Demonic tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser went out to investigate these "Tea Partiers," and guess what: "They're not your father's rednecks." Um, okay? Instead, they're "The majority." But rednecks were the majority in my father's day! What?

This is the worst David Broder column ever written, and it is also identical to all other David Broder columns. That is the Broder Paradox! I will reprint it for you, after the jump.

The socialist Obamacare bill has conservative columnists scrambling for any lame historical analogy they can scrap together. But the hottest one, Napoleon's Waterloo, is being used for the commies and the God-fearing patriots. Straighten this out guys, it's getting confusing!

Oh boy, Maureen Dowd pissed off Marty Peretz! How can I not click on a blog post from The New Republic's prickly, racist sometimes-owner headlined "Maureen Dowd And The Saudi Royals"?

What is "trampy?" "Sleeping with a married guy on the day you meet him = trampy. Keeping your pants on during a date or photo shoot = not trampy." Thank you, Andrea Peyser, sex addict. [NYP]

Sex pervs are clamoring to "get a lick of the most vile substance ever fabricated," ejaculates Andrea Peyser in her sex column today. That substance: breast milk cheese. Andrea Peyser does not dream of suckling its tender surface, okay?

Tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser has just about had it with people going out and purposely committing crimes in order to go to jail and be able to purchase affordable Pop-Tarts. Wise up, taxpayers.

"Sex addicts...pert and pretty...Women who ogle...grab at men in a sexual fashion...dirty bastards...sex objects...I feared gang rape...millimeters from his crotch...the nastier, the grabbier, the raunchier the better...satisfying the primal urge to find places to plant their vehicles." Normal Monday. [NYP]

You might suspect that Andrea Peyser, the New York Post's hardcore pornography critic, would be totally gay for hot sexxxy "Fire women," kicking in doors of burning buildings in their blazing hot fire gear, with sweat pouring off their chiseled abdominal muscles, covered only by a sheer layer of fire retardant gel. But no—"if I were to be caught in a fire, I'd feel a lot safer in the arms of a 6-foot man than those of a 5-foot girl." This is the topic of Andrea Peyser's popular newspaper column today, which is illustrated with a photo of a typical fire lady in typical fire gear, a sports bra. [NYP]

And now comes the coup de grace to the woeful tale of Sally Quinn, the Washington Post's most execrable rich lady columnist: she is being stashed in the back closet of the "internet," lest she embarrass the paper further.

Bike riders, public health advocates, and just plain regular folks are generally happy with the idea of turning various NYC streets into "pedestrian plazas." Tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser hates these people, and this idea. People will smoke, outside!

How many discredited former Bush White House officials can one newspaper publish? Fred Hiatt is collecting them like Pokemon. Marc Thiessen, Bush speechwriter and torture enthusiast, will be writing a weekly column for The World's Worst Opinion Section.

Today in America's Worst Opinion Section: lots of important thoughts about The Tea Parties, from confused old people who have been regurgitating blinkered DC consensus garbage for almost 200 years between them.

Now-free Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell has evolved from dispensing sex advice from jail to dispensing advice about how to masturbate in jail. (With a toothbrush and a sock). Baby steps. [Animal NY]

Elderly dog-worshiping soothsayer and NY Post columnist Cindy Adams is relevant once again! Really though. Not only is she a hero to young journalists everywhere, she's a hero to us today, for mocking the Hollywood-industrial entitlement complex with admirable passion!

Andrea Peyser chuckles at NY guv David Paterson being spotted on a dinner date while "wearing a shiny, purple shirt," musing "Could be Paterson's Garden State wardrobe malfunction was a cry for help." Or a consequence of blindness! Ha. [NYP]

Harold Ford is already a gross caricature of a clueless reverse carpetbagger. It would take quite the contrarian to...hello, Andrea Peyser! She sees Harold as "a punk-rock star...cute, quiet guy." Which is actually a contradiction, but so is love. [NYP]

Whenever a 30 year-old woman dies tragically, alone, her dead body lying undiscovered for days, capping a horrifically fucked up life, one is always tempted to ask oneself: Shouldn't we treat this event "as a glamorous celebrity happening to which we should aspire?" Eschew the temptation, friend! Andrea Peyser, an expert on sex fiends of all stripes, shall put this in perspective for you:

After an unbearably long break (five days!), Andrea Peyser is back to journalism! Peyser on America's job woes: "We all should be celebrity sloths like Paris Hilton. Or one of Tiger's well-paid bimbos." Well, she's still a little rusty. [NYP]

Peter Feld counted nine separate references to The Flintstones (a primetime tv cartoon from the 1960s) in Maureen Dowd's op-ed columns of the 2000s. But what other tv shows did Maureen compare everything to, in this decade?