Republicans rarely miss a chance to go out of their way to stick it to the hippies and their twee environmental issues when they take power. When Ronald Reagan became president, for example, he stripped off the modest cluster of solar panels Jimmy Carter had installed on the White House roof, just to make the point that America shouldn't see its long addiction to hydrocarbons as something worth changing. And now, as part of the Tea Party Revolution, House Republicans are getting rid of the biodegradable utensils and food and drink containers that Nancy Pelosi introduced in the House cafeteria, in favor of the more traditional and evil styrofoam.

Watson, the IBM supercomputer know-it-all asshole that crushed its meager human competition a few weeks ago on Jeopardy!, has some new flesh-and-blood to feast on tonight: Four members of Congress. Unfortunately, the carnage won't be televised. Humans still have a tenuous control over the airwaves, which Watson's cold, dangerously self-aware claws have yet to conquer. And these humans don't want their humiliation broadcast across the country. C'mon, you four! We'd understand.

Congress, after taking all of last week off, now finds itself with only four days left to fund the federal government before everything shuts down. And, of course, the House Republicans and Senate Democrats are nowhere near reaching a final agreement. So what's the plan? Oh, you know this: Pass a bill that stalls for another two weeks!

Republicans and Democrats have been blocking each others' bills for so long that no one can remember how to pass one when everybody finally agrees. The Onion News Network reports on the crisis.

Above is a picture of Democratic Oregon representative David Wu wearing a fuzzy tiger costume uncovered by the Portland alt-weekly Wilamette Week. Wu sent the picture to some staffers from his official Blackberry early on a Saturday morning last October, which raises some questions.

You see this, leeches? If you want a handout, don't go asking freshman Republican Rep. Dan Benishek, who is a medical doctor. His staff didn't spend all its time making this banner and posting it to Facebook for people to not see it. "If you are here to ask for more money, you're in the wrong office!" Can he be much clearer? So don't even try, because it's not going to happen. Dan Benishek is not your ATM, damnit. Says right there on the huge banner in the middle of his office.

The House Republicans' top anti-abortion guy, Rep. Chris Smith of the lovely No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act fame, was reading some graphic details of abortion cases in the chamber last night. This is America's National Bedtime Story routine, now that Republicans are back in power, and it should continue even after they've defunded Planned Parenthood.

With Republican Senator Jon Kyl announcing that he would retire at the end of his current term, Democrats on Thursday discussed Gabrielle Giffords as a potential candidate for the seat, according to Politico. Giffords is said to have been interested in running for Senate before she was shot last month, and would certainly be a front runner for the job. Obviously, Giffords' recovery is the first priority, and no one can be sure if she'll be fully recovered by then, or if she'll even want to run.

The 34-year-old Marylander whose Craigslist flirtation drew a resignation from a U.S. Congressman has advice for ex-Rep. Christopher Lee's wife: "Go get tested." We talked to Lee's would-be lover by phone this morning and rehashed the last 24 hours.

Three hours after his shirtless Craigslist antics appeared on this site, Rep. Chris Lee (R-NY) announced his resignation from the U.S. House of Representatives. Moments ago his office sent the following press release to the media:

"I have to work this out with my wife." —Craigslist Congressman Christopher Lee, to Fox News.

Rep. Christopher Lee is a married Republican congressman serving the 26th District of New York. But when he trolls Craigslist's "Women Seeking Men" forum, he's Christopher Lee, "divorced" "lobbyist" and "fit fun classy guy." One object of his flirtation told us her story.

Congress, having discovered Facebook last year, can't get enough of asking Mark Zuckerberg questions about its privacy policies. They just sent him a letter grilling him about Facebook's plan to give third-party developers access to more user data.

The Republican-controlled House is considering limitations on federal funding for abortion that could be a crown jewel of the leadership's attempt to show constituents there's a new, socially conservative sheriff in town — if anyone was willing to discuss it.

Rep. Dennis Kucinich has settled his case against the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria, which sold him a "dangerous" olive pit-filled sandwich in 2008 that destroyed his teeth. Kucinich announced the settlement with a gross statement this afternoon.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich bought a sandwich from the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria in April 2008, and bit into it only to find an unpitted olive that cracked a tooth. This month, he sued the cafeteria for selling "dangerous" sandwiches.

A handful of Congress members are apparently such attention whores that they squeeze to the front of the pack at every State of the Union to shake the president's hand as he walks in. Who are these "aisle hogs"?

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor's attempt to sneak in some tongue action with Nancy Pelosi at tonight's State of the Union has backfired, terribly. Did he think Pelosi wouldn't already have a "date" lined up? Get it together, Eric Cantor.

Now that Republicans have gained a modicum of power in the United States Congress, it's time for them to recklessly interfere with local Washington politics! What's on the agenda? Banning gay marriage in the nation's capital, of course.

While there won't be any official bipartisan seating during tomorrow's State of the Union, Congress members are free to sit across the aisle if they want to! So many are choosing to sit with "dates." Who will ask whom?