So Michelle Obama took a fancy trip to Spain with her daughter and friends. Is she history's greatest monster for this extravagance? Irate Daily News columnist Andrea Tantaros sure thinks so! Why can't Michelle Obama travel like an "average" person?

New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser is doing her very best to win "Most Hysterical Anti-'Ground Zero Mosque' Column of the Day." Did it contain the word "perverted?" Check. "Erect?" Check. "Ball gag?" Check. Andrea, you win!

The media backlash against Wikileaks' "War Logs" is well underway. Serious Political Media Types don't want be shown up by online amateurs. The establishment's spokesman: the World's Worst Writer Richard Cohen—the Andrea Peyser of the Washington Post.

Let us pray for Peggy Noonan, important dingbat Wall Street Journal columnist, for she is in a state of sadness, despair. She despises today's elites, the Youths: the politicians, the bloggers, the "Facebook jockeys." Who shall smite these incompetent infants?

New York Post columnist Andrea Peyser is an expert in both the sweet arts of sexy time, and the dark arts of informational subterfuge. You should therefore trust Andrea when she tells you: spies do not need to be whores.

New York Post sex columnist Andrea Peyser is positively smitten with America's heartthrob, Lindsay Lohan. It's so obvious. Andrea's just like a little kid, spewing false insults at her crush object to cover up her undying love.

Some little girls have recently been caught spitting on capitalism, by giving away lemonade from their sidewalk stand. For free! Where's the respect for suggested retail pricing? Fortunately, financial columnist Terry Savage drove by these children and yelled at them.

Silly David Brooks. In his Times column today, Brooks condemns Rolling Stone reporter Michael Hastings for being so childish as to print illuminating, on-the-record words from Stanley McChrystal and his aides. Why can't Hastings be as cautious as David Brooks?

Here's famously insane Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert reading a column from prominent conservative Thomas Sowell about why Barack Obama setting up a $20 billion BP claims fund makes him literally Hitler. Thanks again for the envoy, Texas' first congressional district!

Andrea Peyser is but a simple tabloid sex columnist. But she knows one thing: well, she doesn't know what she "knows," because that would be an epistemological question (epistemology=bad). But she's against filling kids' minds with trash like "thoughts."

Incredibly narrow, self-centered Washington socialite Sally Quinn still has access to the Washington Post publishing system, apparently, and has tricked an editor into running her latest stupid, hilarious column: why Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton should (and will) switch jobs.

Tabloid sex talker Andrea Peyser has been hearing nothing but "Hottie Banker" this and "tits on a stick" that and "hot female bodies are calling you, Andrea" for weeks now. She's sick of it. Where's the respect for large breasts?

Investigative reporters earlier this week firmly established the desire of today's high school kids to tap that. Could anyone object to this most basic expression of love, jealousy, and horniness? Sexpert Andrea Peyser will try to pretend she does.

Are you horny, but rushed? Here's the condensed version of sex beast Andrea Peyser's column today: "Breast-feeding. It was in your face...so much testosterone...muscular chests...mommy's milk...crime against nature?...Hot single mommy...showed off her assets." Mmmm. That's the stuff. [NYP; Previously]

New York Post lesbian uh, not lesbian columnist Andrea Peyser heard something in the news the other day about lesbians? Elena Kagan? Supreme Court? Whatever. It gave Andrea a reason to go to a lesbian bar, for journalism.

It's not easy for Andrea Peyser to come up with new sex column topics every week. Pantie shopping? Done. Sexy lesbians? Done. Prison rape? Done. Breast milk? Done. Fireman fantasies? Done. Ummm...what about cougars? Can we write about cougars, still?

The recent death of a homeless Good Samaritan has tabloid morality arbiter Andrea Peyser wondering how New Yorkers "can be so callous." Especially when they have nice role models like Andrea Peyser, who always advocates for niceness? [NYP]

New York Post sex master Andrea Peyser found this new movie Kick Ass to be "intoxicatingly entertaining, wildly inappropriate, and alarmingly sexual." Use your Media Decoder Ring to read her true opinion: "intoxicatingly...sexual." Andrea's friends agree!

You, the average sports-loathing homosexual Gawker reader, might be surprised to hear that as of late 2007, ESPN Magazine pap merchant Rick Reilly was the highest-paid writer in the country. But he's finally shutting up (a little). Thank god.

If there is one thing tabloid sex fiend columnist Andrea Peyser hates, it is everything good in the human soul. Andrea's gripe today: someone was shown mercy. This is unfair to the bloodthirsty, such as Andrea Peyser!