Popular paranoid congresswoman Michele Bachmann, founder of the House Tea Party Caucus, must've caught her somethin' terrible last week, for she was hospitalized Friday! What liberal virus crept into her? No one knows, but hey, she's recovering nicely.

Arizona Rep. Raul Grijalva closed his Yuma office this morning after staff found "a window shattered and a bullet inside." Grijalva has vocally opposed the new Arizona immigration law, a less-controversial version of which goes into effect today. [Image: AP]

House Democrats have passed 10 billion bills in the last year, only to watch them die in America's plutocratic cigar lounge, the Senate. Now some House Dems are pissed enough to sit-in on the Senate and stare at senators, angrily.

Hey, your Congress did something today! The House passed a bill (already passed by the Senate) to reduce a relic of '80s-style freak-out legislation: reducing the massive disparity between powder and crack cocaine prison sentences.

The Hill has released its 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill list, and, well... Republicans win! (Democrats, who actually work, look tired.) Other highlights: Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand comes in at #3 (?), and Scott Brown refused to pose naked.

While nothing short of a mobilized Allied army seems capable of forcing Rep. Charlie Rangel out of Congress, the House ethics committee will charge him with official ethics violations, essentially setting up a trial — the first in eight years.

Minnesota's greatest, Michele Bachmann, and several other patriotic congressmen held a presser today announcing the launch of the House Tea Party Caucus! Her office also released a list of inaugural members — some of whom didn't know they'd signed up.

Now this is a weird story: apparently the congressional ethics office is investigating some congressmen for fundraising from industries that are subject to pending legislation. Suddenly Washington's absolute favorite activity, overt bribery, is worthy of selective investigation?

Rick Barber, the wannabe Republican candidate for Congress in Alabama, lost his runoff election, despite his informative and educational television ads, which featured him in conversation with various founding fathers, and Abraham Lincoln.

[A shot from the Capitol in Washington today as the casket of Senator Robert Byrd is removed from the building and placed into a hearse. He was the nation's longest-serving congressman before his death on Monday. Image via Getty]

Since Scott Brown is scared of making enormous banks pay a few bucks to implement financial regulatory reform, Congress has re-opened "closed" negotiations and will probably take the cash from either small banks or your tax dollars. Seriously. [Image: AP]

West Virginia Senator Robert C. Byrd died today at age 92, after being hospitalized for heat exhaustion and severe dehydration last week. Byrd was the longest serving member of Congress in US history. [Washington Post]

Once upon a time, Rep. Steve Cohen (D-TN) dreamed of being the first white member of the Congressional Black Caucus. Now he's content to bob his head and hike up his khakis while black people rap at his rallies.

Colorado Rep. Jared Polis is a violent madman. Why is this demented photo of him smiling in the car with a bloody face on his Twitter?

In a very forced announcement, Rep. Joe Barton apologizes for apologizing earlier to Tony Hayward over Obama's BP "shakedown." And, in a separate release, he says, "I retract my apology to BP." Dear God. Tony Hayward looks so confused.

Texas Rep. Joe Barton, who's more or less an employee of the oil industry, delivered an incredible statement to comical BP CEO Tony Hayward this morning, apologizing for the White House's $20 billion dollar "shakedown" fund.

BP CEO and "guy who's fun to yell at" Tony Hayward will testify in Congress tomorrow! Sucks to be him. His only strategy: make the panel cry with a depressing, hammy opening statement, a window into his prison of despair.

Despised BP CEO Tony Hayward will testify in Congress next week. Uh oh.

Vaughn Ward—the Sarah Palin™-brand, speech-robbing, Puerto Rico-bashing, "establishment" Congressional candidate—lost Idaho's Republican first-district primary to Tea Party-backed Raul Labrador, a known Puerto Rican, yesterday. What? The Tea Party voted against Sarah Palin and for a foreigner??? Unbelievable. [WSJ]

The North Carolina Republican Party is going after Tea Party congressional candidate Tim D'Annunzio because he is a druggie, deadbeat dad who once found the Ark of the Covenant (in Arizona). And he is ahead in polls.