Remember The Lost Boys, that Two Corey's plus Jason Patric, Jamie Gertz, and Kiefer Sutherland vampire cult flick that you lurved so much when you were younger? You know, because it was dark and hip and funny and a little bit punk (for, you know, a studio monster movie)? Now, roughly forty-six years since the film premiered, a sequel called Lost Boys: The Tribe is being foisted upon this weary world. It looks exactly as cheap and schlocky as one would expect. Find a trailer after the jump, and then oh! stay tuned for the surprisingly articulate and lucid Corey Feldman getting in depth about the philosophy of the Lost Boys realm. It's just a tiny bit devastating.

With 21 years dividing the first The Lost Boys from its sequel The Lost Boys 2: Return to Lost Boys Island (An Interactive Sing n' Say DVD Adventure), we weren't expecting much from its trailer premiere on MTV.com; recapturing adolescent-vampire lighting-in-a-bottle, after all, seemed to us as unlikely a scenario as Corey Haim securing work from a trade ad announcing his splashy return to the game. Just like we feared, the results are decidedly mixed, as while Santa Carla's immortal tweens population still seems to be up to all manner of bloodsucking hoodlumism, the complete absence of Corey Feldman's name-sharing, platonic life-partner from the proceedings suggests to us that Haim's eventual inclusion in the production whose shunning once made him cry was symbolic at best.

Corey Haim is back, Hollywood, and he knows that he's let you down in the past by never realizing the tantalizing promise he displayed in License to Drive, Dream a Little Dream and Blown Away, but he's ready to get to work and heal the wounds caused by his long absence from your television and film sets.

· With the 65th Golden Globes Awards having succumbed to the strike plague, all eyes turn to its far wealthier and more powerful cousin Oscar, whose coughing up of blood into a lace handkerchief doesn't strike us as a good omen. [Variety]
· The loss of the Globes was the first real sting felt by the film industry since the start of the strike, resulting in studio executives demanding of a supposedly merciful God how He could have allowed them to go about all that For You Consideration campaigning in vain. [Variety]

Got six to eleven grand? 'Cause aging 80s teen heartthrob Corey Haim is selling his "Autographed 'Two Coreys' Snowboard" and an original "SILVER BULLET Jacket—Worn by COREY HAIM" on eBay! (At least it's not his teeth and hair this time.) His official website confirms the listing. (Maybe he's doing this so he can actually buy "Coreyhaim.com" some day!) Sad? Or is everybody just completely shameless now?

· Corey Haim's off again, on again appearance in the direct-to-video sequel to The Lost Boys is looking to be off again. Prepare for waterworks.
· You: "Asian Girl over 18 bleached Blond." Him: "FAMOUS." It's a match made in heaven!
· "I have come to Syria and Iraq to help draw attention to the humanitarian crisis and to urge governments to increase their support for UNHCR and its partners." That's fine and dandy, Angelina, but when are you going to tape a YouTube message with helpful tips for pronouncing Nouri al-Maliki?
· A cornucopia of those animated TV logos from the '70s and '80s.
· Ang Lee's latest film is listed by the Venice International Film Festival as coming from "Taiwan, China," and thus a political controversy is born. Brokeback Mountain was a gay cakewalk compared to this mess.

We've only just begun to recover from posting a shattering clip from A&E's The Two Coreys, in which Corey Haim learns from best friend Corey Feldman that his services would not be required in a direct-to-video Lost Boys sequel. (We have found some comfort from an internet rumor suggesting differently.) Still, life goes on for the best friends and fallen teen idols: In the above sequence—which, like the best documentary filmmaking, barely hints at the cameras lurking just inches away—Haim accidentally stumbles into Feldman's full-clothed lovemaking session with his wife. It's but the latest canned humiliation in what will surely be a string of many to come for the star of Lucas—and one that, God help us, makes us long for the charisma and credibility of A&E's former reality stooges, the Sons of Hollywood.

So distraught was one of our readers after watching the heartbreaking, lightly scripted Two Coreys moment where Corey Feldman devastates Corey Haim with news that a straight-to-video sequel to Lost Boys would be going forward without him (hell, even the Lesser Frog Brother probably got a call) that our compassionate operative immediately took to Craigslist to try and find the wounded Haim some companionship to get him through this difficult time. And Craigslist, that online lamp inhabited by millions of anonymous genies ready to fulfill even the most outlandish of wishes, predictably yielded help:

We're reluctant to even share with you this sad clip from The Two Coreys, A&E's attempt at catching up with conjoined Tiger Beat fantasy-duo Haim and Feldman since their spectacular career flameouts of the late 80s. In it, Feldman is forced to deliver the difficult news that the sequel to the movie that originally introduced the lifelong friends—The Lost Boys 2: Return to Lost Boys Island: An Interactive Sing n' Say DVD Adventure—has been rushed into production. But while Corey F. has been approached by producers for a cameo, Corey H. had not—a fact that hits the beret-sporting former teen idol hard, as he comes to realize that his limited acting gifts will never again be required (outside of highly canned reality shows that rely on the enduring entertainment value of observing wash-ups in their native habitat).

Remember the mid-'80s? Some of us do! And some of us were just at the right age to have a massive crush on Corey Haim. Remember how cute he was in Lucas? And The Lost Boys? And of course, his crowning achievement of the '80s, his star vehicle (sorry) License to Drive, with the other Corey, Corey Feldman, who was a much better actor but like one-sixteenth as hot. (Also! Everyone always forgets that Heather Graham played the hot chick in that movie! Weird!) Anyway, it always pains us to hear that our favorite child stars aren't doing as well as their once-bright futures portended. Today, we received a sighting that seemed to indicate that might be the case.

Amazingly, when MSN TV conceived of an online advice column penned by not one, but both halves of the two-headed '80s Hollywood heartthrob hydra known as "the Coreys," both Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were available for the gig! Here's how it works: