounced) issue of who was piloting the plane (either Lidle or his flight instructor, Tyler Stanger, pictured above) will have significant financial consequences for Lidle's family. Much like the Phillies' draconian contract penalties for engaging in high-risk activities, there's a caveat in the death benefit plan under which Lidle was covered via the players' union. Lidle's family would normally receive $1.5 million in the event of his accidental death — unless said accident occurred during aircraft travel where Lidle was "acting in any capacity other than as a passenger." Something to bear in mind for those professional ballplayers moonlighting as flight attendants.

This is from a letter printed in AM New York this morning. Take about having your finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist! We're have no idea who Stanley Saji of Brooklyn is, but we're pretty sure you don't want to get on his bad side.

If there's one thing we know about athletes, it's that they're always up for taking their own lives. Terrell Owens taught us that. And while authorities aren't saying Cory Lidle committed suicide, they're not saying he didn't commit suicide either. Therefore he did. That's what we call journalism. A tipster reports some journalism perpetrated by CNN's Nancy Grace:

• According to the AP, it's still unclear if there was any distress call or not from the plane before the crash.

It's a tough call as to whether or not this is worse than ESPN's "Lidle, Munson share a connection" (um, yeah), but, at the very least, it certainly out-tackies the News'

• The National Transportation Safety Board presented preliminary findings at an 11 p.m. press conference, saying that the engine, mounting, and propeller of Cory Lidle's plane were found lodged into the burned-out 30th/31st-floor apartments that the plane struck. The fuselage, wheels, other parts, and the bodies of Lidle and his flight instructor were found on the street below.

• CNN reports that the second person on the plane (and the second fatality) was Cory Lidle's flight instructor, but no name has been released, nor is it clear who was at the controls. Incredibly, no injuries reported in the building itself.

You know, Alec Baldwin was great in the The Departed, but that doesn't mean he can bully his way past a police line. We recognize that Cory Lidle's plane crash and death might have interfered with Baldwin's commute, and after all, any tragedy could benefit from Baldwin's trademark brand of masculine gravitas. But give it time, man. Too soon.

Craigslist's censors are working overtime to remove swarms of jokey classified ads for apartments in the building hit by Cory Lidle's plane. Trust us, even discounting the black humor factor, they're not funny. But maybe if we run one, you'll stop clogging up our inbox with the hilarious forwards that came over the interoffice mailing list? Please? OK, deal. Click after the jump if you must, knowing that we in no way endorse the following. We won't bother to link, as the following ad is already gone.

Current updates on the Manhattan plane crash:

More on the crash of Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle's plane on the Upper East Side: Deadspin finds this photo of Lidle and his plane, and a quote from his former teammate, Arthur Rhodes, who had this to say about Lidle after he was traded to the Yanks in July: "The only thing Cory Lidle wants to do is fly around in his airplane and gamble. He doesn't have a work ethic."