Thanks to this week's sponsors, we can continue to bring you breaking reports about Jackson Pollis's nipples for another week. Interested in joining their valiant ranks? More info here. After the jump, we continue to sing their praises, and tell you how you can win a $150 gift card to the Levi's Store merely by sending an email. Sponsored by: Levi's Jeans The Original Definitive Jeans Brand. Find your Levi's Style Online: www.levisstore.com.

Preliminary results are in, and the quest to replace 'Douchebag' in our insult lexicon is going well — well, sort of. Despite all your helpful emails and comments, we're still looking for something with douchebag's je ne sais quoi. The way it trips off the tongue in two syllables is especially important, we've noticed, so that unfortunately eliminates all the choads, snatches, and pricks from the running to be America's Next Top Word That Means Douchebag. And extra points will be awarded if the epithet has douchebag's remarkable ability to be shortened (douche, d-bag) and lengthened (douchebaggery, douchebaguette, douche-o-matic, doucheology, etc). What we're getting at, dear twatwaffles, is that in spite of your Tourette's-y outbursts yesterday, we're still looking. Write or comment, and do it soon — we left the Balneol in the office lavatory, and let's just say that this is one busy household.

Now that half of us have a vagina (it's like Middlesex!) there's been some discussion of the whole D-word issue. Don't get us wrong. It's not that (50%) of our delicate ladyish sensibilities are offended or anything; far from it. It's just that, as vagina-havers, we want to branch out a little bit in the realm of vagina-related insults. Also, we couldn't help but notice that the trope is now so bitten and tired, it pretty much begs to be called "Already Over" (if Already Over wasn't Already Over, obvs). Plus, Dolce has co-opted it for his own use. What a fucking asswizard!
But after scraping the barrel-bottom pretty hard, we couldn't come up with a replacement term of insultdearment. So we turn to you, dear readers. What is the new word we'll be overusing compulsively? Email, or just leave 'em in the comments. The winning neologist will receive a bottle of luxurious Balneol Perianal Cleansing Lotion, pictured above. It may not seem like much, but according to a commenter at drugstore.com, "it will last at least 6 to 8 months even in the most busy of households." Rules here.

Thanks to this week's sponsors, our blogging fingers remain safe from Jared Leto. Care to join them? More info here.

A breathy thanks to this week's sponsors, most of whom are financial backers of every Meatpacking District venue we've mentioned this week. Interested in our dirty machinations? More info here.

Thanks to this week's sponsors, who always make sense. Interested in joining them? More info here.

Thanks to this week's sponsors, whose blood money allows us to buy that ridiculous striped balloon dress thingy that Marc Jacobs just showed. Fabulousness! Interested in putting us in your pocket? More info here.

Thanks to this week's sponsors, who are all thin and smart. Care to join them? More info here.

Want a chance to win the Triple Oxygen Treatment at Bliss Spa? Of course you do! Here's why and how:

Thanks to this week's sponsors, none of whom are bitter, angry men incapable of dealing with the advancement of women in the corporate world. Care to join them? More info here.

Thanks to this week's sponsors, who would never, ever force us to blog about our dating life and do whatever our readers dictated. More info here.

Second Place: Getting ass-raped by a Production Assistant. At home.

It's time again to thank this week's sponsors, none of whom would pull a prank on local news while children were watching. Interested in joining the club? More info here.

Our wonderful advertisers helping us afford our slutty lifestyle, and they still tell us they'd marry us. Want to help boost our self-esteem? There's info here.

Third time's the charm, right? You're just so smart and clever that — yet again — our advertisers are dying to know what makes you click. And they're happy to bribe you to find out. Take a survey and get a chance to win a $500 gift certificate to Bliss Soho plus two tickets to Corinne Bailey Rae's sold-out show tonight at the Bowery Ballroom. Details are after the jump.

Thanks to this week's sponsors, who would never cut our anti-terror funding. Interested? More info here.

Here we go again. Advertisers just lurve you guys, and so they want to know all about you. (Where'd you get such beautiful eyes? How come you're so charming? What are you doing later on tonight?) To get you to put out, they're happy to shell out — with a free pair of tickets to see T Bone Burnett with Jakob Dylan, opening tonight at Town Hall.

A teary thanks to this week's sponsors, who've helped us to learn how to properly use a car-seat. Interested in teaching us basic parenting skills? More info here.

Yes, this is the bone-chilling laugh of Google VP-and-spokeswoman Marissa Mayer. Yes, someone sampled it over a beat and sent it in. Yes, we all have too much time on our hands. Now listen.

Jeff Bercovici, the sharply dressed but nevertheless heterosexual media editor of Women's Wear Daily, won Gawker's High-Stakes Ellies Pool Tuesday night by correctly predicting winners in 10 of 22 National Magazine Award categories. Now officially known as the Most Accuratest Media Pundit in New York, Bercovici today accepted the remainder of his prize: The coveted Gawker Ellie, delivered over lunch at — where else? — Michael's.